No on texting about the handcuffs.

Go out to Indian food yourself, don't ask her this time. Go to have yummy food to sustain you and to get out and about.

Stop your thinking for just a bit and relax.

Basically.........

Do not love bust when communicating with her.
Do not talk divorce with her.
Do not talk relationship with her.
Be a decent seeming guy because that is best overall.

Part of Plan A is seeming to have a life. A full one.

Not just to impress her but to help you yourself to survive the affair (with or without her).

Most women give sex to get emotion.

Men give emotion to get sex.

All the sex toys mean is she is desperate to get the emotions.

Wow.. I dreamt all night last night about WS coming back to me. Just one dream after another. They just wouldn't end. I wish I knew how to spot the difference between visions and dreams.

WWJBD? (What Would James Bond Do?)

Probably not give away vital intelligence gathered about Goldfinger's plans and preferences, right, Oddjob?

(Please don't throw that derby at ME! I'm trying to help!)

This next week could not go by fast enough. And yes, you guys are right. Sharing the hand-cuff info is probably a bad idea.

I've been talking to my cousin about the MB plan. He's been witnessing me put it into action, and yesterday he told me, now that he understands it, that he actually thinks it might work. His personal prediction is that my WS and OM's relationship will last until about September. I was actually surprised to hear him say he thinks it will work. I guess I'm just really pessimistic since I am so emotionally involved. He then went on to say though, that he wishes I would stop, because he HATES my wife now, and thinks I deserve someone that would never hurt me the way she has. He doesn't want me to get back with her.

...because he HATES my wife now, and thinks I deserve someone that would never hurt me the way she has. He doesn't want me to get back with her.

Ahhhh yes, the ongoing, long-standing, well-engrained enmity of the family of the BS - the self-awarded gift-that-keeps-on-giving of many WSs.

Find fifteenyears' thread. The lady struggled mightily to re-connect (on any basis besides, "You should swallow poison and die!") with her BH's family for a looooong time. As with much else, she persevered and is one of the great MB success stories.

Oh, well, if you and WW ever reach a point of reconciliation, that is something she will have to deal with. The point is to get to that point of reconciliation.

Here.
fifteenyears' thread
Recovery with Resentful In-laws

Thanks

Oh man, reading through that thread, I wish SO bad my wife felt that way about her affair. She is on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. My wife just wants to be done.

If wishes were fishes, the world would be fed.


Strength and consistency are your allies - because this new approach doesn't end with her affair, it continues from here out.

Are there any success stories on these forums with someone in a very similar situation that I am in?

Did you ever read this thread that I sent you back on 05-04? His is a success story.

I was going to link my thread to you... ugh, what a blabbering discombobulated mess!

And I spent months reading each and every article I could get my grubby little fingers on before I posted!

Look - almost every person posting to you is a success in one form or another.

Write your own success story, brother.

The only reason I didn't link yours,NG,Mr.Wondering,20years,wle,KGaa12,helpfordad, and mikestillsmiling and many other BH success stories was because I was looking for something similar to Oddjobs. A short marriage with no kids and a success. Not too many of those.

Totally agree with Triple H, write your own success.

Thanks guys, I am trying to write my own success story. It just seems like every example I've seen the WW is at least conflicted in some way during the affair. My WW has made it perfectly clear that she is done forever - and it was completely out of the blue for me. I had no idea she wasn't happy. I know I'm reiterating, but we just bought a house she was really really excited for. We were trying to have a baby a month before she left.

I guess it's just her surety and dedication to her decision that keeps me questioning my course of action. Other WW's seem to at least question their decision to leave. I find myself praying everyday, asking if what I am doing is the right decision, if it is even worth it. I know you guys have said, that even if it doesn't work, that I will be better in the end because I put forth the effort, but the pain is just so great. I still find myself breaking down crying randomly, even though it's been over a month since d-day.

So that's why I was asking for a comparable success story. I was hoping to read about a WW that was as sure of their decision to divorce as mine, but still ended up succeeding in reconciliation. I know that would really boost my motivation.

I also know I keep coming on this thread and reiterating the same things again and again. I apologize for that. This forum has honestly become a coping mechanism for me in some ways. Every time you guys make supportive posts, it's very revitalizing.

Your wife is about as "clear" as a falling down drunk. Her state of mind right now means nothing and will not foretell your eventual outcome. She is very confused and very conflicted even though she is not telling you this. Her life is falling apart around her and she questions herself daily, I assure you.

There are many recovered marriages here where the WW said she was "done forever" and there are many marriages that ended up in divorce where the WW was conflicted. Her current state of mind is no indicator of the future. I have seen 10X worse than this come back from the dead. I am not saying this because of a nihilistic mindset, which I abhor, but because you truly cannot tell your future based on her current state of mind. You are trying to read things into it that simply do not exist.

I understand why you are so conflicted and sympathize with you. You can't see how this may play out because you have never seen how it works.

There are no guarantees, but the things that cause you to feel hopeless don't make the rest of us feel hopeless at all. Ask yourself why that would be....

You have a long way to go before you should give up hope. We will tell you when it is really hopeless. You have just started this process, though, and reconciliation is very possible.

You callin' me an old man?




Anyway, OJ - don't pay your WW and her foggy logic any mind.


It sounds like the thread "craziest things to come out of a wayward's piehole" would serve you better than a success story.


Waywards are NUTS.

Odd,

I remember my wife tell me, "I don't love you, and I will never love you again. You can't put shattered glass back together again."

Well, we replaced the window, and its shiny and new.

But it took a long time.

No one here can predict how this is going to turn out, but we do know that if you develop and follow a MB plan you will do the very best for yourself. So far you are doing a very good job. Your WW is enveloped in the fog. It's evil. But it does no good to hang on her every word and action. This is LONG PROCESS. Prepare yourself for that, man.

You are taking the advice of many veterans here, and that will serve you well. Trust me. I would say in your interactions with her, continue to play it cool. Don't press. Be good to her, but no pressure. And don't let her see you sweat. She's seen you cry so she knows you're hurting. But be strong from here on out. Be the attractive alternative she can one day come back to.

You're not the type to sit patiently, I'm guessing. But know that that you can't get into her head and change her mind right now. So direct your energies to other things that will keep you sane and preoccupied. A lot of betrayed spouses turn to exercise. Find something to keep you busy and productive while you fight though this.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

It just seems like every example I've seen the WW is at least conflicted in some way during the affair.
Remind me to ask Bride if, when the Storm-Troopers were dragging me out of my home at 2:00am, she felt at all "conflicted".

But I do understand your impressions, OJ, and they do all tie back to my first note to you. All that means is that your efforts must be that much cleaner, that much more effective and precise, in the absence in your case of some of the anti-affair "buffering" agents that some of us had. But, for instance, while you don't have children pulling her back, their absence actually gives you freedoms of action (moving back home overnight) that many others do not have.

So keep your head down, and your chin up (? Whatever!), and keep working the program. Remember too, that "recovery" is not necessarily a synonym for "reconciliation".