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Dude..you have to make this A WAY more work than it is worth.
He opened the door for you to tell him what's up.
Personally, I think it was stupid of him but an opportunity for you. Take it.
Your plan is starting to take a foot hold. Can't you see it? Just be careful to not stir the pot anymore right now. Things are moving quickly. More quickly than you probably think.
Their little fantasy is starting to unravel.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 05/13/13 02:48 PM.
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Sent it. He sent me a whole novel of an e-mail, for me to only reply with a few succinct sentences almost seems mocking :p.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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BTW. Keep that email from OM. Nice of him to arm you with that. Certainly can come in handy down the road. What a nice guy. Agreed! This might be used in court as well, if you file on grounds of adultery. I would also share it with your exposure list.
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Sent it. He sent me a whole novel of an e-mail, for me to only reply with a few succinct sentences almost seems mocking :p. Perfect! Its called strategy. Each move is like a chess match.
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Odd,
Why not slow down and give yourself time to think about how you REALLY want to respond (to OM and on the finances).
Are you really going to thank him for writing you !!!!!! and validate his foggy marital complaints?
This is why I wrote earlier that you HAVE to put the focus back on yourself now.
I hate to say it but being as young as you are and with no children to glue this thing together, it very well may be over for your marriage. Too soon to say but you might want to start getting your head around the possibility.
PUT THE FOCUS ON YOUR OWN RECOVERY.
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You are starting to have the opportunity to really show some strength here. You are taking control which sould make you feel empowered and great.
They are serving it up to you on a silver platter! Love it.
My son is in Taekwondo. (quite talented actually)
The rule in sparring is �make �em miss and make �em pay�
Think about that one�.
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Zibbles - I am ready for our marriage to fail. I just refuse to go down without a fight. And trust me, I have been putting just as much focus into my own recovery. I think I am doing just fine.
Rocketqueen - If I expose the letter to everyone, he will never send me any more evidence again. Sure that's a good idea?
20yEAR - Yes I do feel empowered. I told WS that I do not want to take legal action, but that if I have to I will, like you (I think) suggested. She replied, confused about the mortgage situation, asking how her name is still on the mortgage. I am choosing now NOT to reply. Let her sit and think about it.
LOVE ALL YOUR GUYS' SUPPORT!!
Last edited by OddJob123; 05/13/13 02:59 PM.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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OJ, Did you see the advice that both NG and I both posted in regards to the financial matters?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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I get it that you're fighting but for me, strategy would have been to wait a day before writing POSOM back. It appears that you are just lying in wait for any drop of communication with them which communicates to them that THEY have the power.
If it were me, I'd use pauses and silence to my advantage at times. Someone needs to dredge up the Art Of War link for you.
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Heh, I've read the art of war thread. And ya, writing back so fast was a mistake, I see that now. I will be more careful in the future. However, he DID write me during business hours... So it's very normal for me to be sitting at my computer, e-mail at hand during this time.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 335
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I get it that you're fighting but for me, strategy would have been to wait a day before writing POSOM back. It appears that you are just lying in wait for any drop of communication with them which communicates to them that THEY have the power.
If it were me, I'd use pauses and silence to my advantage at times. Someone needs to dredge up the Art Of War link for you. Agreed. Odd, Just stop for a while. They are playing you like a fiddle. You have created major issues in their fantasy life. Now step back and be the strong, safe man. JUST STOP !
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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OJ, Did you see the advice that both NG and I both posted in regards to the financial matters? Yes, and the accounts are all separated. It sounds like she actually did move the student loan to her account, so the only thing left is the car payment. I am going to *cancel* the car payment to my account today after work, and she will be obligated to pay it. The only thing she isn't obligated to pay is the mortgage payment I want from her, which, I have now told her I will take legal action if she doesn't pay it.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 513
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I get it that you're fighting but for me, strategy would have been to wait a day before writing POSOM back. It appears that you are just lying in wait for any drop of communication with them which communicates to them that THEY have the power.
