Ok, but now the story is that she has been resisting his advances and refuses to take his daily calls for the past six months?

Is that what we are to believe?

I am really quite surprised, GJM, that you trust anything that she tells you.

I don't understand why you didn't share this part of the story when you first posted about your WW wanting reconciliation.

The story you shared at that time was that the affair was over, OM was working hard on his marriage and that your WW was giving OM's BW information about the affair so that she could be ensured she had the full story on that side.

Wouldn't OMBW freak out that OM was still calling your WW daily for the past six months?

This doesn't make any sense to me, GJM. And I don't know why you didn't tell us that part of the story in your first post. Something is off here.

Yeah, that's what is confusing me as well.

The thing stinks, GJM, and I suspect that (deep down) you know that or you wouldn't have hesitated to include these facts.

Ok, let's back up and go over this again. I know that it can be confusing communicating with everyone through typing. First, I didn't leave anything purposefully. Second, I don't believe all of the things that I'm being told. I have been looking at them objectively and seeing that if it is possible, it may or may not have happened or could happen. This OM has been lying to his wife and my ex wife this whole time. We all know that my ex knew what she was getting into when she engaged in this affair. There were a lot of lies told and it has been a big mess.

From what I understand, my ex wife got tired of the OM lying to her all the time and told him to stop calling. He hasn't. She can't stop him from calling her work so the best she can do is hang up on him or let someone else answer, but she works the front desk so she has to answer if no one is around. She has been telling me when the OM calls because she says she wants to open and honest about it. Of course she doesn't know how to reconcile or make things right. The questions that I have asked have been answered. Without the polygraph, I won't know if they're true at this time, but in the past she would be defensive about anything I asked.

There haven't been any EPs put into place because right now we're only in the talking phase. That is what brought me here. I am not meeting any of her needs at this time, except maybe conversation. It's not enough that we have been spending every day together.

OM wife knows everything that is happening or has happened and has had my ex wife on speaker phone while talking to OM. OM wife has called me each time and told me what was said and about her conversations with my ex wife.

If there is anything still happening between the two of them, I know OM isn't coming back to be with my ex wife any time soon because he is stationed in GA and just bought a house. My ex wife won't go there because she will have to leave our kids behind. When the affair first started, they were in the same city. Now they are in different states. Not saying they can't see each other, because I'm not that dumb, but somebody has to pay for plane tickets and it won't be her and with OMs family being in GA with him, he doesn't have a reason to come here.

I don't want anyone to believe that I have set my heart on this and I've been sucked into anything because that is just not the case. Yes I still love her, but I'm not in a rush to see my kids get hurt again. One cannot say that if she doesn't agree to post here, she isn't serious. She is still an adult and noone can make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I am going to contact Dr Harley and get his advice. I apologize if I left anything out, but feel free to ask what you beleive I didn't cover. The assumptions don't really help though.

What are you referring to?

Have you asked her about taking a polygraph yet?

I asked you to ask her to see her response as it would give you more information. Did you see that post?

Did you ask her? What did she say?

Or are you not going to bother because you know she would not be interested?

I am not assuming, I am asking.

I don't think the OM would pursue her daily for six months without some reciprocation from her on some level. Especially since the A has supposedly ended and he is working on things with his BW who is watching him like a hawk?

That doesn't make any sense to me based on what I have seen here on the forums. Something is off with the story.

I am glad you are going to talk to Dr Harley about all of this. Very good idea.

I told you from my perspective being in a very similar position (being recently divorced from a serial cheater who has feels entitled to get needs met outside the marriage) that this is what I would require of my xWH. That I would want to see him jump through hoops before I even dreamed of giving him another chance after putting me and my children through the nightmare of a divorce and multiple A's.

Laziness in M is a big problem for serial cheating spouses. I would want to see the opposite. An extraordinary effort.

It's my opinion that if I told him this is a requirement of mine and he ignored it, it would say a lot.

If you don't want to ask your W or she won't post or you don't agree, then just say so. Please don't tell me what my opinion should be.

I'm not surprised your ex wife wants to come back. You fought valiantly and I can imagine you're looking incredibly attractive right about now.

I'm also glad to hear you're being cautious. Protect yourself and know your value. Make this lady show you that she's worthy.

Also, don't get seduced into this FOR the kids. This has to be something that will meet your needs too.

You'll find the right path. I've always been impressed by you GJM.

Is the POSOM still a Marine?! I wish the military would get serious about this kind of stuff. It destroys good Marines and obliterates morale.

GJM,

Are you still thinking about reconciling with your WXW?

BH,

Yes. It's a slow process that requires a lot of thoughtful consideration. I've had to sit and think to myself what it would take for the relationship to be successful and what I would need in order to feel secure. I've had to re-read Dr Harley's basic concepts and other articles to make sure I covered everything. I have also thought about the kids and how they would adjust and what they would need and how everything affects them.

Are you dating her?

Whats going on GJM?

Yes we've been going out. We've had many conversations and I've been observing her to see if I notice any changes in her thought process and behavior.

And what have you noticed?

What do the kids think?

Is she willing to follow MB?

The kids haven't expressed much about it except my youngest loves seeing us together. I've noticed a maturity about my WxW and a sense of calmness. It's hard to explain. Usually she would get defensive about anything I had a question about, but now she looks at me when she talks and answers me in a more caring way. It's almost like she is no longer possessed by an alien.

There hasn't been an urgency for us to rush back together and I have been unsure at times. She told me that I needed to do what was best for me and there was no pressure. It seems that we are both different people than we were prior to the affair. She knows that there is no excuse for her actions and takes responsibilty for the pain that she has caused me and the kids. There is a lot of remorse there from what I see, but I like to see how long that lasts because I've noticed that when people are not sincere, it doesn't take them long to fall back into old habits. I am stronger now and I can handle things if they don't work out. I just want to be sure and I have emphasized that to her. Not just for me, but for the kids too.

Here's another clip.
Radio Clip on Dating your Ex

Hello everyone. It's been a little bit since I've posted. As time has gone on, my posting has become less and less. I almost wanted to wait a while before posting this, but my ex wife and I have reconciled. I know there will be some criticism from some and others may have their own opinion, but things are going well so far. She has been accountable for her time and we also spend a lot of time together. Everyone seems happy. Her and I have had to get through some things and I had questions that needed answering. There are times that I get afraid of certain things, but I voice what I'm feeling and she is reassuring in any way I need her to be without asking for it. The road is long and my eyes are always open. I can honestly say that I may never put my guard down, but will use the tools I have to make me a success in the long run.

I'm sure there will be questions about my methods, reasons, responses, 5 Ws and why I made the decision to reconcile. I will try to answer as best I can. Try not to beat me up too bad. Thanks.