Ever see the Dave Chappell show segment "when keepin' it real goes bad?"

It is a hilarious piece but the point he makes is that keeping it real can go way out of bounds ending up in tragedy it you keep it �too real�. ie..Taking it to the extreme. Something to think about.

I know Dr Harley has spoken often about the level of betrayal and how each BS reacts and how it affects R. Yours is one of the worst I have seen.

Man, I feel your pain. Letting go and moving on is so friggin hard� For me, hanging on to the past is in no one's best interest especially my own.

Dude..you are not alone. Not by a long shot. With ya..

Keep telling myself 2-5 years, 2-5 years, 2-5 years. Hope this eases up for you as it has for me at 1.5 years my fiend.

Patience has been my biggest friend and enemy at the same time.

But I think people should be careful not to fall into the trap of believing "time heals all wounds." Time does not heal wounds that are not cleaned and treated. Instead, gangrene sets in.

So action is required. And the best thing we can do as a board is, to spur people to ACTION. That's why we should make them uncomfortable when they blog day in and day out without taking the actions that lead to recovery. Depression gets people stuck in a hole. We can do a lot to get them out of it. But not if they believe that things will somehow be better tomorrow.

Completely agree. Action for me was to force myself mentally to not dwell on the past--Hardest aspect by far. Have fun with my W. Go places. Enjoy each other. Create new memories. Focus on EP's and meeting EN's. Taking any opportunity I can to feel close to her. Get our UA time (which is difficult).

I practice letting things go in my day to day life and it has helped me in our R. For example things that I used to hold onto now I just resolve and let them go like issues at work or anything that crosses my path. Just trying to not hold any resentment in my heart about anything. It has really helped me to make these new habits.


Resentment is fading away and I am falling back in love with her because of this action. I know we still have a long way to go but on the right track by taking action.

I understand what MSS said.

I do not see where you got the understanding that you did. Not a match to what MSS said.

Thanks.

We invite over 3 of her best friends and husbands for her birthday last. No kids. I cook, everythinhg Is going great. None of these people know about her affair.

After cake the on conversation turns to that tv show What Would You Do? And the topic, of course, is if you knew your neighbor was cheating on his wife, your good friend, what would you do?

Needless to a major anxiety event set it and as of 8:30 this morning I haven't said a word to her since.

Her a is the gift that keeps on giving.

There is wallowings then there is the MSS wallowing where you hold your breath and jump in head first, submerge, hold you breath to you pass out wallowing.

After all this time on MB and you did not have an answer?

I would of used the opportunity and welcomed it to state my position on exposure and the right for the BS to know.

Also your WW should of done the same. Matter of fact both of you could of stated your beliefs without having to blow the cover on your WW's affair.

So how did you respond to the question at this party?

How did your WW respond to the question?

Have you ever considered using Marriage Builders or are you just here to blog your lovebusting behavior? Do you want your wife to be in love with you? Or not?

Coping with Infidelity: Part 4 Overcoming Resentment

Nope, we're done. Speaking to lawyers this week. We agreed that I'm not able to live with whats happened or even be near her. I look for every opportunity to start trouble.

An 8-year affair is something I'm not willing, able, or interested in forgiving. Her remorse is genuine but I'm sure whoever put the iceberg in front of the Titanic was sorry, but the ship still sank. Every song, movie, or innocent reference in conversation will bring me back to the bad old days. I dream of destroying him, that ill catch him at the bank or market and can finally bash some of his teeth. I'm basically miserable ll the time.

All my fault. I'm not strong enough to fake emotions.

With that, I'll be signing off this forum and will not be staining the good work and success others have achieved.

Good luck to all.

There is no shame in getting a divorce, Mike. That is your prerogative. And you certainly don't have to leave the forum!

Some people can't do it. That's OK. If you can't do it, it's kinder to both your wife and yourself to divorce.


Happy trails - and remember, it's not always about recovering a marriage, sometimes it's purely a personal recovery that's a victory.

There is no faking emotions involved in Dr. Harley's recovery program. In fact, Radical Honesty forbids it.

Have you been under the impression all this time you were supposed to fake emotions until recovery happens? No wonder you haven't recovered.

Dude, after almost three years of support and (occasionally well-targeted) responses I think you owe me one, personally, and I'm cashing in that marker now.

Given that your future looks to include:
- NO Mrs MSS, attempting to help you heal;
- split custody/care of your children in some manner;
- radically increased living expenses providing for two homes able to accommodate the shared custody;
- knowledge that your upended life was initiated by terrible decisions by one to whom you pledged your fealty and devotion, and received hers in return, with no guarantee of improvement in any Round 2;

exactly how, in what form, do you see your life unfolding and existing in five years? Ten years?

I made this point to you almost on Day 1: Recovery in your case, with a remorseful, defogged wife, is not to be rated as altruistic. It should have been managed as a selfish exercise for your own good. I thought you accepted and understood that concept.

Yeah, you're occasionally miserable today, married. Without a plan of improvement you are on a track to be miserable in the future, divorced.

I think you both are wise to cut your losses and end this. Not every success story is a recovered marriage. You gave it your best shot. It didn't work. No one can fault your for that.

I only know this much, my path today is littered with my wife being someones girlfriend with all the associated perks. Cannot shake any of it. It is solely due to the sheer lenghth of time she opted for the life. It was less of a conscious decision and more of a lifestyle she saw little problem in maintaining. I will never be able to forgive her for that.
Not sure how to pretend what she did doesn't eat me alive everyday.

I frequently wonder why she would want post dday me. I've changed very little except a major depression disorder.

Why don't you ask her?

Best of luck in your life MSS. Truthfully, I don't blame you one single bit. As gut wrenching as it must be for you. My situation isn't nearly drastic as what your W has put you through and can't imagine attempting R in your shoes...really.

Peace Man. Stay Strong.