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Joined: Jun 2013
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I love my husband and when I thnk about it can't see me leaving him because of how he will react and be he is very sweet handsome man ...we dated for 2 years and were basically engaged for a less than a month and we married (civil ceremony) ...been married 5 years, no i was not pregannt and we still have no kids fyi .... it was a thing like, wanna get married? Ok let's do it and we did just weeks later sometimes I think we should have really thought of it I don't regret it but we were not financially stable up till now we were 21 years old ; recently I've been talking to my friend we work together too and he makes me feel how I use to with my husband even better I feel like with him I can do what I want to do not hold back; recently my husband and I we just haven't been the same and we don't have sex as much as we used to and I don't want to anymore we probably have sex about once a week :-/ he on the other hand does want to, nothing wrong with you know what but its just not there anymore like before, my friend and I went out and hung out a couple if times my husband knew about it cause I told him and he is not the jealous type and knows my friend, I don't know what to do, I haven't had sex with my friend but when I have sex with my husband I imagine my friend. My friend and I have been friends longer 15 years; my husband I've known him 7
I just want to know what you think????
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Welcome to MB.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage?
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I would show this post to your husband so he understands that you are getting ready to make the biggest mistake of your life.
95% of affairs never make it to marriage - they crumble within 2 years. You know why? Because the traits that make them possible, deceit, thoughtlessness and selfishness eventually destroy the affair. Only a bum would pursue a married woman.
So all those feelings you have for him now will not last long.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I love my husband and when I thnk about it can't see me leaving him because of how he will react and be he is very sweet handsome man ...we dated for 2 years and were basically engaged for a less than a month and we married (civil ceremony) ...been married 5 years, no i was not pregannt and we still have no kids fyi .... it was a thing like, wanna get married? Ok let's do it and we did just weeks later sometimes I think we should have really thought of it I don't regret it but we were not financially stable up till now we were 21 years old ; recently I've been talking to my friend we work together too and he makes me feel how I use to with my husband even better I feel like with him I can do what I want to do not hold back; recently my husband and I we just haven't been the same and we don't have sex as much as we used to and I don't want to anymore we probably have sex about once a week :-/ he on the other hand does want to, nothing wrong with you know what but its just not there anymore like before, my friend and I went out and hung out a couple if times my husband knew about it cause I told him and he is not the jealous type and knows my friend, I don't know what to do, I haven't had sex with my friend but when I have sex with my husband I imagine my friend. My friend and I have been friends longer 15 years; my husband I've known him 7
I just want to know what you think???? Have you told this man how you feel about him? If you have not, then, good. DO NOT tell this man how you feel. Instead, go and tell your husband honestly what is going on, then you must agree to never see this person again. You have allowed this man to meet at least some of your emotional needs and have therefore created a strong attraction with him. When we are married, we have to CLOSE our love banks to all others, so that no one else can meet our most intimate emotional needs. The next thing you will need to do is to build a romantic passionate marriage. Have you read all the Basic Concepts on this site?
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Posts: 335
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I love my husband and when I thnk about it can't see me leaving him because of how he will react and be he is very sweet handsome man ...we dated for 2 years and were basically engaged for a less than a month and we married (civil ceremony) ...been married 5 years, no i was not pregannt and we still have no kids fyi .... it was a thing like, wanna get married? Ok let's do it and we did just weeks later sometimes I think we should have really thought of it I don't regret it but we were not financially stable up till now we were 21 years old ; recently I've been talking to my friend we work together too and he makes me feel how I use to with my husband even better I feel like with him I can do what I want to do not hold back; recently my husband and I we just haven't been the same and we don't have sex as much as we used to and I don't want to anymore we probably have sex about once a week :-/ he on the other hand does want to, nothing wrong with you know what but its just not there anymore like before, my friend and I went out and hung out a couple if times my husband knew about it cause I told him and he is not the jealous type and knows my friend, I don't know what to do, I haven't had sex with my friend but when I have sex with my husband I imagine my friend. My friend and I have been friends longer 15 years; my husband I've known him 7
I just want to know what you think???? So do you think a "friend" would be willing to have sex with a married woman? That's no friend. That's a sexual predator.
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Posts: 22
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OP
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Posts: 22 |
Thanks everyone for you advice I really appreciate it.
my friend and I have never kissed or have sex....
Last edited by Bras; 06/19/13 05:46 PM.
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I just want to know what you think???? My FWH had an affair with someone who I believed was my friend. That double betrayal was so hurtful that I used to think about driving my car off the canyon road. The only thing stopping me was my kids who needed a responsible parent. It took me YEARS to get over the intense hurt. Why would you even think about blindsiding your husband with such an agonizing betrayal? THINK ABOUT IT REAL HARD because you are going to have to look yourself in the mirror everyday. Actions have consequences. What have you done to try to save your marriage? Is this "friend" married?
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Yes I am but forget about my friend what if 2 years from now I still don't want to be intimate with my husband......
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes I am but forget about my friend what if 2 years from now I still don't want to be intimate with my husband...... First things first. Go show your husband this thread and tell him what is going on. End all contact with the this guy now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks everyone for you advice I really appreciate it.
my friend and I have never kissed or have sex.... Yah you did ........ but when I have sex with my husband I imagine my friend
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 22
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OP
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Posts: 22 |
That doesn't mean I had sex with my friend if I did I would have said it
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What does your friend think about your strong feelings? What does he suggest you do?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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That doesn't mean I had sex with my friend if I did I would have said it So it wasn't cheating to fantasize about sex with your friend? While being intimate with your husband? Would you care to ask your husband if he thought it was sex or cheating? Please don't turn into Bill Clinton.
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 22
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OP
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Posts: 22 |
I haven't told him anything about how I feel
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I haven't told him anything about how I feel Gotcha. Can you bring your husband here and show him this thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wht can I do so I can feel that spark again intimately with my husband???
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my husband and I we just haven't been the same This is so easy to fix if you would just tell your husband that there is a problem and then work the MB principles to rebuild the romantic love. I have no doubt that your husband senses that something is wrong but doesn't know how to fix it because you won't talk to him honestly. Give him a chance. You will feel much better about yourself.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Posts: 335
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Wht can I do so I can feel that spark again intimately with my husband??? Step #1 Stop this: but when I have sex with my husband I imagine my friend
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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