Thanks for posting that. I can just copy that and give it to him. now is I have made bad mistakes in our marriage as well and contributed to its decline (just so we are clear here this is not me condoning what he's done or justifying it by any means) but because of my actions and not fulfilling his need to be listened to (for many years) he is not 100% on board...and until he gets 100% on board...I can't be either. what can I do to help him understand this is me changing too..and not putting the blame fully on him? I just need to get across to him that the things I'm asking for are non - negotiable. But I need to do it in a loving supportive way. its not easy for me to be that way right now though because of how badly he hurt me...is there a letter that could get this point across?

Cherry, my understanding is that there are different strains of Herpes. I am very alarmed that your doctor is dismissing this. My GYN immediately ran tests to exclude disease after I told him about my H's affair. Your doctor needs to run those tests.

Just an update: This morning I went to the doctor and he prescribed me Prozac I took my first pill this morning and let me tell you this is the first time in a long time I felt like me My anxiety and depression are all but gone and even things that usually trigger me did not . I hope this just wasn't a really great day but I can't remember the last time I felt this good. Hopefully now I will be able to think much more clearly and have less emotional and angry outbursts.

Most SSRI ADs need 3+ weeks to reach full efficacy. Also, make sure that if/when you decide to stop using it that you consult your physician and do so under the right direction (dose taper, every other day dose taper etc).

Prozac is also well noted for decreasing anxiety for some, as well as improving sleep; both nice benefits.

In the meantime; enjoy your improved mood!

Does anyone think it is a good idea for me to keep a journal of how I'm feeling?

Some of my test results came back so case but not all.The ones that have come back so far are normal of negative. I just did my woodwork this morning. they are screening for AIDS/HIV, herpes, thyroid, and cholesterol. I think something else too. fingers crossed.

Does that help you?

Good luck on the tests?

Personal experience here ... I always found it to be a bad idea. It serves as an anchor that keeps you grounded in the bad feelings of the moment -- you read your entry a few months down the road, and it triggers all the bad feelings and they come back with a vengeance. Why create triggers for yourself?

I found that if I needed to write, I would do so, but I would destroy what I had written a few days later to prevent the horrible triggers that could come later on down the road.

Again, personal experience.

That does make sense...for years I have kept a diary. I had hoped that one day my kids would read it. But you are right...some of those pages are dark and sad. The sad ones far out-weigh the happy ones. It is kinda painful to go back and read those entries.

I think I will keep a log of my overall mood and contributing factors to my mood while I am taking the anti-depressant. I would like to see how it changes and what during my day influences it.

All my bloodwork came back negative. I'm perfectly healthy in every way.

Thats great the tests have come back negative.

It's a good idea to write down your feelings, this allows you to acknowledge your feelings and set aside time for you to "feel" without consuming all your time. With regard to the journal it's what works for you, journal or paper that you can destroy when your finished.

I would recommend to follow-up with another panel of STD tests specifically for HIV, HSV1/HSV1 (IgG/IgM). It make time 6-8 weeks for seroconversion (for it to be detected via antibodies. My wife has been tested at 30, 60 and our final at 180 days.

It's not overkill, it's usually SOP when exposed to potential viral transmission in a hospital environment.

Things have been going so well....and now I feel like he's reversing...
I'm so discouraged....

What's going on?

Cherry, please remember that this isn't a phone conversation. We can't respond to you in real time. You need to actually tell us what's going on, please.

Well he had deleted his Facebook, was allowing monitoring, stopped contact with ow and has agreed to read surviving an affair and speak to Dr. Harley. we went on a marriage retreat (free from the army) and things were starting to look up. Today he started a new Facebook and tried to add me and I was like wtf ?

Also his therapist advised him to try and find out from the ow why she felt she could come on to him. told him to find out what behaviors he was exhibiting to make her believe that. ???? Also how he broke this news to me...was to tell me I was basically gonna let you know I wasn't asking permission.

IC that isn't marriage builders is a disaster and if your military it's even worse. These hack job "therapists" get a lot of money from Tricare for a little effort. I suggest you call the Harley's for marriage counseling. Any other counselor is going to explore childhood traumas that absolve the WS from responsibility of their affair. WS ends up using that instance as a crutch and recovery is impossible. They also encourage IB which is a huge Love buster.

Edit: my WW IC focused on her dad abandoning her so she used that as a crutch. He also said that I was emotionally abusive to her and that I was dangerous. She of course told him about POSOM and he glossed over that. When the source of our marital woes was her affair. Wish I could get my money back...

So his counselor told him to contact the OW?? Did he?

What snooping devices do you have installed? Sounds like there's been contact.

Did he ever write the NC letter?

ok here is an update unfortunately my husband and I will most likely be getting a divorce. the mental abuse has become too much.even through counseling he has lied to me. but the other day he did something that I consider to be extremely unforgivable. I am already struggling with depression and anxiety following his affair and on top of not being supportive of the fact that he was the cause of them, he has made little effort to make me feel better. or even make me feel like things are going in a better direction now.

the other day we were fighting and I asked him why the physical part of our relationship has not been progressing as needed for me to get over that portion of it. during this discussion it turned into a fight and he got mad and came towards me. He grabbed the fat on the front of my stomach which is not much, and yelled this is why I find this f***ing disgusting. I was appalled and my reaction was just to stand there in shock as the one I love attacks me further in my self esteem. I feel destroyed and I told him well God forbid I have your children cuz my body will change more. I now can no longer see a life with him...I can no longer see a future. the damage that he has done to my self esteem as well our marriage has become too much for me to ignore.

I am scared though because I don't know how to leave. I am the kind of person who would love to be amicable about this however I know that is not possible with him. I'm not afraid of him hitting me or anything of the sort but I am afraid that mentally he will distract me and try to get me to stay like he has so many times. I am afraid for him to turn it around on me like he has done. does anyone have any good advice to offer me in this area?

Cherry,

Dr. Harley would encourage you to separate immediately.
You were told to separate nearly a year ago on this thread.

This is what I suggest: have a friend or sister come to the home and help you pack while he is at work. If he comes home and interfers call the Police and they will keep everything orderly.