I tried but I was hurrying cause I had to move up the plan b time a couple days. Do u want me to post it?

Yes, show us what you gave him.

Good girl!! And when you get home, send out an email to all your friends and family telling them of his affair. Tell them it has never stopped and ask them to use their influence to persuade him to end his affair.

And whatever you do, don't let him contact you! You are doing great!

June 21, 2013
Dear ,

Unfortunately you don�t seem to have any interest in creating a great marriage with me. I sit a lot and can�t believe what is happening in our lives. I am devastated by what you have been doing , and what our lives have become. Whether you think the kids have been affected already or not, they absolutely have.

I think you are planning to move out anyway. I can�t be around you anymore, and I don�t think the children should be around you very much while you are in this toxic state. I want you to know that I am not doing this out of anger or revenge. This is simply what I have to do to protect myself and our precious kids.

I understand my part in our marriage difficulties over the years. I have not met many of your needs. For that I sincerely apologize, I realize how much I have hurt you. I am still learning and plan on continuing to learn how to be a great person and wife. HOWEVER I do not blame myself for your actions. I have been in the same marriage you have and I never looked at another man. Personally I think your state of mind about our marriage is just to justify and rationalize what has occurred.

My love for you has severely dwindled because of the cruelty you have put me and the kids through. When I said the other night that I still think you are a good man, I guess I should rephrase that. I think you have always been a good man until the last 6 or so months. And I KNOW you can again become a good, honest, caring man with integrity. It has been so sad to watch you go downhill, so incredibly sad. I ache for you not only as my husband, but as a person.

I have chosen your dad to be the intermediary in this. I will be blocking your number from calling my phone. I have changed the locks on the house and the shop. Please respect my decision to have no contact with you.

I did take the cash out of your pickup. I know you have thousands stashed in your bank account, far more than our family has. I don�t understand how you think you are caring about your kids when you do that. So I will use the cash to support our kids since this is going to be an expensive time.

I hope you find real happiness. I wish it was with me. I know that I get real happiness and satisfaction out of serving our family even though it isn�t all that natural for me. I think that�s where happiness truly comes from is thinking of others instead of only oneself.

I still love you. The kids love you. I think this family could still be saved.

Sorry, maritalbliss, I was away from home and the computer for a bit.

Melodylane, friends and family are behind me 100%, they have been aware it is ongoing and are continuing to put pressure on him even though he doesn't respond to phone calls and texts.

His sister had an hour long conversation with OW Wednesday, gave her the truth on a lot of things. And WH's father is planning on calling her as well. Things will not be happy in fantasy land.

On a side note, in one of our locked horse trailers there was a new pair of boots he had bought for her. I had to restrain myself from filling them with horse manure and putting them back in the box.

Wondering if I should file for divorce right away and just take it slowly or wait to file? I guess if I get served Monday I will have to respond.

Megz, you can file and drag it out or wait. When I was left with deciding to file, my main concern was custody of the kids and child support, so I took care of that through family court. Just another option you can look into if you don't want to file yet.

Thanks for the advice Rocketqueen.
Today I was thinking about whether I was better off with him or without him. I have to say in a lot of ways I am leaning toward without. But is that just the state of mind I am in right now?

It is absolutely normal to vacillate from one day to the next. I have seen it advised to not make any major decisions in the first few months about divorce. But definitely do what you have to to protect yourself and your interests.

Hi Megz. i think you need to send another letter using the templates on this site. Your plan B letter should have your conditions for recovery and should clearly state that there is a way back to the marriage. It should also be a love letter of sorts.

Thanks rocketqueen.

Ok, Betrayed, I will write up another letter.

I've been wandering around this board looking at posts and saw "Bob's guide for the newly broken hearted", which looked fascinating but a lot of the links don't work, maybe because they are old. Could anyone link me to SKM's chronicles?

I'm not sure how to about finding them for you. There are a bunch of great threads in the notable posts forum though. Maybe you can find them there?

Are you and WH still living together or are you in plan B?

Did you give him an addendum with child visitation schedule, financial info or anything like that? If not, perhaps you can add the NC requirements to that. Do you have an IM?

Rocketqueen, we are in plan B. I do have an intermediary. I am discussing financials through the IM.

Following is a new(hopefully better) Plan B letter as suggested by BetrayedP. I am going to attach a child visit schedule to it, along with a few financial details.

Attorney appt got changed to wednesday.

Dear *,

I think my letter the other day turned into rambling, so I will try to make this more clear.

I still love you, and I still want to stay married.

I am indeed sorry for the mistakes I have made in our marriage, not showing you enough love or happiness. I am learning how to do that better. You said the other day you thought I was faking it. It might seem a little strange right now, but I would like to help you be happy and feel loved. I haven�t been sure how to do that before, but I am learning and will continue to learn.

That you have been trying to continue your affair is a knife through my heart. It�s nearly impossible for you to accept any love from me while you are seeing her, and honestly that makes it hard to try to give you love. You�re awfully lucky I was raised with such a thick skin.
So as long as you are trying to see her, I will not see you.

I would love to get back together and create a great marriage with you, that is the most important thing in the world to me. That can happen when you ABSOLUTELY CUT OFF ALL CONTACT FOREVER WITH * and anyone connected to her.

Then, before we can reconcile, you would have to do the following:
A full honest confession to me and the bishop
A sincere heartfelt apology
A letter to me explaining why you think this happened � your actions and my actions
Create a plan for rebuilding our marriage and tell me how YOU plan to do it every day
Completely agree to precautions to prevent contact with her.

I hope to bring our family back together. As I said before, I can�t fix this alone. Maybe you think it can�t be done, or don�t see how I can ever forgive you. I have already discovered how forgiving I can be. Perhaps it is that you can�t forgive yourself? I know this absolutely can be fixed, and we can be so much stronger and happier than ever before. We need to create a new life where both of us are happy!

I love you and look forward to you returning to our home and family.

Is this what you're looking for?

SKM's Chronicles

Oh yes, thank you Brainhurts!
Is there also something along the same lines from a wandering husband?

i would cut the letter back a lot. trying to shame him is not the answer. just keep it simple. copy the templates on here.

dear husband,

i love you.
i want to work on this.
i need to not see you until you do a, b and c.

your letters tend to get wordy and he's not in a space where he can absorb any of it. also, there's a tone of judgment which overrides the love part.

other can give better help but please don't send this version if you haven't already.

Agreed. Megz, I went back to the beginning on the thread and started reading and it seems that a lot of this was already suggested to you.

If you already sent a Plan b letter, I don't know if another letter is needed. Unless it is just short and to the point and is only stating that you are open to reconciliation if he is to go NC with OW. Its hard to advise you without knowing the current situation

Megz, most of these old stories from a decade ago are terrible examples.

Please read Dr. Harley's materials instead. He has the experience to know what works and what doesn't. Even though this is Dr. Harley's forum, most people until a few years ago treated it like a testing laboratory to listen to everybody's ignorant ideas. Now it's more like a school for learning and discussing Dr. Harley's proven approaches.

Here are Dr. Harley's materials on this site about surviving an affair, including material about what to do with a wayward husband:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=4&sublink=33