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Thanks Brainhurts.
She did the 4h horse show last year, so he knows it's coming up in August, just not the exact date. So true, not my problem.
He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend. I'm holding firm, and telling mediator I won't be home. I have someone else interchanging kids for me.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Thanks Brainhurts.
She did the 4h horse show last year, so he knows it's coming up in August, just not the exact date. So true, not my problem.
He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend. I'm holding firm, and telling mediator I won't be home. I have someone else interchanging kids for me. Good. Make sure you are prepared for him to show up. Can you make sure not to be home and have someone else there?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks Brainhurts.
She did the 4h horse show last year, so he knows it's coming up in August, just not the exact date. So true, not my problem.
He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend. I'm holding firm, and telling mediator I won't be home. I have someone else interchanging kids for me. Excellent! And as Brainy said, don't be at the house. Run to the store or something at pick up time.
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Thanks Brainhurts.
She did the 4h horse show last year, so he knows it's coming up in August, just not the exact date. So true, not my problem.
He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend. I'm holding firm, and telling mediator I won't be home. I have someone else interchanging kids for me. Good. Make sure you are prepared for him to show up. Can you make sure not to be home and have someone else there? How is that in Megz's best interest? Isn't Plan B supposed to be a psychological safe haven for Megz, where she doesn't have to worry about WH showing up at her house? I don't think Megz should make arrangements for someone else to be there because that just enables WH to drop the kids off at her house, which breaches her Plan B rule that he must exchange the kids through an another person at another location. It seems to me that Plan B must be airtight and the IM needs to be very clear about that. Perhaps Megz can park her car in the garage or leave the house so WH thinks she isn't home, but enabling him to leave the kids with another person at Megz's house just teaches WH that Megz isn't serious about enforcing her Plan B rules.
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I could be wrong, but I don't believe the exchanges are being done at the house but are at a local church by an intermediary. I think Brain hurts suggested that someone else be at the house to prevent "trespassing" since Megz said above "He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend." enabling him to leave the kids with another person at Megz's house just teaches WH that Megz isn't serious about enforcing her Plan B rules. Completely agree!
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/12/13 12:29 PM.
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Once Megz' WH realizes that no one is playing his game he'll stop trying and play by the rules.
Note to Megz- don't make it possible for him to make hs own rules. If someone is at the house for security sake, do not have them answer the door.
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Thanks Brainhurts.
She did the 4h horse show last year, so he knows it's coming up in August, just not the exact date. So true, not my problem.
He is being insistent on bringing the kids back to the house (instead of the meeting place) after he has them this weekend. I'm holding firm, and telling mediator I won't be home. I have someone else interchanging kids for me. Good. Make sure you are prepared for him to show up. Can you make sure not to be home and have someone else there? How is that in Megz's best interest? Isn't Plan B supposed to be a psychological safe haven for Megz, where she doesn't have to worry about WH showing up at her house? I don't think Megz should make arrangements for someone else to be there because that just enables WH to drop the kids off at her house, which breaches her Plan B rule that he must exchange the kids through an another person at another location. It seems to me that Plan B must be airtight and the IM needs to be very clear about that. Perhaps Megz can park her car in the garage or leave the house so WH thinks she isn't home, but enabling him to leave the kids with another person at Megz's house just teaches WH that Megz isn't serious about enforcing her Plan B rules. She doesn't know for sure if he is just playing games and Megz had challenges of staying dark. I'm saying for her to not allow WH to have contact with her. I also am worried that Megz won't have the fortitude to not talk to WH if he does show up. He knows that if he shows up that she will break and talk to him. She needs to do everything to stay dark. If she can't stay strong and not even look at him through the window(we've seen many BW want to look through the window to get a glimpse of their WH) then she must remove herself. Understand JessicaClaire?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Once Megz' WH realizes that no one is playing his game he'll stop trying and play by the rules.
Note to Megz- don't make it possible for him to make hs own rules. If someone is at the house for security sake, do not have them answer the door. Exactly.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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okay, I will look into getting someone else to do it. He actually brought them to our house 2 hours early. The kids said it went well, they had fun, he was touched by their letters. He was not expecting to have the baby. But 9 yr old saw him send OW a mushy text. YUCK This is exactly what I'm worried about. WH just dropping them off at the house when he wants to. Megz, Where are the exchanges happening?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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okay, I will look into getting someone else to do it. He actually brought them to our house 2 hours early. The kids said it went well, they had fun, he was touched by their letters. He was not expecting to have the baby. But 9 yr old saw him send OW a mushy text. YUCK This is exactly what I'm worried about. WH just dropping them off at the house when he wants to. Megz, Where are the exchanges happening? Megz said that WH is insisting on dropping the kids off at Megz's house this weekend, so the goal is to prevent that from happening. Correct? My point is that WH literally will not be able to drop the kids off at Megz's house if her doors are locked and it appears that no one is home. If, however, Megz takes your advice and has someone at her house when WH tries to drop off the kids--whether Megzs is home or not--WH will see that someone is there who can take care of the kids, so he will be able to leave them there. That violates the Plan B rule which prevents WH from returning the kids directly to Megz's house.
