Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
IWBH, You're actually on the cusp of the third level of MB questions, which is pretty impressive so early.
Level One (aka: No Idea) - What do I.... ...do about his infidelity? ...tell my parents? ...tell the children?
Level Two (aka: Making the tough decisions) - Can/should I... ...isolate finances? ...change the locks? ...decide to separate/divorce?
Level Three (aka: Imposing YOUR desires) - How can I... ...protect the children? ...ease my life? ...stick it to him? ...best move forward without him?
I really doubt i would be where I am mentally without this board. I've been a lurker since January. I think our/my sessions with Steve are just the added confidence I needed to know this is what I needed to do. My husband was never gonna end this affair the way were doing it (ignoring and occasionally asking nicely). We went on like that for 6 months.
I really hope my marriage can still be saved (ie, he snaps out of the fog and decides to work on it. But honestly either way I could not go on living like this. This isn't the man I married not the man i want to be with right now....I think....lol
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Okay. I feel like I know I need to step of this ledge, and my mind (logic) is rationalizing that you be okay, it is just one step, its what you need to do to stop the pain and protect any love youve got left. BUT my body (feelings) is screaming that this is wrong, that this is a huge leap. He is gonna hate me more than he already does.
I've got the bank accounts. The letter. The IM. Can I really pack up his stuff and change the locks?!
Grrrr. Why does this feel so wrong???!
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Thanks guys! NG, the video was awesome. It's all about perspective, eh?
I will keep you guys updated. I need to write my Plan B addendum tonight. Ya know, details about his stuff and IM contact info.
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
I'm another one to "push" you towards the chocolate and manicures and wonderful nail colors.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Always better to make decision with your head (logic) vs. heart (feelings).
Know why? Feelings change. Daily. Sometimes within the same day you will have "feelings" of wanting divorce....and then an hour later wanting reconciliation.
But the logic doesn't change. Move to your support system. Go to Plan B.
Your WH will move heaven and earth to fix things once the affair is over and he is fog-free. Wait for that guy to show up -- but don't alter your course to assist the foggy one.
Okay. So I think today's the day. Locks are getting done now. I have the day off to pack his stuff. I have the boys tonight. Not sure where/how to give him the letter??? In person, drop off at his work? Have someone else deliver?
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
I had to email my letter and addendum to WS. The only other way would have been to hand deliver it and I did not want to do that.
Good luck with starting Plan B. It is a roller coaster ride, but I trust the vets and know that time will build our strength and make it easier to made decisions based upon logic and reason rather than feelings.
Okay. So I think today's the day. Locks are getting done now. I have the day off to pack his stuff. I have the boys tonight. Not sure where/how to give him the letter??? In person, drop off at his work? Have someone else deliver?
Do whatever is convenient for you and are sure he receives the letter.
Have you changed all contact information? Do you have an IM?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
I haven't changed email or phone number. I can block his email and numbers. He isn't really contacting me now. I do have an IM and a backup IM as well ( in case one flakes).
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
I haven't changed email or phone number. I can block his email and numbers. He isn't really contacting me now. I do have an IM and a backup IM as well ( in case one flakes).
He will most likely try to contact you as soon as he receives your Plan B letter - and not to say nice things.
My initial IM flaked and my back-up for her is out of the country until mid-July. I now have a very "pro-active" IM from this board and she is wonderful!
Please listen to the vets, change ALL of your contact information before giving him the Plan B letter. BTW - one reason to change your contact info is so that you will not be tempted to see if he tried to call you. The first days, maybe even weeks are can be quite lonely when you are dark and you might wonder if he cares enough to even attempt to contact you.
Me, 34 BW (although we made many bad choices that opened my marriage to this) Him, 34 WH Two sons 6 and 3 D-day 12/24/12 and many more in the 6 months after Plan B, 7/10/13
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
FYI...Pay as you go phones are fast and easy. I found an older model iPhone in the house, took it down to AT&T and for $40/mo I have unlimited texting, 500 min talk and I think unlimited data. Plus than can transfer all of your contacts for you.
If you do not have an old phone laying around, you can buy one at any general merchandise store, Craigslist or at the phone stores.
Good. You need to change all contact information, phones, emails. Block him on Facebook (maybe get rid of it for awhile). Every break in Plan B will only hurt your own personal recovery.
Do you have some self care planned?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
