Thank you for coming by Brain.

I feel like I'm on the verge of losing it, and I need a life rope. Yes, I asked all the questions I could possibly ask during that time. I was belligerent about it and beat Ship up in the process for years.

Yes, he has EPs in place.

I know all of his passwords, read his texts from time to time, he does not have female friends and will not ride in the car or go to lunch with the opposite sex. We share a facebook page (but he doesn't use it).

I've hurt him by bringing up our past together. I thought I was hurting because of that, but markos showed me that if we have a happy present, I won't look at the unhappy past. I am a very transparent person, so it is hard for me to keep things to myself when I'm upset.

Years ago, I exposed to my mom and a mentor, but that was all the support I got. When I wasted away to 114 lbs and looked empty in the eyes, his family looked on in confusion.

No, I do not believe he uses the rule of care. He goes back and forth between his giver (most of the time, so he is sacrificing) or his taker (really cruel with his words).

No, Ship is not on board with UA time.

He doesn't even like me reading about MB and called it a LB that I even looked at it. And I told him that it didn't make sense that me looking at how to better our marriage emptied his Lovebank. He said he can always tell when I'm looking at it because I act different.

I told him that things will be difficult because I want a MB marriage, and he isn't on the same page.

It doesn't empty his lovebank at all. It is not a lovebuster. I think it bothers him when you hold him accountable. Is that what happens when you start posting on Marriage Builders?

Is he still giving you the silent treatment for exposing his affair?

You are on the right track. I would hold him accountable for this, Anointed. If he refuses to do these things, then you don't have a marriage.

Yes, when I post on MB I see that changes need to be made, and I address them. I admit, I may not do it correctly, and I'm willing to change that. I can see why Ship needs to feel that MB will benefit him, too.

Yes, he will not allow me to touch him, and he gives me short answers when I talk to him. Last night I offered to give him SF to comfort him (us really) and he refused. I said, "It doesn't have to mean anything." He said, "It always means something."

I told him that I was going to wait until he's asleep and then hold him and he said, "I'd rather you not."

I sent a text this morning that said, "15 years. I'm grateful for the time we've had together." He texted back, "Ditto."

I'm not sure what he is doing.

He asked me things like, "since you haven't met my need for SF all these years, do I need to call all of our family and tell them that you were abused and don't meet my needs, so watch out if {insert VERY private thing I shared with him}" I told him he was cruel. That it's not the same thing, and he was hurting me.

And what does he mean by not meeting his need for SF? I've really made a lot of headway in that area, and if he's unhappy and not telling me, how is that my fault? I ask him to be honest, and he is not.

I think he is specifically talking about wanting blowjobs. We have gone round and round about this for years. This is something he did get from another woman during his longest affair.

Stop rewarding him when he acts like a punk. Dr Harley has said that when a spouse is passive aggressive and manipulative that you should never give them what they want. Ignore him when he acts like a punk instead of REWARDING HIM. Do you see how you are training him to act like a punk?

Don't get into debates with him when he is acting like a teenage gurl. You just embolden him. And does he believe he has a "NEED" for blowjobs? You can disabuse him of that notion once he mans up and stops throwing his gurly fit. I know teenage gurls who have more maturity than this.

Definitely don't debate exposure with him. Don't even talk about it. You don't have to justify it to him. Just refuse to have conversations about the subject. If he wants to talk to you, he has to talk about something else.

(Besides, he just told you, two days ago, to tell anybody you wanted!)

No MelodyLane. Can you teach me? How am I rewarding him? I thought I was being respectful and nice in the face of things.

I do agree that he throws fits when he does not get his way.

I asked him last night if he really meant it when he told me to expose. He said yes.

Sometimes I don't think he knows what he wants. In my mind, I rescued him from the darkness of hiding his past. I rescued him because I love him. Even if he hates me for it.

Yes, he did say that but he was angry when he said it. I knew he wouldn't be happy about it.

Can somebody just turn me off for a few days? Can I just lay in bed and pretend this isn't happening? I'd rather not be here, and if it weren't for my children it's possible I would have been dead long ago.

How does any of this ADDRESS his childish, cruel behavior? You act like it didn't happen and instead offer him rewards for behaving like a d*ck.

When he acts like childish gurl, instead of doing the above things and giving him attention and love [REWARDS] for throwing a FIT, you should IGNORE him.

The answer to that is a very staunch YES.

Your reaction to his despicable behavior is a HUGE part of the problem. If you would stop rewarding him for being a punk, I predict he would stop acting that way. I wouldn't tolerate that for 2 seconds and neither should you.

And have you explained to him that is nonsense? No one has a "need" for blowjobs.

I see. Okay.

In the past when I have ignored him for behaving this way (for days because it can last for days) I was told not to do that. That I was Lovebusting.

I'm confused.

How do I hold boundaries? I love him and want him to know it, but now I've learned that I must also love myself and must hold boundaries to do so.

You aren't doing that for him, are you?

Anointed, he should not get his emotional needs met if he is being abusive to you and not meeting your emotional needs.