|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
[quote=FooledMeTwice]
She lost all expectations of privacy when she opened your marriage to an interloper.
/quote]
That is true
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
Hello NB28,
I got a message from a moderator, he is giving me a hard time with you email address. He says he will contact me today but has not promised anything. In the meantime, I am anxious to get this plan B working properly. Let us see if he comes back today.
Thanks again
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
An IM does not pass all the information just the pertinent ones regarding children and financial matters for example negotiating who pays a bill etc (not actual bank account details or anything like that).
I have 24 hour access to my emails so if I receive an email from your WW changing visitation time etc I am able to notify you immediately.
There are no instances where you communicate directly with your WW.
When your WW shows in actions that she is willing to adhere to the conditions you set her in the plan B letter for recovery then you consider starting contact but until then she does not get to communicate with you at all. You will have to change your numbers, emails and block any other way she can contact you. She is not a pest, she is starting to understand I do not want to communicate with her. Could we have a second method, like text? or messaging? So shall I ask the moderators and who gives me your email address? Are there links to the moderators here? Thanks a lot!Not really here as an expert but just a suggestion: I don't know how old your children are but do you think you could get an extra phone for your children only? I am on the receiving end of plan B and this is what my BS did. I have access to my children 7 and 9 yrs old using their phone. call and text. It works well for us. Yes, I gave a mobile phone to my D9 for her birthday. We call and text each other all the time
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 147
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 147 |
Hi Peter,
I am NB28 Husband, if you prefer a male IM you can use me as an IM NB28 can help me with the IM training.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
Hi Peter,
I am NB28 Husband, if you prefer a male IM you can use me as an IM NB28 can help me with the IM training. Hello, Thanks a lot for the offer. I prefer a female IM as my wife may trust her a little more. However, the moderator told me they did not like to put in contact members of the opposite sex which I do not understand. He still has not come back to me, so maybe he can give me your email address instead. I am not sure what to do now if the moderator does not come back to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
By the way, Peter, I'm not sure if you saw my posts or not, but I did not see a response. Peter,
Dr. Harley would caution you that Plan B is likely to lead to the permanent end of your marriage. Is that what you want? Are you going to retain custody of your children? For many men, the end of the marriage means that their wife will get custody even if she is having an affair. That may expose the children to some very bad parenting - or serious risks. (Affair partners do not tend to be healthy people to be around children.)
Dr. Harley usually recommends that a man go all out to try to disrupt the affair and win his wife back, if he wants to keep his marriage. Of course, noone will fault you if you don't want to do that, given your wife's infidelity.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
By the way, Peter, I'm not sure if you saw my posts or not, but I did not see a response. Peter,
Dr. Harley would caution you that Plan B is likely to lead to the permanent end of your marriage. Is that what you want? Are you going to retain custody of your children? For many men, the end of the marriage means that their wife will get custody even if she is having an affair. That may expose the children to some very bad parenting - or serious risks. (Affair partners do not tend to be healthy people to be around children.)
Dr. Harley usually recommends that a man go all out to try to disrupt the affair and win his wife back, if he wants to keep his marriage. Of course, noone will fault you if you don't want to do that, given your wife's infidelity. Yes, I saw you posts, thanks. I am going ahead with plan B. I have discussed it with a number of people who have given and received it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
Hello NB28,
I sent you an email to the address that the moderator gave me. I just wanted to check if you received it to make sure that both our addresses are reaching each other.
Thank you
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Hello NB28,
I sent you an email to the address that the moderator gave me. I just wanted to check if you received it to make sure that both our addresses are reaching each other.
Thank you I would really recommend that you communicate with NB's husband and NB can communicate with your WW. So hopefully they can co-IM as a married couple for you.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
Hi Peter message received, for some reason it ended up in my span box. Processing it now.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
brainHurts,
L2G and I will be doing that, I think Peter needs help with MB proofed plan B letter in order for full plan b to go ahead right now there is just too many loose ends and disjointed visitation schedules.
Can you help him with that please?
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
brainHurts,
L2G and I will be doing that, I think Peter needs help with MB proofed plan B letter in order for full plan b to go ahead right now there is just too many loose ends and disjointed visitation schedules.
Can you help him with that please? That sounds good NB28. So he hasn't written a Plan B letter yet? Peter?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155 |
He has written plan B letter but its not MB. I will let the poster explain more.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
He has written plan B letter but its not MB. I will let the poster explain more. Ok. Peter are using these Plan B templates? Plan B Letters-- Samples Post your Plan B letter so we can help.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
He has written plan B letter but its not MB. I will let the poster explain more. Ok. Peter are using these Plan B templates? Plan B Letters-- Samples Post your Plan B letter so we can help. Hello, I have already written and delivered the -love- PBL. MB is talking about the second part which was only about the practical things. A group of people who have sent and received plan B letters helped me prepare the main letter and plan. With the new message giving my wife the IM email address I am filling gaps I had in my plan B approach, as I was exchanging messages directly with her, plus I am clarifying things related to the kids' schedule. In fact I did refer to those PBL templates when I was writing mine.
Last edited by peternoon; 07/26/13 05:06 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
So is your addendum part clear?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
I am working on completing the schedule proposal with my wife.
BTW What is the difference between plan B and plan 180?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
Plan B
You write the MOST beautiful love letter which says how much you love your spouse, how you wish to rebuild the marriage, how you can only do so if it will be a monogamous, passionate, romantic partnership. How the affair is causing you too much suffering to be exposed to and you must have no contact with your spouse while the affair continues in any way.
You give the letter to your spouse when you are prepared to protect yourself (financially, physically with help of intermediaries for emergency info to be passed along)
You go to Plan B when you decide that YOU are worth it to protect and refocus on other aspects in life.
180.....you act indifferent and hope your wayward spouse will chase after you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 50 |
180.....you act indifferent and hope your wayward spouse will chase after you. My wife would never fall for the 'play hard to get' routine
Last edited by peternoon; 07/27/13 11:46 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
180.....you act indifferent and hope your wayward spouse will chase after you. My wife would never fall for the 'play hard to get' routine Exactly. That's why the 180 is not part of MB and we don't recommend it here. MB is Plan A, Plan B and recovery (whether it's your marriage or self recovery).
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
190
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,958
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
