You can also block it on your PC using your hosts file:
How to Block Facebook Using Hosts File

Facebook is THE most dangerous threat to any marriage in today's world in my opinion. I hate it. I have her passwords and can check it any time and I do often. She has obviously unfriended him and I went on the settings and blocked him. The OM told me that he has blocked her as well. I do not think the OM has near the feelings for her as she has for him. He may have no feelings for her at all, but I could be wrong. To him, I think it was just a weekend of fun, free sex and attention from a different woman. I have looked at phone, text & FB messages and every single initial contact and phone conversation was initiated by my wife. She persued him the entire time. I only wish I had thought about checking her phone/text usage online before this all happened. I would have found someone to watch the kids and I would have been on a plane to Atlanta that horrible weekend. Thank you for letting me know about the ways to block facebook!
I am going to see the therapist tomorrow by myself. I am looking forward to seeing him as I always feel much better after leaving his office. This will be the first time I am seeing him by myself and I will get to hear his opinion of what to expect next and help me formulate a plan as well. We are going to use the book's guidelines and I suspect he will suggest something very similar.

As an EP there shouldn't be any social media used at all. By her or you. You are both vunerable to affairs now. She has demostrated that with her affair and you are weak right now because of the pain she caused you by it. Honestly, I feel personally if you need to talk to someone use a friggin' phone! You can text pics and messages just like facebook and all the other social media sites. That's just my 2 cents. I hate FB before my WW had an affair and if I knew what I knew now I would of been more diligent with transparency to prevent this affair but hey live & learn right?

Having read about half of the book, I can not fathom what it would be like to have a spouse continually involved with an ongoing affair. The pain I have endured since 5/9 has been the worst experience in my life. To others who see my family, they would believe we were living the American dream and I have worked hard at my marriage. But I am not a mind reader. I have seen little warning signs here and there and always confronted my wife. And yet, for some reason never opened up to me and spoke from her heart. I honestly believe that my mind would have been in a better place three weeks after she told me had I been informed of her death vs the news of her affair. I would have obviously been devastated but my mind would have been forced to develop plans for the future without her and I would have been busy formulating plans for my children, work, etc. I know that sounds awful but I believe it is the truth. That is how horrible this experience has been emotionally. I told the therapist that the worst part was my mind continually spins like a roulette wheel and then it stops on a number which is a thought tangent which last from 30 seconds to 5 minutes and then the wheel starts back spinning until it stops on another number. This process starts when you open your eyes in the morning and doesn't pause until you finally go to sleep that night. Continuous torture without pause. I explained this to the therapist and asked him when the wheel might stop as I was almost to the point of having some type of break down. He said it typically takes three weeks from the time you get the news. Well, he was almost right. It took 3 weeks and 2 days. And when it stopped, it was one of the best feelings I have ever had. Such relief! It is still right there on the surface but I feel that I have some control over my head now. Last night, I had to mow about four acres and the wheel came back while sitting on that mower for three hours. I was so happy to get off that damn mower! I know many people here have been through the same thing and have suffered more ongoing horror than me and I pray for anyone who has had to experience this in their lifetime. It is hell on earth. Just thought I would share some of what I have felt since 5/9.

Dr. Harley likens the pain greater than the loss of a child and he is right. Are you exercising at all? Something you both could do together as UA time as well. The endorphines are awesome and you also become more attractive alert and happy after a good workout. Just don't go by yourself invite your wife to come with you. Not sure of your physical level but a walk or short jog can suffice as well.

Don't expect too much of yourself this early on. If you are like me, you will continue to lose control of your thoughts for at least six months. It helped me a lot to get the right medication to help me get past that time.

I guess my thoughts are validated now because it is seemingly worse than grieving the death of a loved one. That is horrible to imagine but true. As for working out, I have lost a few needed pounds without trying over the last few weeks as you might imagine. I played football in college and am only 7 pounds now from my playing weight in 1987. I bought a new weight bench that I haven't even had time to put together but my wife has expressed an interest in working out with me. It's a great idea and thanks!

I actually went to the doctor for the first time yesterday since 2009 to get some sun spots frozen off of my arm. I told the doctor about what I had been through and told him I had planned on asking for some medication when I had made the appointement. But my head stopped spinning out of control between the time I made the appointment and the time I actually went to see the Dr. So I told him I didn't think I needed anything right now. If it comes back, I will definitely get him to prescribe something. Thanks! Greg

She could get a new page at any time and hide it from you. Make her completely shut down he page and block face book on all computers. My A wasn't in anyway attached to FB but my H did not feel safe with me having it, so I closed it. There is NO REASON why she still needs to get on FB.

