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No I haven't sent them...and yes...hard to get into a "crazy" persons head Markos to figure it all out. Only reason I haven't sent them is she is a loon and I don't need any problems her contacting my employer or the such as she has done before with her other conquests....NUTS! Don't know if I want him back or not....Hard to let go of 3 decades... But if he wanted to reconcile wouldn't he say that straight up? He did before after 9 months...Not getting that this time...well in a different fashion... Also, he is calling your bluff about sending the texts to OW because he thinks you won't.
Did you send them to her yet?
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No I haven't sent them...and yes...hard to get into a "crazy" persons head Markos to figure it all out. Only reason I haven't sent them is she is a loon and I don't need any problems her contacting my employer or the such as she has done before with her other conquests....NUTS! I would send her the texts ASAP. Don't know if I want him back or not....Hard to let go of 3 decades... WEll, if he is an alcoholic you never had him. He has never been yours. But being married for 30 years is not a good reason to stay in a bad marriage. An alcoholic cannot have or sustain a healhty marriage because alcohol is their first love. But if he wanted to reconcile wouldn't he say that straight up? He did before after 9 months...Not getting that this time...well in a different fashion... I would not care one bit what he wants. It really is irrelevant. What matters is what is best for you. And the best thing for you is for him to sober up, end his affair OR, if not, then a divorce. Divorce may be the definition of success in your case.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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OK...Got the plan... BUT MelodyLane Why would you send the tests...ASAP???????? No I haven't sent them...and yes...hard to get into a "crazy" persons head Markos to figure it all out. Only reason I haven't sent them is she is a loon and I don't need any problems her contacting my employer or the such as she has done before with her other conquests....NUTS! I would send her the texts ASAP. Don't know if I want him back or not....Hard to let go of 3 decades... WEll, if he is an alcoholic you never had him. He has never been yours. But being married for 30 years is not a good reason to stay in a bad marriage. An alcoholic cannot have or sustain a healhty marriage because alcohol is their first love. But if he wanted to reconcile wouldn't he say that straight up? He did before after 9 months...Not getting that this time...well in a different fashion... I would not care one bit what he wants. It really is irrelevant. What matters is what is best for you. And the best thing for you is for him to sober up, end his affair OR, if not, then a divorce. Divorce may be the definition of success in your case.
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Have read them and sent them to him
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OK...Got the plan...
BUT MelodyLane
Why would you send the tests...ASAP???????? To get it out of the way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OK...Got the plan...
BUT MelodyLane
Why would you send the tests...ASAP???????? To get it out of the way. I agree.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Brainhurts and Melody Lane... Thank you... IF he has to get his life in order with the alcohol and such then besides my satisfaction what would the texts to her matter? Obviously hes not concerned with her seeing them.... OK...Got the plan...
BUT MelodyLane
Why would you send the tests...ASAP???????? To get it out of the way. I agree.
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Because it will cause chaos in affair land. She will see how he is talking to you and they will fight. Affairs aren't made up of anything healthy and are laid on rotten soil.
It is a consequence of his affair.
It also shows you have boundaries. Boundaries that you will not play into his cake eating.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Book is downloaded. Reading begins... Way I looked at it was that if he was saying go ahead meant shes not gonna do a thing....She is kind of desperate and would put up with almost anything I think and wouldn't cause problems in affair land. Thought it sounded like go ahead she and I are secure in our relationship... I think I am going to like this book! Thanks! Because it will cause chaos in affair land. She will see how he is talking to you and they will fight. Affairs aren't made up of anything healthy and are laid on rotten soil.
It is a consequence of his affair.
It also shows you have boundaries. Boundaries that you will not play into his cake eating.
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WH left me after almost 30 years of marriage. Children grown. Deeply affected. Have not seen WH in 11 months. Living with OW since 1 month after they met. We do not talk. Since February WH has been sending me texts SUGGESTING he has made a mistake to a degree, misses me, blah blah blah...My comment was say what you have to say. He never has been a good communicator. While the texts to me do not specifically say he wants to reconcile....Its obvious by comments made to others...Anyway...I told him no more talk unless he moves out from OW house.
NOW! I told him I am going to show OW all texts...he says show her...
COMMENTS? Send them to her. I would send them, regardless of whether or not you want him back (Tell her: "Just making sure you know what your boyfriend is doing on his phone"). Give this drama back to them. It sounds to me like your H and his AP are having a rough patch, and he's already threatened her with leaving and going back to you. I smell drama in affair-land. I suspect he is using you as a back-up plan. Let him know that you're not going to get involved in their spat by forwarding the texts, and then don't get involved further. This is common in relationships that begin as affairs. Those relationships are built upon deception. Your H and his AP are now pointing fingers at each other, claiming hurt and distrust. The affair fog is fading. Normal stuff. How did the two of you meet? Were either of you married at the time?
Last edited by maritalbliss; 06/13/13 07:16 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Thank you. My WH and I met while I was walking my dog. Neither of us were married at that time. He was about a year out of a VERY NASTY divorce. WH left me after almost 30 years of marriage. Children grown. Deeply affected. Have not seen WH in 11 months. Living with OW since 1 month after they met. We do not talk. Since February WH has been sending me texts SUGGESTING he has made a mistake to a degree, misses me, blah blah blah...My comment was say what you have to say. He never has been a good communicator. While the texts to me do not specifically say he wants to reconcile....Its obvious by comments made to others...Anyway...I told him no more talk unless he moves out from OW house.
NOW! I told him I am going to show OW all texts...he says show her...
COMMENTS? Send them to her. I would send them, regardless of whether or not you want him back (Tell her: "Just making sure you know what your boyfriend is doing on his phone"). Give this drama back to them. It sounds to me like your H and his AP are having a rough patch, and he's already threatened her with leaving and going back to you. I smell drama in affair-land. I suspect he is using you as a back-up plan. Let him know that you're not going to get involved in their spat by forwarding the texts, and then don't get involved further. This is common in relationships that begin as affairs. Those relationships are built upon deception. Your H and his AP are now pointing fingers at each other, claiming hurt and distrust. The affair fog is fading. Normal stuff. How did the two of you meet? Were either of you married at the time?
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