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okay, I will look into getting someone else to do it. He actually brought them to our house 2 hours early. The kids said it went well, they had fun, he was touched by their letters. He was not expecting to have the baby. But 9 yr old saw him send OW a mushy text. YUCK This is exactly what I'm worried about. WH just dropping them off at the house when he wants to. Megz, Where are the exchanges happening? Megz said that WH is insisting on dropping the kids off at Megz's house this weekend, so the goal is to prevent that from happening. Correct? My point is that WH literally will not be able to drop the kids off at Megz's house if her doors are locked and it appears that no one is home. If, however, Megz takes your advice and has someone at her house when WH tries to drop off the kids--whether Megzs is home or not--WH will see that someone is there who can take care of the kids, so he will be able to leave them there. That violates the Plan B rule which prevents WH from returning the kids directly to Megz's house. The problem is her WH has done this before 2 hours early. My advice is for her to prepare for that and to not be available. If she has to take her kids and not be home then that's what she needs to do. The last few times at PU/DO she has seen and talked to her WH. I'm trying to keep her dark. She breaks Plan B at every chance her WH takes.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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PU/DO is at our church 2 miles away. I am leaving the house the entire afternoon/evening, locking it up tight. If he thinks he's going to drop them off early he's going to have to go to the IM's house. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, busy day. 
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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PU/DO is at our church 2 miles away. I am leaving the house the entire afternoon/evening, locking it up tight. If he thinks he's going to drop them off early he's going to have to go to the IM's house. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, busy day. Good. So there's no way for you to see him, correct? How are you doing?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No I won't be able to see him. I'm doing good. Just trying to think of something fun to do besides clean/organize and get a lesson ready for church. LOL
He and the kids are actually headed to Utah to his family reunion! Could get interesting since his whole family will be there and are spitting mad at him. I'm surprised he even decided to go. I told his dad he's either going to apologize or defend himself.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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No I won't be able to see him. I'm doing good. Just trying to think of something fun to do besides clean/organize and get a lesson ready for church. LOL
He and the kids are actually headed to Utah to his family reunion! Could get interesting since his whole family will be there and are spitting mad at him. I'm surprised he even decided to go. I told his dad he's either going to apologize or defend himself. Utah, haha my neck of the woods. Good maybe they will put the pressure on him to do the right thing.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Hopefully ILS will put pressure on your WH. To have ILS that are prepared to stand against the A rather than take the easy option of denial can be a huge asset.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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IL's have already put tremendous pressure on him. they have told him OW will NEVER be allowed in their homes, and if he goes through with divorcing me because of A, WH is not welcome in their homes either. They don't want their children around that kind of person.
WH's sister actually called OW and told her that she would never be accepted by them. My IL's are truly wonderful people.
Unfortunately WH is sort of a person who when pushed, pushes back instead of listening to reason. So he has a lot of personal work to do.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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OW just sent an email to myself, WH, WH's parents and sister "explaining" her side of things and how she didn't know WH wasn't actively going through with a divorce. (this was in response to a 5 page letter WH's mom sent to OW and her mother)
I have a few things on my mind that I would like to say to her, but not sure if I should since I am in Plan B. Should I?
Child exchanges went well through an IM. Kids and I just got home. DD got mad at her dad for texting and calling OW all weekend. She challenged him to not text/call the whole time, but she was disappointed when he was right back at it. So sad that a 9 year old girl has to get after her dad like that.
Me: BW 33
Kids 11, 8, 6, 18 months
DDay 1/22/13
Plan B 6/21/13 long overdue
broke Plan B august 2013, my mistake
Divorce 6/30/14
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Ok. Why do you still have the same email address? The OW should not be able to contact you. And you really shouldn't know ANYTHING about what your WH's mom is up to, etc.
This is not a real plan B. Do you realize that all of this 'inside info' is damaging for you and for recovery? Do you remember Melody Lane saying you love the drama?
You need to block all of this communication and let everyone know you don't want any updates on what's going on! It takes self discipline to execute plan B.
If this is what's going on you are NOT in plan B.
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In other words, plan B is about putting your focus back on you. It seems like you'll do just about anything to avoid this. Just as your WH is addicted to his OW, you are addicted to HIM.
All this contact is making it impossible for you to come out of your own fog. You've got to tighten up your plan B. You don't need to know this stuff. It has no relevance AT ALL.
Last edited by zibbles; 07/14/13 11:24 PM.
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