|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 63
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 63 |
Although you JUST recently had a fling with a guy on another forum?  Not a fling. It was entirely one-sided, as it so often is with me. I enjoyed our conversations and genuinely looked forward to his messages. That's all. But, yes, for someone who has a weakness with boundaries, it was wrong, and he most definitely noticed it and stopped pm-ing me. I was honest about my troubles with attachments to other men in my very first post.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Just because I didn't charge off of here and gleefully write a NC letter and call up my friend to ruin her life, doesn't mean I haven't taken every bit of advice to mull over and consider. Do you know we hear people say this all the time? Some of us have even done it. Usually it's the ones saying "thanks for your posts, I will read them and think about it" the loudest who are doing NOTHING and making NO CHANGES. I know - I used to thank people for the posts they made to me all the time when I first got here. While nothing changed! If you actually want to reestablish romantic love, you have to follow the plan. Diets don't work if you read about them and talk about them but don't follow them - you don't lose the weight!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 63
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 63 |
I'm confused. If she knows what you did and was present, and other wife is gone/probably in the crack house, how do you figure you would 'ruin her life' by telling the truth? This was my point about talking to my husband again about all of this. I makes it seem like MORE happened or that it's STILL happening. That's what I meant about it making him suspicious. This was a problem that I thought we already dealt with. The biggest issue now is that we still see all of these people. I can understand why that would be a problem if you think that just seeing any of these men changes my thinking toward my husband.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Are you going to go NC or not? Yes or no?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
The kissing? These were not romantic kisses, not in the least bit. It is common among our crowd of friends to be free with our affections, i.e. hugs and kisses, most especially while drinking and having a good time. We were around other people when they happened, okay? Not off by ourselves being sneaky. There are many cultures and crowds were adultery or other marriage-damaging behaviors are common. In my culture, it's common for the men to go off by themselves hunting or whatever while the wives do their own thing, and everybody calls this a "good marriage" even though there's no intimacy. And most people in my culture think good marriages still have regular fights, even though this actually isn't true and this is marriage damaging behavior. Romantic kisses or not, crowd behavior or not, it's still not a good idea.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389 |
The biggest issue now is that we still see all of these people. I can understand why that would be a problem if you think that just seeing any of these men changes my thinking toward my husband. So why don't you just not answer the phone or talk to them ever again??? A 3 year old knows how to hang up a phone, why are you still arguing this 30 pages later? I get it, you want to sweep this under the rug and continue on without revealing to your husband and your 'friends' what you have truly done and who you really are. On towards someone who actually wants to change and isn't seeking more online validation (you won't get it here).
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
The very fact that I am seeking relationship help instead of walking out the door, is proof that I am serious about working on my marriage. Again, we see people say this all the time - while at the same time they are skipping steps, cutting corners, and heading toward disaster. If you are serious, take the steps that everybody here says you need to take. Follow the His Needs, Her Needs plan: go no contact, and tell your victims what happened.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
- Yes, alcohol was usually involved, which became a problem for me as it enabled me to push the boundaries of my marriage and act in ways that I never would have dreamed of doing before. I also frequently talked about the issues I had with my husband to this friend, which was wrong. And we were comfortable enough to talk about sex which was definitely a red flag. Nothing physical has ever happened between us besides a few friendly drunk kisses.
- Further clarification...the physical stuff only ever happened with the second friend, besides the few drunk kisses I mentioned with the person who seems to be the center of all of this. The reason I refer to him as a "best" friend is because he knows me the best. As I mentioned, we are alike in many ways. That's all. I don't have to be in contact with him. It's just next to impossible to think that we won't ever see him.
- I am not having a secret torrid affair, but rather, I recognized some inappropriate aspects of my friendship with this one person that lead me to talk to our pastor.
- I couldn't talk to him about personal matters out of respect for my husband, nor could I spend one-on-one time with him, going out for drinks, etc. anymore. My husband was cc'd on it. I also talked to our Pastor privately about the situation.
When you talk about how it's really not that bad, you are doing something called "minimizing." It becomes a marriage-destroying behavior when you do it in marriage. I used to do this to my wife all the time. When she was upset with me, instead of CHANGING what I was doing and STOPPING things that I was doing to upset her, I would tell her that it really wasn't that bad and try to persuade her to feel different. My minimizing made her miserable and ruined our marriage. So - knock off the minimizing! Quit wasting board space talking about how your mistakes really weren't so bad. You don't have anything to gain from persuading us of that, anyway.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,816
Administrator Member
|
|
Administrator Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,816 |
This thread is being locked.
Please recontact us if you decide you are actually interested in ending your affair and are willing to take the suggestions & advice. As it stands now, these members are wasting their precious time when they could be helping others that are sincere.
JustUss
Administrator/Moderator
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
674
guests, and
80
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,042
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
