Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
It seems that you are having troubles with boundaries now that you've exposed. Why?
I think she decided she needed to throw Ship a bone by making herself look bad. We explained to her that his complaint that she never made herself look bad was BS, so I hope she'll let us move on now.
Okay, marriage in crisis, quit making hairdresser appointments, and go get after Ship to give you that UA schedule.
That's a perspective I didn't consider. All I can say is that it seems unreal, like it's not even her making the posts. And if you're right, then that's more mind gaming than I can wrap my head around.
xFWW(me)-48 Married-14 years D-Day~23-May-11 NC- 14-Apr-11 1 DS 15 Online course July '11 to July '12 17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12 Divorced Jan 21, 2013
Anointed, I would like to repeat my wife's earlier suggestion that you see your doctor about the possibility of short term antidepressants. You need your wits about you right now, and you need to focus.
Front burner: ABUSE. NEGLECT. UA SCHEDULE. RELAXATION TRAINING.
Back burner: Getting hair done.
Stay on the front burner stuff please.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
Whether or not you were "open" was your choice. Evidently you CHOSE to be open.
How did you know he was married with two children? Were you actually chatting with this guy?? (EN = conversation)
This.
You're as open and vulnerable as you choose to be. You seem to be pushing yourself to wanting to receptive to this thinking. As miserable as my marriage once was, I never pushed myself or put myself in situations like you seem to want to be in lately. I've always worked around a lot of women but relationship talk was never brought up and I for sure never thought "I could totally be with her". Possibly because the last thing I wanted was another woman when I was having problems with one already.
It's also possible that you are reading more into these men. I'd assume your hair dresser might be like when I was when bartending...if I was funny, complimenting, and lightly flirty I made better tips from women. I wasn't going to sleep with them though.
You seem to be grasping for attention.
You are right. I don't think I'm reading into anything, but what difference does it make?
It seems that you are having troubles with boundaries now that you've exposed. Why?
I think I just got super angry and was doing really damaging things.
Originally Posted by LifetimeLearner
Take a deep breath, get calm, and stop thinking about other men or how they look at you. Your focus needs to be on your marriage right now. 20 hours a week, with UA on RC, affection, conversation, and SF. Are you discussing plans on how to do this? If not, a Plan B letter may be in order, but not this spiral down to an affair of your own. I don't want to offend you, but is this a move to kind of "scare Ship straight"?
Stay strong and on the MB path.
I got out of focus, but I'm getting steady. I'd like 20 hrs UA time focusing on all the right things. I'm frustrated because I have no control of whether Ship will truly participate.
I don't think I did it to get Ship's attention. Maybe a little? But truly I just was feeling very destructive and hateful...maybe spiteful?
Anointed, I would like to repeat my wife's earlier suggestion that you see your doctor about the possibility of short term antidepressants. You need your wits about you right now, and you need to focus.
Front burner: ABUSE. NEGLECT. UA SCHEDULE. RELAXATION TRAINING.
Back burner: Getting hair done.
Stay on the front burner stuff please.
Ok. Front burner.
I'm considering what you said because I've been shocked at my own attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors.
I wanted to keep my feelings from you all. I hated to disappoint you, but I truly have been in a very, very dark place. And I just wanted to hurt myself in every possible way.
Doesn't look like he's really doing anything to me, then.
Don't settle for crumbs.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
Do you enjoy the activities he has proposed? Will you be able to talk during them?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
Tell him right away that you are fine with the working out as long as there is a LOT of interaction like this. I would say you are willing to try it, but if it goes back to little interaction, he needs to come up with something else.
And, since I know Ship is reading, let me just add this, and I hope I don't make anyone blush: "butt-grabbing." Ship, it's a rare woman whose that overtly comfortable with being grabbed - use it, friend!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
