The attitude seems wrong and I''m guessing at least an EA and possibly a PA.

Yeah.

Bras, we're not specifically saying you're lying or withholding information from us, it's just that in the "SAA" world, canonically, your ranking as a newly arrived WW asking for aid shedding her illicit attachments, would put you as the....wait a minute, I'll find it....hold on.....oh, yes, here it is....FIRST!

Understandable from your end. Most couples have not developed effective negotiation skills which often results in fights.

Dr Harley has created some very effective negotion rules and tools to make your discussions safe free of disrespect, judgement and angry outbursts.

Please study up on these on this site. There is much information about how to set up 'safe' discussions in a way that does not Love Bust.

How familiar are you with Dr Harley's principals? Do you have Love Busters and His Needs Her Needs?

These 2 books will help you solve the majority of your problems!

Bras,

Read the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley. It fully diagnoses the problems of affairs, provides a full explanation of the "anatomy" of an affair, and prescribes medicine for curing the illness. The book is written around two cases. The first case is an emotional affair that is nipped in the bud and has a quick happy ending, and the case case is an affair that goes long term and the couple suffers horribly over a few years before finally recovering their marriage and finding marital happiness.

Your case can be like the first one. You have wisely come here because you realize you are about to make a big mistake. But you know deep down it is a wrong choice. There is a way out, and if your husband receives this as a wake-up call, which he should, and is willing to get on board the MB program, you can have a wonderful marriage.

I hope you will take our advice. We are praying for you.

Well the first thing you can do, is ditch this "friend". You are applying all of your love bank units towards him. That is why you do not feel anything toward your H right now. Run very far away from this "friend" and don't turn back!!!!

You feel guilty because you are thinking about doing something. I know this feeling. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not make the same mistake I did and act on it.

I started having feelings for one of my co-workers several months before we actually started an EA and then PA. I wish I would have known about this site and been given the advice you are getting. When my H discovered my A in November, he asked me how long I had been having feelings for the OM.

I thought back, right to where you are right now and I remember these feelings started as early as April of that year. That is the month my H considers that the A started because that is when I started giving my love to another man and that is when I started destroying my marriage.

Those butterflies in your stomach right now are only going to turn into piranhas. Especially if you go through with this and your H finds out after the fact. I know you have heard the saying "the grass is always greener..." What going to happen in five years if you get with this "friend" and then the sparks die again? Are you going to run to another so called "friend"?

Marriage is hard work but you don't just drop your H and your marriage when things aren't rosy. No that is the time when you open up and be honest with your H and fix the problem.

You are being given a gift right now, please don't ignore it!!

EMERGENCY! Two months ago your post could have been written by me. If I had only turned to SOMEONE for advice, maybe the disaster I have created could have been avoided. But I was blinded by my own needs and the excitement and fulfillment I was feeling by spending time with this "friend." We became lovers and my husband found out. He was devastated. If I could go back in time and have someone tell me STOP, you need to tell your husband RIGHT NOW what you are feeling/thinking/considering, and I had done so, I have no doubt my husband would have taken it very seriously as a wake up call to start working on the weaknesses in my marriage. And I would not be where I am now, crushed with guilt, humiliation, sadness and fear that I have permanently destroyed my life. Thankfully, after the initial trauma, my husband found this site and we have been working very hard to save our marriage. TELL YOUR HUSBAND and don't do what I did, hurt a good man who never even saw it coming.

Amen to the above. I've been in the exact position, made the wrong choice, and will be paying for it, along with my H, for the rest of our lives. RUN!

Hi NeverSayNever
Out of curiosity, does your husband post here?

He does now. NSN13sBH.

And what happens when he still passes by his ex house he doesn't see her, he just I guess wants to see how she looks or something I don't know

I had the same struggle too about a year ago. There was a man too. My husband was too preoccupied with his dream, his career and his passion over his research (he is a scientist). I felt i was abandoned emotionally and physically. When that man appeared everything seems so right and finally i thought there was a people that paying attention to me. I came to a decision to divorce my husband after all those days quarrel and fighting with him. He did begged me to come back and stated how much he wants our marriage to work but i was hurt and my heart was broken into pieces then, i can't even listen to anything he wanted to say. I hate myself to become a woman like that but i can bear anymore to live a life with my husband like this.
When i packed up my stuff and walked out from that door, he cupped my face so hard and forced me to look at him.
Its been a long while since the last time i looked at him. And that particular day, i saw myself in his bloodshot eyes. Its me, it has always be me in his eyes. And i think to myself why would i married this man at the first place? Isn't it not because how much i was in love with him and how much we have been through together? Then, i realized i can't leave him. Deep down in my heart, i still love him so much and that man outside is nothing compares with my husband!
You began your story with the phrase: "I love my husband.." Why wouldn't you continue to love him?

I do!
Did you see the post i just put?

Did you tell your husband?

That I kno he does that ? No

Did you do this?

If "communication" is to be characterized by the x-way exchange of information (with x > 1), then I would aver that what we have here is a failure to communicate.

To review:

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage? 19 June
-- Never Answered

Have you read all the Basic Concepts on this site? 19 June
-- Never Answered

What have you done to try to save your marriage? 19 June
-- Never Answered

So, are you willing to do what it will take to get that spark back? 19 June
-- Never Answered

Bras, did you get a chance to take a look at these (MB videos)? 20 June
-- Never Answered

Did you tell your husband(about your affair)? 01 July
-- Never Answered

In my only prior note on this thread, I alluded to the fact that Bras, coming here as a yet-undetected-WW, asking for help ending her affair, would have been...rare.

I was wrong. She's obviously a cake-eating WW looking to assuage her guilt by blogging about her "pain", while caring nothing for, and doing nothing about, that of her unsuspecting BH.

(Bras, the problem is that "Never Answered", repeated often enough, will inevitably be noted and addressed by "NeverGuessed"!)