This was my own takeaway too. Your H has behaved so badly that you are running on empty. You could fall for a tree right now if it waved back.

There was an analogy I heard a comedian use about a politician one time, as follows;


It's like a woman who just got divorced, and she was previously married to an alligator with AIDS. All the next guy has to do is not try to eat her, and not give her aids... and he's an improvement!

[[[[ snort ]]]]

Anointed, you sound like you're emotionally drained and exhausted, running on empty, that's why I suggested emphasizing having fun with your kids. You need emotional connection. How about making plans to do something fun with the baby/the kids, meeting a woman friend, preferably with the kids like at the park so they can run off some steam, and plan a date night activity with your H? Then you'll stop distracting yourself with this "oh how could I have talked to this guy at the store" stuff.

This good-guy/bad-guy blame and shame stuff is more renter mentality. "If Anointed shows how she acts up, then Ship will feel less imbalance." Y'all aren't bad, you are doing the same things we all did that mess up these huge blessings we've been given. But hopefully that's okay because now you know and you can totally eliminate the SDs, DJs, AOs, AHs. Consciously bring peace into the home with a focus on RC and conversation about the things that are both of your favorite to talk about.

Thanks NED.

Having a hard time caring about much right now.

Feeling some anger, rebellion, self-absorbed.

Trying to focus on caring for the kids.

Ship said he listened to the radio show yesterday. I listened to yesterday's show just now.

Ship is trying to take care of me. I'm shut down.

That goes double for me. And probably for Prisca as well.

He can and should solve this problem immediately. Has he given you a written UA schedule yet?

How?

Does that mean he's scheduled out 15 hours for the two of you to spend together next week? If not, it won't work, and he's barking up the wrong tree.

I'm talking to you, Ship. Glad you are listening to the radio show. Schedule the hours.

Schedule the hours.

Schedule the hours.

no

Telling me he is sorry for my pain, asking me what he can do for me.

Holding me. Giving me as much SF as I want bc my need is off the charts right now.

But the actions that will make long-term change? Not sure

When he asks this, answer that he needs to give you a written UA schedule and then follow through on it.

Don't settle for crumbs.

Repost. Reread this and make sure he does these things:

I went to a new hairdresser today and I picked a male because they said he was the best.

He was good looking, married, and had 2 children.

I was open, and he knew it. Once my appt was done, I knew that I could see him later if I wanted to.

I came home, told Ship, cancelled my next appt and changed my contact info to Ship's cell #.

I played with fire. I knew what I was doing.

I didn't even feel sorry.

And I decided to climb out of my hole and do what is right. And now I have a glimpse into the wayward mind.

Very ugly.

Still cannot be trusted.

Whether or not you were "open" was your choice. Evidently you CHOSE to be open.

How did you know he was married with two children? Were you actually chatting with this guy?? (EN = conversation)

This.

You're as open and vulnerable as you choose to be. You seem to be pushing yourself to wanting to receptive to this thinking. As miserable as my marriage once was, I never pushed myself or put myself in situations like you seem to want to be in lately. I've always worked around a lot of women but relationship talk was never brought up and I for sure never thought "I could totally be with her". Possibly because the last thing I wanted was another woman when I was having problems with one already.

It's also possible that you are reading more into these men. I'd assume your hair dresser might be like when I was when bartending...if I was funny, complimenting, and lightly flirty I made better tips from women. I wasn't going to sleep with them though.

You seem to be grasping for attention.

If you are not serious about all this, then why come here?

It seems that you are having troubles with boundaries now that you've exposed. Why?

Take a deep breath, get calm, and stop thinking about other men or how they look at you. Your focus needs to be on your marriage right now. 20 hours a week, with UA on RC, affection, conversation, and SF. Are you discussing plans on how to do this?
If not, a Plan B letter may be in order, but not this spiral down to an affair of your own. I don't want to offend you, but is this a move to kind of "scare Ship straight"?

Stay strong and on the MB path.

Anointed, I am at a real loss as to why this sidetrack. Can we get back to the problems at hand, here?

This is very easy to solve with some simple therapy:



There, now that that's handled, could you please GO BACK and answer my questions? Has Ship given you a UA schedule, or not?

I think she decided she needed to throw Ship a bone by making herself look bad. We explained to her that his complaint that she never made herself look bad was BS, so I hope she'll let us move on now.

Okay, marriage in crisis, quit making hairdresser appointments, and go get after Ship to give you that UA schedule.