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I have an video of them together that a PI was able to get for me. I am sorry to hear that, but relieved you have rock solid evidence. When you get home, I would launch a serious exposure nuke. You can start putting together an exposure plan right now. Have you read the exposure thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes I have. Not sure how handle his behavior now. Should I wait to talk about it when I get home.
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Yes I have. Not sure how handle his behavior now. Should I wait to talk about it when I get home. I would not say anything until you get home. In the meantime, I would just act natural and then address the affair when you get home.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hi I am home now... He has said he is going out but I know he went to see her. What do I do...?
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Hi I am home now... He has said he is going out but I know he went to see her. What do I do...? Expose now. You have your exposure list? Exposure 101
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I would confront him with the evidence right away. He has to end his affair, and you need to demand he write a no contact letter. See samples in the thread that is linked here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558472Just know that actually leaving his affair partner will be hard, as there is an addiction. If he agrees to end it, put Extraordinary precautions in place. These are conditions for staying in the relationship that will ensure he doesn't cheat again. This thread gives a lot of examples of EP's: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558591&page=1If he is unwilling to leave his affair partner, or if he says he is leaving her and you find out he is going deeper underground with the affair, then you will need to expose the affair to his family and friends, their workplace if they work together, and her family and friends. If his affair partner is married, you will need to expose to her husband. He deserves to know. There is a method for exposure that the readers here will share with you if it becomes necessary, so wait for advice if you need to expose.
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Hi I am home now... He has said he is going out but I know he went to see her. What do I do...? When you get home, I would launch a serious exposure nuke. You can start putting together an exposure plan right now. lizet. Do you need help with the exposure? You need to expose to anyone of influence in both of the waywards life. This includes OW mother and the workplace since they work together. You need to do the exposure all at once before the waywards can start to spin a story to do damage control. Ask for support in recovering your marriage. Expect your WH to be furious. Do NOT engage in his anger. Be cool, calm and in control.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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After exposure, you need to be in Plan A. Stop all love busters and angry outbursts. Paint a beautiful picture with your actions. Make your home a loving place. MB recommends that a woman stay in Plan A for no longer than 3 weeks. Can you do this? The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A
The carrot of Plan A
Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.
Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Install a keylogger on computers and phones. GPS his car.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Let your WH know that you want to have a loving and caring marriage and this is what it will take to keep you interested:
No Contact for LIFE with OW including leaving that job.
complete transparency including passwords to all emails and phones.
No overnights apart.
Commitment to a recovery program (don't mention MB yet as this is your safe place right now).
The first step is EXPOSURE to kill the affair and the fantasy that they are living in.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Help.....! I confronted him he totally denied it. Now I am sleeping in the spare room. He is very polite that is all. Not sure what to do
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oh dear. you need to expose the affair. you have all the evidence you need.
they all lie and now that he knows you know, he's going to get even more secretive. he can also tell his affair partner that you know and they will start spinning you as a crazy, jealous angry wife.
is there a reason why you haven't exposed? it's a lot more empowering than you think.
get to it ASAP.
also, move back to your own bed. if he wants to sleep in the spare room he can. don't let him have the upper hand!! he is a cheater!!
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Okay I confronted him now I am sleeping in the spare room and he is very distant. I only confronted him no one else. What to do now. His mother lives with us but refuses to believe me. They work together also he won't stop seeing her.
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Well I don't know anyone else other than his work friends. I do have her mothers e-mail. Can't think straight not sure what to do. The reason I moved out of the bed is he is a police officer and needs to be alert to stay safe. I am also confused he is willing to go to seek counseling.
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Not sure how you not sleeping in your bed will make him less alert on the job.
He can sleep next to you like he always has.
Stop confronting him about the affair. You did that. He knows you know now. He knows you don't like it. He knows you want him to stop it.
Now, you expose to others and don't tell him you are going to expose it.
Also, study up on Marriage Builder plans to deal with this awful situation and work them.
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Okay I confronted him now I am sleeping in the spare room and he is very distant. I only confronted him no one else. What to do now. His mother lives with us but refuses to believe me. They work together also he won't stop seeing her. Why are you not sleeping in your bed?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Well I don't know anyone else other than his work friends. I do have her mothers e-mail. Can't think straight not sure what to do. The reason I moved out of the bed is he is a police officer and needs to be alert to stay safe. I am also confused he is willing to go to seek counseling. Have you exposed yet?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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no I have not ....afraid to do so.... Don't wan to put another nail on the coffin. Please help need support...!
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help.... need support to expose affair. Very afraid don't want things to get worse. We went to out first counseling today.
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First thing, lizet: take a deep breath and calm down. We are here to support you, and will help you through this. I have seen people post this to you, but haven't seen whether you read it or not. Have you read this thread: Exposure 101
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