Ok, I did tell him. He said how can I schedule it if we dont know if it will work for UA time? I said we can just change it next week if we have to.

And then of course you have to be honest and tell him if you find it doesn't work. And you know we will be on you to do that.

I'm glad I only use clippers to cut my hair as it's so low maintenance and my wife can do my hair now. When it was long I wouldn't have a guy touch my hair. I have hair similar to a black person so I always had a black woman do mine.

Good luck on working out together. My wife and I tried that and it was a miserable experience for both of us. It was close to the lettuce shopping experience that Melody had. I've had female training partners before and it worked great but we were like minded when it came to training.

How's the UA?

Thanks kilted_thrower.

I worked out with Ship for the first time in probably over a week yesterday. He did lots of high-fiving and butt-grabbing. lol

It was fun.

Anointed, I have been so worried about the advice that you received about the locked door incident that I sent some time reading on the private forum to find similar cases, and see what Dr H's advice was. The nearest situation I could find involved a marriage in which there had been an affair. The couple had recently met Dr H at the weekend forum.

The BW wrote to Dr H because on a flight the previous weekend, she had felt ill. She told her H about feeling unwell and he had not responded in a caring manner. He had not comforted her on the flight and when they left the plane, he had left her to carry her own bags.

At home, when she complained about his lack of care for her on the flight, he did not think there had been anything wrong with the way he behaved. He pointed out that he did ask the steward for something to make his wife feel better. In all, he made it clear that he did not see why she was upset and did not think she should be.

This sounds a bit like your situation the other day, pregnant (which is not a short-term event, of course) and faced with your H's uncaring behaviour towards you. Since then, you have tried to explain why you felt uncared for in the hope that he will see how this hurts you and care enough to try and change his uncaring behaviour. He doesn't see what is upsetting about how he treated you so he is making no commitment to treating you more caringly in the future.

This was Dr H's response to the poster on the private forum:


"Your husband's thoughtless behaviours are all habits that need to be changed".

This husband wanted to change, evidenced by his being at the weekend seminar. He had spoken to Dr H and Dr H knew this about him; he wanted to change. Therefore, Dr H's advice was for his wife to keep asking him to consider her feelings in all his actions, and for her to be patient because he wanted to change. But a change in behaviours was necessary if this wife was to fall in love with him again. Her LB was severely in the red because of the affair, and the uncaring behaviour was making this worse.

In a follow-up reply Dr H wrote:

It's the same solution for you. If your H wants to make you happy he will need to commit to changing thoughtless behaviours, and he will need to listen to you when you complain, and not reject your complaint. If you are maintain your commitment to this marriage over time, then you need to see a willingness to change the behaviours you dislike, and, slowly, actual changes in your H's behaviour.

Markos and I LOVE working out together -- we find it a great way to flirt and admire each other, and have had some of our best conversations with each other then. Dr. Harley recommends it as a great activity to do together (although I've heard him say he and Joyce don't do it together because she doesn't enjoy it!).

SugarCane, thank you for posting this to me almost a year ago.

It still applies.

It made me tear up to read your thanks.

The other day when you exposed, I felt a lot of pain for you when you described how hurt you've been by the affairs, and how you have been left alone to get over it. I've felt like that too, but I never had four children including a very young baby to cope with through it all. My heart goes out to you, Anointed.

ETA: Sorry markos, we are still not listening together. I'll ask Ship.

We have spent quite a bit of time together over the weekend. I didn't keep track of it, but it was a lot.

Ship asked me for the UA schedule he made so he could keep track of it, so it seems like he is serious about doing it.

We also had this text conversation today:

Ship: I love you with all my heart. Just want you to know that. Can you give me your list of my failures when I get home?

Me: I don't have a list. I love you too. Very much.

Ship: You are supposed to keep one per their plan. I have to learn!

Ship: How do you feeeeel about keeping a list this week so that I will know more about the things I do that sabotage our relationship? {>


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I haven't been keeping a list because I didn't know how serious he was about knowing. I will now.

Should Ship be keeping a list about me right now? I know I've made some sarcastic statements (DJs) a few times lately.