Zibbles, you are right. I didn't even know she had my email, dont' know where she got it from. I will block her. Also will let family know that I only need essential info about the kids.

I applied for more college yesterday! Back to school, back to school....

Good for you.

Are you still in dark Plan B?

Sorry haven't been on for a couple days. Yes I am still in dark plan B. HOWEVER, my WH sent me a dozen roses today with chocolates and a card. How could I prevent that?
I can put the wording of the card on here if you want. Basics are he was really sorry, wished this had never happened, thanked me for all I had done, said he hopes to become as good a father as i am a mother, knows it will be a long road for both of us, he wants to change and do better. He has thought about the past, both good and bad and wants more of the good. Thanked me for my undying love. "The pain that you and the kids are going through because of me is killing me and I don't want it anymore."

Sooooo...What I thought as I read and reread it is that wishing and wanting things to be different is one thing, but actually DOING something about it is another. Flowers and a nice card aren't enough to make up for this obviously. I am still waiting for him to do the things on the list like he is supposed to.

He's having cake eating withdrawals. You saw through it very well.

Has he communicated through your IM that he will meet your conditions for recovery?

He did send an email July 15(to me, apparently gmail won't let you block people) that said he was ready and willing to do the things necessary and that I asked. IM told him to think about it and be very ready, because DD had heard him on the phone just the day before saying he loved her. IM doesn't want another false start. WH has since taken OW out in public to an event sponsored by his supply company. So it's still quite shaky. Not sure what to do. He has a list of things he could DO to prove he is ready, hasn't done those yet.

Well it's his actions you must watch and I'm sorry, but him still being around other woman and not working on his marriage is a huge red flag.

He isn't ready to work on his marriage.

Change your email and do not give it to him. Give your new email to your IM.

Listen to your DD. If she heard her dad tell the OW he loves her that should be a huge red flag for you.

Megz, you can set up a filter on gmail that will let you directly delete, forward or respond any emails from a certain sender.

Thanks, Rocketqueen! That will solve my email problem. It's such a pain to change email addresses

Thanks Brainhurts, true he really isn't ready to work on marriage.

Thanks also Jessica, It has taken me some time to plug the holes, hopefully I've got it done now. Sadly this is the subject everyone wants to talk to me about! That was my own bad wording on the "shaky" thing. Should have said something else. I know its not even shaky, our relationship is nonexistent. I have a very busy month ahead, so I will ignore my marriage mess and concentrate on some other things for a while! Thank goodness!

My WH is doing the things on my reconciliation list. He has been to our bishop, fully confessed, and says the relationship is over (I still have to verify that, not sure how without having someone contact her). There will actually be a church investigation and discipline action for both WH and AP, so I would find out through that if nothing else.

He is writing the no contact letter, although at this point, I kind of feel like that is a weak response, but perhaps it is best.
At this point I still have not had contact with him. There is a school function tonight that he has asked to come to, which I have said he could since he has been to the bishop.

At what point do we re-establish contact? There are a lot of things we need to talk about. Maybe going on a date?
I've been so focused on not having contact with him that I'm not entirely prepared for this.

It should be fashioned after the one in SAA, which is not "weak" but rather pretty straightforward. What does the NC letter say? Can you post it here?

What are the EPs he has agreed to?

How Affairs Should End


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Is all this communication been through your IM?

What are his actions?
What EPs has he put in place?

Sorry I didn't reply faster, long day.

SusieQ, I don't have the letter yet. I can post it when I get it. I meant weak as in he had done 3 fake NC letters before Plan B, so I don't feel real fabulous about NC letters. But it's not the letter's fault haha, it's the execution of the letters.
He knows he has to share passwords and all, spend a lot of time together, can never see/talk with her again.

Brainhurts, thank you for those examples again, i was just looking through SAF again too. Yes, communication has been through IM. He made his own appt with the bishop, went willingly, full confession, is following through with follow-up appts. He also knows church leaders will be contacting her to grill her, and he didn't throw a fit about it. His dad (IM) says his attitude is very changed.

He did ask to come help with cows on Saturday, but I am going to say we need to wait until he has talked with a higher church leader on Sunday, a meeting that is required, it will be much harder and in-depth.

He hasn't put EPs in place yet, I haven't let him move back. I think first step should be sharing passwords, we can do that through the IM. Especially for his phone so I can look at his account and see his calls/texts. Also blocking her and her family/friends #s. And the NC letter. That can all be done before Sunday, then he will see the church leader. When those are done we can start spending time together. Sound good?

Finally got the NC letter. SusieQ asked me to post it so here it is, it's pretty wordy:

"OW,
This is the letter I told you you would probably get. I think everything has been said that needs to be said other than maybe just a couple things again.
You have taught me many things and for that I will always be grateful. You are a very strong person with so much character. I wish you the very best and hope you will always be happy. As you know I have been to the bishop and stake president and am trying to make my life right with the Lord. I know you desire is to do the same and know you and I will both be blessed for doing this. I know Heavenly Father knows who both are and our strengths and weaknesses. He loves all of us and wants us to be happy and find joy in life. After having visited with them I have continued to feel more strongly that what I should and need to do is always be there for my wife and kids. At this point I feel like I'm taking a huge leap of faith and hoping we will all be blessed for hopefully doing what is right/best. I know how much you love your kids and I love mine. I can't look them in the eyes anymore and tell them how much I love them when at least to them I'm not doing all I can to show it to them. I have to do what I think is best for everyone. I hope you know I truly want what's best for you and your kids and for me and mine and (wife).
Just so you know I am giving this letter to her and she will be mailing it to you. I hope you can forgive me for putting you thru this. You deserve the best in life. That is truly my hope for you and your kids.
I need to be able to put my full attention toward (wife) and my kids and ask for your blessing in doing so. Because I know you will even though its hard I want to thank you ahead of time.
In closing I want you to know that I know making it right with the Lord is what is right and best. I hope you and I and our families can find and have the peace and comfort from the Holy Ghost as we all do what needs to be done.
(Wife) is a great person and a wonderful mom who deserve to be happy also. And deserves all the best out of life. I wish you all the best. Keep your chin up and please be safe. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask the same from you.
Sincerely,
WH"

I already crossed out his "I love you" and a bunch of crap like that. I am going to cross out more, like the beginning of the 2nd paragraph, and where he asks her forgiveness.

His NC contact letter is terribly deeply offensive. No way should that letter be mailed!

The following is the letter that should be mailed. If he's not ready to send this one then he's not ready to be returned to the marital home.


The letter Dr. Harley recommends (above) is straight, to the point, and only speaks of the terrible offense he committed against his wife and family. That's the ONLY thing that should be in his NC letter - not all that other babble.

New letter:
OW,
It is out of love and respect for my family that I have come to the conclusion that our relationship has to end. I hope to be able to repair the damage caused and help my family find happiness. I wish the same for you. I will not be contacting you anymore and ask you to respect my decision by doing the same.
Sincerely,
WH