This is not Plan B.

He's blocked now. I texted him and blocked after he responded. He said he will give me the name when I get one. It made me think he doesn't really have one. But I am not going to assume anything. This is likely to really happen and he may just be doing what she's telling him to do. Maybe they think I will call the lawyer and can "do" something but they're both idiots.

I am devastated. But I will get over this. I feel like of all he's done that I have forgiven, this is the thing I will not and cannot forgive. That he would even say maybe someday we can remarry just ticks me off. It still hurts more than anything I have ever felt though.

I never thought he'd really do it.

all day all that ran through my head was, "we can always get remarried later"

OMG WTF and OMG again... why would I do that? And why on earth would you come to me and say you want a divorce to make her happy and that you're totally sure this is what you want and then say that we can always get remarried?!?!?!?

I spoke to a mediation divorce attorney today. He is lying to me. He said that he saw a lawyer. That the lawyer told him papers will be mailed to me and I just sign them and mail them back, that if I don't sign in a certain amount of time (I don't remember what he said I was upset) he will be granted the divorce by default. He said he would rather I do it this way so he doesn't have to have me served. The attorney I spoke to today said ALL divorce papers are served, whether by a process server or by the spouse or by someone else, everyone gets served. Nothing will be mailed to me.

I still think he will do it. I really don't think he gets the severity. This is a marriage. You don't just file divorce go play around with your skank and then get remarried when it's over. I will have nothing to do with him for the rest of my life if he goes through with this.

the other phrase that wouldn't stop was, "you have to understand why she's upset and how it's ruining our relationship"

LMFAO. Um no. Was she understanding that screwing my husband was wrong? And if she did, did that stop her from doing it? And who cared that their relationship was ruining my marriage? The nerve OMG.. do they even hear the things they say? or do they really expect we are their understanding friend who cares if they ruin their relationship... helllloooo I wanted to stay married do you really think I want to do something to HELP your relationship succeed?

What is wrong with these waywards? Do they EVER get it? Or are they so far deep in their own c*** that they really think they aren't screwed up people who hurt anyone just to get their way?

And what was his plan? Oh hi BS... Me and POSOW are over now... Will you marry me? SMH... idiot.

I Wouldn't believe a word he says until/if you get served. You can also drag the divorce out, if you want.

I know it hurts and I'm sorry.

What self-care do you have planned?

I have been sleeping well. I have been going for walks. I have been reading. And I am excited to be starting a new job in June. I have good things going on that are keeping me smiling. Every now and then I get a pang of heartache but then... I will replay the things he said and I get really mad. How dare he. Then if I have trouble, like at night when its quiet and you're trying to fall asleep.. I pray so I am focusing on something positive instead of his stupid behavior and it seems to be working. I cried a lot the first day.. the second a couple of times.. today I choked up teared and was done.

So it's getting better with time. The night time is the worst.

You're doing so well. Have you thought about journaling or writing it all out and then burning it? Some say that is therapeutic for them.

Good job on the sleeping and walking. The exercise will help keep your mind clear.

How is your support system?

Have you tried any new hobbies?

Cooking class or yoga or something like that?

yesterday and today were hard for me. I cry and feel numb. I am on needles waiting for papers to arrive. I feel anxiety. Going to take a bath and see if I calm down. It's 80 degrees here and my hands are cold.

Do they even know the damage they do? He's so oblivious. Even his timing was a kick in the head. I'd just lost my job and now this on top of it. I start a new job in 2 weeks, and I want to be emotionally accepting and stable enough that I will not have issues at the new job. The issues he created for me with the affair and separation caused me to mess up big time at the job I was let go from.

They are soooooooooooo selfish. I remember even saying that to him once and he acted like I was the selfish one.

STB,
Your situation has some similarities to mine with a job loss and divorce filing from a WS going on at the same time - you might want to consider some A/D medication before you start the new job, it will help ( helped me) they take a couple of weeks to build up in your system. Worth looking in to.

I tried to get some from my doctor. But she didn't want to prescribe anything I think she is afraid of addiction, I do not have an addiction problem but my ex does. She did prescribe trazadone which was an a/d from the 60s or 70s that is non addictive and is used more as a sleep aid now. I don't take them anymore. They made me a zombie and gave me headaches.

I am getting through it with no meds. It's so hard but I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger huh? lol

Maybe you should see a new doctor. It is strange that she wouldn't put you on AD, with what you are having to live through.

Yes, there are a variety of ADs out there that are very therapeutic and not addictive at all. They don't make a person feel odd. They usually take a few days to a couple of weeks to start building up enough to work. And it's best to go off with a doctors help, rather than just stopping.

A doctor would know of these medications and prescribe one to start with. Can you see a psychiatrist instead of a general doctor?

no insurance right now, between jobs. he really picked a great time didn't he? Is it ok to hate him? Sometimes I think I do. He really acts like this is all normal and cut and dry and like I am not a human being who has feelings.

Dr. Harley recommends Wellbutrin. It is very effective, and isn't addictive.

I was on Lexapro yeas ago, it worked well for me. TOO well lol... I didn't think about ANYTHING that bothered me with anxiety lol

You know I just re read my signature line and I should have known he never intended to stay when he returned in 2012. He never brought all his clothes back and he lived out of a duffle bag - which he would keep his clothes in rather than put them n the drawers or closet. Like it was his "go bag"...

Stop --

You need to stop re-analyzing this over and over. You are stuck.
You blog on here about not believing him, but I think deep down inside you really DO believe what he says to you.

You need to read his ACTIONS not his WORDS.

What do his ACTIONS tell you?

I do believe him. I think he will do what he says he will do. And I believe him because his actions are not showing me any different.

I don't think I am reanalyzing but more seeing what I didn't see before so I know I can and should let go now.

I thought in Plan B you don't think or worry about the WS?