X1000

21st century adultery facilitator.

Yep. Exactly.

FB is no more in our household. Not ever again.

Greg, many of us here have exprienced this first hand. We know too well how you feel.

I want to caution you about something.

After our dday, my FWW promised to Never lie to me again or Never have any contact at all with him. This was pre-MB.

Guess what? Her A went deeper underground. Secret email accounts were set up and they hid the interaction better then ever.

My biggest problem was that I could not monitor her work computer.

Disaster.

9mo's later, I found out. I won't go into all the details, you can read my thread, but this realization was worse than the A itself.

There is a false recovery thread on this forum which you should read. Many voice what they would have done differently knowing what they know now to avoid this.

My advice? LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED. Believe NOTHING she says. Only believe what you can verify.

Shut down FB. Take away Every and All means that they could communicate. Put devices in place that you can verify her every move. Make it perfectly clear that ANY contact in any form will lead to D.


Edit: I cannot even begin to express the pain of a FR...how crushing it was to me...how it has made our R 10,000 times more difficult.

Do yourself a favor and learn from me that you MUST do everything in your power to implement EP's and monitor her every move.

Like the others have said, the pain of an affair is right up there with the death of a child and rape. It is the worst thing that can happen to someone.

A few years back, one of our board members, a BW whose husband was in an ongoing affair, had a close friend whose husband died of cancer. This BW commented to me "you won't believe this, but I actually envy her because I think it would be less painful if my husband died." And Dr Harley has made a similar statement in the past that it is harder to endure infidelity than a death.

For me, I could not endure an ongoing affair. I will admit that I am not one who could ever go into Plan A. Joyce Harley has said the same thing and Dr Harley agreed with her. Some people just can't do it and I know I am one of them.

Pretty much every former BS out there feels like their experience took them to the absolute limit of their endurance. The thought of absorbing just one more increment is unconceivable. That is why I am here; to do all I can to make my M as rock-solid affair-proof as I can, so I will never have myself tested again. That way, I won't ever need to find out if I can do a plan A.

Amen to that!!

Another positive step came last night with my W. She had to go to a continuing education two day seminar for her work. She is staying with her father who is watching our two kids while she attended the seminar yesterday and again today.Instead of calling me last night, we had a long conversation via text messages. She came out with a couple of important pieces of information that she wants me to do for her in the future which is important because she never has done this before. I like it when she gives me specific things that she wants or needs. She told me that she needed me to be more of a leader for our family and for her and for me to make decisions for us and to be more confident. I had always consulted her for nearly everything because I wanted her approval, for her to feel like she had a say in decisions and that I always desire to please her. But apparently, she would prefer for me to take the bull by the horns more independently and make certain family decisions by myself. So I asked her what decisions she wanted to have input on and she gave me specific examples. I didn't want her to view me as being a controlling tyrant if I always made every decision on my own. I felt this was very positive.

She also asked me to take a bigger role as being the spiritual leader in our family. I am a christian and we attend church regularly but I have never felt comfortable saying prayers out loud. The kids ususally say the blessing. This is something that I knew I needed to improve but it sure was nice to hear her express this to me directly and in no uncertain terms. This may seem small to some but it is real progress to me because she has never done this sort of thing before and I see it as her actually putting in some effort on her part. Baby steps are good!

Greg,

Sounds like some good communication ... however ...

Being more of a leader doesn't mean you make independent decisions by yourself. You be the leader and make a plan but ALWAYS communicate the plan.

"This is what I plan on doing ....

Just wanted you to be informed."

This keeps her in the loop and depending on the situation allows her the freedom to enter into a negotiation if she isn't thrilled about your plan.

Independent Behavior will get you all kinds of new problems in your M. You may not have experienced it yet so I just wanted to make you aware that what you just said is a slippery slope.

Be careful how you tread.

One of the things we did immediately after DDay was to restart regular family devotions. It doesn't need to be anything elaborate. We use a devotional guide that takes about five minutes to do. It has become a core activity for our family, so much so that even our autistic son has chosen to join us completely on his own. Maybe that is something you can consider doing.

MrEureka,
Thanks for your great ideas! And, believe me, I will be careful and include her the way you suggested. Thanks! Greg

Family worship is a great way to meet an emotional need for Family Commitment. Find a way to do it that you are both enthusiastic about.