Sounds like she has a high need for affection and you are meeting it well. Typically, but not always, women have a much higher need for physical affection than sexual contact. She doesnt seem willing to give up physical affection which is excellent news for you.

Taking an interest in the details of her day is also affection, so good work.

If I were you I would order the book Surviving an Affair and leave it lying around where she can read it.

I would recommend you give up the internet completely as that seems to be the area where you cannot control yourself. Just like an alcoholic shouldn�t hang out in bars a repeat adulterer shouldn�t hang out in public places where there are people of the opposite sex .

You can do this and don�t need her permission or acceptance to do it.

You build trust by being trustworthy. It�s easy to be trustworthy when you put in precautions like this.

Look, I am a betrayed spouse and I'm trying to get over the resentment of my WW's affair. Here is what you need to do to not only build trust, but also to make up for what you did. My WW currently doesn't get it and I can't even begin to move on because mainly I don't feel she is truly remorseful towards the Affair because she is not taking EP's (extraordinary precautions) to put my mind at ease and therefore is not providing JC (Just compensation).

In my eyes there are 2 forms of Just Compensation (I'm sure your wife feels similar as friends I've spoken to that have gone through this feel the same way I do):

1) She has an affair, sees what its like, sees what a relationship with someone else is like and then decides if she loves you or the person she has built the relationship with (Obviously not the best choice to save a marriage and I am not recommending this because this isn't even what I want in my situation, I want a happy marriage prob like your BW)

2) You completely do everything possible to make up for the pain you've put her through. You have to be completely transparent even if it takes extraordinary measures to do so (like a keylogger on the computer or getting rid of internet all together or not having a cell phone when she is not around - basically whatever it takes)

3) You have to make amends for the hurt (this means completely building her up in every way, always do things to make her feel better about herself, make it seem like you are the luckiest man in the world to have her, she is filled with insecurity over the Affair) and you have to accept any consequences she offers up regardless of what they are (IDK if the Harley's agree with this or not but every person is different so you may not like what she offers up but hey, you broke the trust, you broke the commitment and made her look like a fool and you must make up for it even if you look like a fool at some point).

4) Exposure - I read your response to exposure and let me explain something to you because I feel the shame, embarrassment, weakness you speak of but let me explain why I feel it. I feel like everyone knows or is going to find out and they will look down on me for staying with WW and see me as weak but only because I know she has not made up for the Affair. If my WW went out and told everyone, took full responsibility, built me up and put me up on a pedastal and made me seem like the greatest person on earth for giving her another chance and that she was so luck to be given another chance even if she's not worthy and saying she's not worthy of the 2nd chance then I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be embarrassed anymore. She would put the blame on herself and she would make sure everyone knew she was sorry and that she thought I was the greatest person in the world and that I wasn't begging her to stay. She might feel bad or make herself look bad but it was totally her choice and her actions that caused this and I feel that these actions are truly totally owning it.

Anyways, sorry so long but this is a sensitive issue and I hope you got some insight in the feelings your BW is dealing with and why certain measures are necessary.

Dr Harley on the dangers of letting solo internet surfing replace UA time:

Well, yeah....you're intentionally omitting the fact that your lack of time together has set the stage for your infidelity. Given that fact, does the incentive to find more time - SOMEWHERE IN 168 HOURS PER WEEK - become more acute?

- Get up and prepare breakfast for her and enjoy it together before the kids arise.
- Once a week meet her for lunch.
- Hire a sitter for eight Saturday hours and: go for a drive; visit a museum; walk in a park; take a cooking class; watch a minor-league baseball game.....

Dude, it ain't that hard once the necessity is accepted.

But do keep in mind that even without your wife's willingness to set aside time right now, your gestures in passing are having an effect.

The fact that she is still physically affectionate is quite promising. So many people in her situtaion are not. There are many who have brought their spouse back from the brink of absolute coldness and dislike. There is no reason you cannot do the same from a better starting point.

If you can make her feel more reassured by eliminating internet contact with other women, I feel certain you could make further headway with UA time. Right now she doesn't think recovery from an affair is possible, but it is and you can gradually show her that.