I am in plan D now. I am finding closure for myself. We are not reuniting.

We aren't speaking, there is nothing to say that can't be said through our lawyers. I will hire one as soon as he files the papers. If he doesn't, doesn't matter. I will eventually.

I think I finally had enough now. I think even if he did everything right I would not care. He sucked me in and spit me out so many times... this was it for me. She can have him. They can lie and cheat on each other now. I am done.

That sounds like a good plan.
Maintain plan B during AND after divOrce

Can you check and see if your doctor can prescribe a low cost generic AD?

I don't know if this has anything to do with MB principles but I feel the same way on Monday then Tuesday comes and I do a 180. Friday I'm pro divorce then Sunday I'm pro marriage. The point is that your feelings will go up and down and when your obsessing about him instead of worrying about yourself AKA self care you don't help the situation. By the way what have you done for self care? What have you done for YOU? Read a book, workout, get a mani-pedi, learn a new hobby? I would hold off on snap decisions until you properly Plan B. That's just me but ultimately its your call and your right.

I am going out and walking... I am reading.. I got a mani pedi the other day.. and I am learning how to take care of myself. I am not making any snap decisions. He said the following things: Its too late for us. I do not love you like a wife anymore. I have moved on so should you. Please understand how much this hurts POSOW. And inside something died that day. I think that was the day that I knew no matter what... I AM DONE. I don't want to hear it anymore. I have been hurt so many times that when I am done grieving the idea of my marriage (its been long over according to him and was never real he was just "lonely") I will never shed another tear for that man and I will never have anything more to do with him. I put up with so much. I believed and hoped and tried while he pooped all over me, rewrote the marriage, allowed his crazy POSOW to tell lies about me and hurt me more.. I am just done. I did plan B... I will wish it were different I am sure... but I know the reality is we are divorcing and he is moving in with her. Enough. If I don't turn my back for good now... the damage will eventually make it hard for me to trust another man. I can't allow that. He destroyed too much of me already now. I am taking back my power and I am going to heal myself this time.

All this time its been about how I need to understand how his confusion was so debilitating for HIM. Now I am supposed to understand how much this hurts POSOW? Enough. No one but ME is caring how much this hurts ME. It's time I took care of myself and stopped giving a darn about people who don't give a darn about me.

You need a solid plan B.
Your plan B intermediary will block all of this garbage he says from reaching you.
I haven't read through your history; do you have a solid Plan B with an intermediary?

I was served my papers today. He called when I told him I received them. He kept saying it was time. I said is this really what you want now and he said it was time I said is that a yes or a no and he said to take the weekend and to think about this and he will call me on Monday night. The papers even say I should go back to any former name I had before the marriage. Then he said he did it on the internet and they were supposed to tell him before mailing it to me that he didn't sign anything. I was like what does that mean? He said he paid them and filled out the paperwork but he didn't know they were sending it already and he was going to tell me they were coming I said BUT YOU FILED and he said yes but I didn't sign anything. WTH does that mean? I kept asking questions he was getting mad saying I don't listen that I hear what I want he was yelling and we hung up. He called back later to ask something about the papers and I spoke.. the voice of god was coming out of me, I didn't even know what was going to come out, it just came out. He sounded different and I ended with a "have a nice weekend" and hung up.. he kept saying we will talk on Monday.. what does that even mean? So.. still have a chance? lol..

Ach, its always very very bad when a BS LISTENS to what a WS SAYS.

You don't listen to what someone in an active affair says any more than you listen to a hobo actively in the middle of a bottle of a whisky.

It won't make any sense and it won't be the same message when he sobers up the following day.

Just don't listen.

Walk away from your marriage if you want, I did and I am very happy.

But don't do it on the basis of what some WS says. What he SAYS will change daily and your reactions to him will too.

If you're certain, then lock in NC asap and stop interacting with him.

His speech sounds rehearsed and like he practiced what to say. Am I just hearing what I want to hear? I am so confused. I don't want to be divorced, I don't think we are really done and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.

indiegirl is right.

Your WH will make proclamations galore and none of them really have much to do with you. They are for his own benefit. To make you react negatively so he can justify continuing down the divorce path.

Block his contact.

Do not contact him to clarify a single thing. Do not recieve his calls, visits, etc.

Your attorney can communicate with any attorney WH hired/hires for you.

Remove yourself from the drama and stop wondering if there is hope for your marriage.

The future is not written yet.

Whether you WH comes out of his nasty affair or not is not something you can control.

You can control your own environment though and it should not include any communication with a toxic wayward.

Aren't you in Plan B? Why are you communicating at all with him?

What can you do to plug those holes?

WH sending papers from an internet provider is not mean he filed for divorce. It means he went to a do it yourself divorce site.

Do not sign anything. Do not respond to WH.

Do show these papers to your lawyer.

You shouldn't be hearing ANYTHING from a wayward.

During a very short three week Plan A you play a happy tune in your head when they talk. You don't listen.

And in Plan B you have NO CONTACT!

You have been in contact with an abusive man for months and months.

Why!!????

Any time the A got too muddy and he felt like wiping his feet on you via text or a poison dart visit he was freee to do so.

During my Plan B I was not even sure what country my husband lived in.

He could have gotten married, won the lottery - I would never have known.

I most certainly did not get personal updates from crazyland in text or in person.

Not that he tired of trying. But he didn't have my new phone number. Letters were thrown away unread. Visits saw the door to my house left unanswered or my work's security informed. When people spoke his name to me to give me news, I left their home before they finished their sentence.

And guess what? I healed.

They are from an internet site but it looks like a real law firm, it even says if I do not do anything in 20 days that it's considered uncontested and goes through.

You're trapped by the 'What If' factor. 'What If' he suddenly changes his mind one day?

Well, IF he agrees to all MB conditions your IM will tell you and you can consider taking him back then.

Until then, you should be creating an amazing new life for yourself in Plan B. If you do get divorced, it will hurt less (I was overjoyed)

But staying in contact to get kicked whenever the mood takes him will just keep you in a very unattractive sobbing mess.

The nerve of him saying you can 'move on someday'! 'Oh I am so wonderful - how will you live without a Casanova like me!'

See a lawyer. A good one. Let the lawyer handle contact and war plans.

If the lawyer tells you to file to protect yourself, do it. No arguments about how you don't want to. Start fighting for yourself, please.

I contacted a few and will call some more on Monday.. I also asked my friend to ask her brother (a lawyer) if he can recommend any divorce lawyers that I can actually afford...

Good.

Now, how can you plug those Plan B holes?

You truly need a good IM.

I knew that if my H were really remorseful I would hear about it from her and that left me free to forget about him.

You should go really dark and concentrate on yourself.