If it were me, I'd use pauses and silence to my advantage at times. Someone needs to dredge up the Art Of War link for you. Agreed. Odd, Just stop for a while. They are playing you like a fiddle. You have created major issues in their fantasy life. Now step back and be the strong, safe man. JUST STOP ! Okay, I hear ya.. It's just SO much fun to throw monkey wrenches into spokes...
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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OM just wrote me back. This time I will NOT respond quickly... Here is what he has to say - obviously I angered him.
First off don't tell me what to do. I'm am adult and can make my own decisions. Second, you would be wise to know it's over. Cut your losses and move on. She doesn't love you. She's not coming back. And the more you try, the further she runs. You can fight till the bitter end, but the time to fight was LONG ago. Not just recently. You lost her a long time ago, and I am not sure you ever really had her the way you think you did. Im sure there were many times that were great, but those times are past. Im not making her stay with me, she's choosing to stay with me. But fight if you must, just know the end has come and gone for her, and will soon enough come for you as well.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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OM just wrote me back. This time I will NOT respond quickly... Here is what he has to say - obviously I angered him.
First off don't tell me what to do. I'm am adult and can make my own decisions. Second, you would be wise to know it's over. Cut your losses and move on. She doesn't love you. She's not coming back. And the more you try, the further she runs. You can fight till the bitter end, but the time to fight was LONG ago. Not just recently. You lost her a long time ago, and I am not sure you ever really had her the way you think you did. Im sure there were many times that were great, but those times are past. Im not making her stay with me, she's choosing to stay with me. But fight if you must, just know the end has come and gone for her, and will soon enough come for you as well. And what are you going to do??????
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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OM just wrote me back. This time I will NOT respond quickly... Here is what he has to say - obviously I angered him.
First off don't tell me what to do. I'm am adult and can make my own decisions. Second, you would be wise to know it's over. Cut your losses and move on. She doesn't love you. She's not coming back. And the more you try, the further she runs. You can fight till the bitter end, but the time to fight was LONG ago. Not just recently. You lost her a long time ago, and I am not sure you ever really had her the way you think you did. Im sure there were many times that were great, but those times are past. Im not making her stay with me, she's choosing to stay with me. But fight if you must, just know the end has come and gone for her, and will soon enough come for you as well. And what are you going to do?????? Well, not write back until tomorrow probably. As far as what I would say - I'm sure I would say the wrong thing. So I'll let you guys make some suggestions, haha. What I would think would be the best thing to say: "I will tell you what to do, never talk to or see my wife again. Ever."
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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Posts: 335
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OM just wrote me back. This time I will NOT respond quickly... Here is what he has to say - obviously I angered him.
First off don't tell me what to do. I'm am adult and can make my own decisions. Second, you would be wise to know it's over. Cut your losses and move on. She doesn't love you. She's not coming back. And the more you try, the further she runs. You can fight till the bitter end, but the time to fight was LONG ago. Not just recently. You lost her a long time ago, and I am not sure you ever really had her the way you think you did. Im sure there were many times that were great, but those times are past. Im not making her stay with me, she's choosing to stay with me. But fight if you must, just know the end has come and gone for her, and will soon enough come for you as well. And what are you going to do?????? Well, not write back until tomorrow probably. As far as what I would say - I'm sure I would say the wrong thing. So I'll let you guys make some suggestions, haha. What I would think would be the best thing to say: "I will tell you what to do, never talk to or see my wife again. Ever." I'm sorry. I thought you heard my earlier plea. Here it is again. JUST STOP!!
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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don't reply.
not today, not tomorrow.
have you ever sent an intense email and NOT gotten a response?
it's incredibly frustrating.
let this pig twist in the wind!
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I am, I will not e-mail him back. You guys have not led me astray.
Me: BH, 28
WW, 26
Married September 2005
D-Day: April 7, 2013
A started in February, 2013, and is ongoing
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and know also that he's going home tonight with his blood boiling. just the way you want it...
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