I see your point. My thought was to not bad talk POSOM if he was brought up in the conversation. But it would be better in the conversation to change the subject. It sounds like she brings up POSOM in conversation. The Rev definately needs to not bad mouth him (I made that mistake. Lucky for me affair was over, but fww would try to defend him)

Definately better to change subject and not talk about POSOM at all.

I screwed the pooch on that one myself. I didn't show up here until long after the A was dead, and the OM had moved away.

On the upside; I tracked down the OM's GF and exposed, and his resulting weasily, chicken-feces, whiny behavior following did way more LB$ damage than I ever could have.

We exposed to POSOM spouse, they are divorcing (come to find out my FWW was just one in line of affairs, go figure). I tried to contact him several times but he never had the courage to respond.
he really is a POSOM. When FWW "broke it off" there was no argument from him. He didn't really have any emotional attachment to my wife at all even after a 6 month affair.

DBD, I am a knife/gun collector myself. If you reconcile, I would recommend that you and her sit down and POJA your hobby. It is easy to go overboard and make your spouse feel second to it (I was second to my FWW hobby of the gym as were our kids) I am not saying give it up, but bring it down to a reasonable (to both of you) level.

BTW, would I drool over your collection?

Thanks again for weighing in folks.

I fell right off the the OA wagon last night and WW is talking of leaving again.

I discovered she emailed OM from work, looked him up on FB, and lied to cover for her friend. That came all at once and I just started thinking she is lying and sneaking and I got bent out of shape.

We exchanged some words about OM and I told her I needed some air and would really like to handle the situation with old fashioned violence. And I used the F word alot. And my kids heard a bunch of it. Grabbed my AR15, 3 mags, a box of beer, a sleeping bag, and headed for the desert.

Of course she did not think I was headed to the desert, so pretty much all hell broke lose at the house while I was gone.

I did go to the desert, drank 3 beers, slept under the stars, and returned home at 6:30 this am. WW was watching the news expecting me to be on it. Said she cannot live with a person who would do violence and just needs to move out etc.

So...I know the beer is doing no good. I know the AO was a serious mistake. I realize the intimidation is just manipulative control. I know I screwed up to the max.

Any ideas on what to do or say now?

I'm no expert at MB but at least you know you behaved incorrectly. The thing you should ask yourself what you think you should do to fix it. If it were me, I would sell all forms of firearms you have. You seem to not have a handle on your anger and prone to impulsive outbursts. I would hate to see you do something you will regret and result in prison time.

Secondly, have you been to anger managment class? Most areas offer them for free. They teach you some stuff you probably already know but fail to incorporate in your daily routine. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER YOUR WW HAS DEMONIZED YOU INTO A VIOLENT ABUSIVE PERSON! You doing what you did justifies her actions. I know your mad she contact POSOM but some blame needs to be put on yourself.

Did you set up EPs? What was your plan if she break EPs? Seems like she had zero consequences in place if she failed to provide JC. Has she taken a poly and done a NC letter? Does she know the consequences of her actions if said EPs were broken? You need to follow the program and not modify it for your quality of comfort. Right now she is AFRAID of you. Please review Plan A. I think you set yourself up for a FR.

Stop drinking and having angry outbursts.

WW refuses to consider EPs. On a good day a while back she asked me what I wanted her to do and I sent a sample NC letter to her. She said the NC letter was crazy controlling crap.

Do you have a plan to eliminate angry outbursts? If you don't, you better fold, I think. No sense in debating extraordinary precautions.

DBD,
I rarely post here, but your actions have my attention.

You�ve been advised numerous times on this thread to lock up the firearms and take them out of play. Instead, you relish in the fear your hobby invokes in others, as evidenced by the smugness you expressed about the �lockdown� at your wife�s work.

Once again, in conflict, you opted for a dramatic show of force by storming out with an assault rifle, ammunition, and beer. Though you may try to be coy and dismissive, once again claiming that others� interpretations of your actions aren�t your responsibility, it�s clear your actions are purposeful. You are trying to manipulate your situation and the people in it with the implied threat of violence.

Far from making you look strong and in control, it makes you look weak and pathetic, unable to deal with normal human relations without aid of a lethal tool. Your actions are in direct opposition to your stated goals, and since this has been pointed out to you more than once, it begs the question: why are you continuing the behavior? I think it�s because you confuse fear with respect.

As a sideline observer with a long-term connection with firearms, I find your behavior alarming and appalling. Even if you decide not to follow MB precepts, you need to get with the program we call society. You need to allow others a little taste of that freedom you evoke when you flaunt your second amendment rights.

You see, others, including your wife, have the right to screw up their lives free of threats from you or anyone else. As has been pointed out ad nauseum, you can�t control her, you can only control your responses to her. So far, you�re doing an abysmal job with your passive-aggressive fireworks displays.

Once again, along with just about every other poster on this board, I advise you to lock up the firearms and quit using them as an expression. It�s wrong, it�s dangerous, and it�s going to backfire on you, possibly in ways that will cause you to lose that freedom you seemingly hold in such high regard.

Cut it out, DBD. Lock up the guns!

Holy crap man...


You had an AO... and grabbed a gun and went out the door?


Let me ask you something; do you believe - as a responsible gun owner and collector - that we should give insane people guns?


Do you know that you are insane when you are angry?


Dude, you just told prosecution's opening testimony in a murder trial.


Do; get out of the house if you are angry.

Don't; grab a fricking gun.

Agreed. Lock up the guns, or better yet, sell them all.

If you continue, you'll end up kicked out of your house with a restraining order on you.

How will that help? If you get painted as a crazy nut (and there's already evidence to support this picture of you) you're going to lose any and all support you have via friends and family.

You'll be divorced, living in some low rent apartment, hardly seeing your kids while POSOM hangs out in your house, playing with your wife. AND they'll have a lot of support from people because you're shown everyone how crazy and abusive you are.

You're on a very slippery slope here. WATCH IT.

Here's how the same scenario COULD have played out if you'd kept your head together. You could have asked her to leave. Told her she is not welcome in the family home while she carries on with contact.

You could have said it in a calm, focused manner.

Instead you acted NUTS. You are losing the war but maybe you'd rather hang out with your guns and beer? Time to decide who you are and what role you're going to play in the recovery and/or destruction of your marriage.

If he is having AOs and grabbing a gun, he is a crazy nut. She doesn't have to do any painting at all.

agreed.

Thank god her worst fears were not realized.

Holy crap my man. This is just scary as can be.

Get some help for yourself. Do it for YOU.


I would encourage you to own this 100%. Make no excuses. Make no promises. She won't believe you. Ask her exactly what you can do to make her feel safe.

And do it.

Everything.

Without question.

Forever.

Have you heard Dr Harley's discuss controlling anger? He goes into great detail on his radio show frequently on how to get the adrenaline out of your system before you do major damage to yourself and/or others.

However, too much damage may have been done with this outburst.
Very scary.

Honestly, would you blame his wife for doing that today?

Dr Harley frequently advises separation..would almost guarantee he would encourage it in this situation. I have heard him recommend separation it for far less �serious� outbursts that do not involve firearms.

Why you didn't put the guns away when lots of people were advising it way back on your thread is amazing.

Clearly you like to do what you want, when you want to.

Well...I guess it is whole lot worse than I thought. No, I really did not think it was that bad.

I do realize I was using the fear as a manipulative tool. It's my first affair--I have no formal training on how to handle this kind of attack on my life and family.

Ok, so just remove the remaining 3 firearms before she even gets home then? I had about 35 taken out a few weeks ago.

For you appalled and offended gals out there, what do I do or say that shows genuine repentance beyond removal of the weapons???

You would have me reassure WW I would never harm the OM?

do NOT mention the OM.

apologize to HER for making her feel unsafe and tell her there is no excuse for your behavior and that you're committed to anger management, etc.

and then do it! sign up for an anger management class, get on anti-depressants (if you haven't already) and SHOW her you are doing work on your side to not be NUTS and dangerous.