First off when you find out something new, do not confront him. Come here to the board and post and ask for direction.

Calm down. Have you talked to him since?

No I have not. I feel so stupid for believing he was not talking to her, but he removed her number from the block list.
I don't know what to do, what to say. I feel like crap. MIL spoke with me today, she said he told her that he is not with anybody and just wants to get back on his feet. He said he does not want to talk about us, our relationship, does not believe in God. He also posted a suicidal post on FB according to his cousin.
How wrongly did I handle it.
Obviously more of my LB's. That's the reason I do not want access to anything of his.
I feel very lost and physically ill.
Next time

I certainly hope his cousin called 911, yes? Surely he would do so if he was honestly concerned about his cousin's life, right?

Well, he wrote it the day he was fired. I found out today. I really see what y'all mean about "let the consequences fall where they may for the adulterer".

You should enter plan B ASAP.
Do you have an IM picked out?

Are you making your preparations for Plan B?

The radio show repeats continuously until the next new show, so it is easy to fit it into your day. I listen to it in the car while driving.

Do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever buy into this line of thinking.

People with principals who have troubled marriages work on their marriage, they don't have affairs.

I know how painful this is for you..first hand. I had a dream last night that my FWW broke NC and I lived those emotions in my dreams. Woke up horrified. It has been over 2 years since my dday.

An A is an addiction. That is why Dr. Harley's plan is set up the way it is. It treats is like an drug or alcohol addiction. People will give up everything in life to get their fix.

If he is speaking to her, this as painful as it is, should not be a surprise...unfortunately. Neither of you have learned to protect the others feelings with your choices.

If it were me, I would tell him that I love him and you want to find a way to work out your M in a way that you are both very happy and have all your EN's filled BUT he needs to realize that this experience is the most painful thing you have ever gone through. You will NOT speak with him until he writes a NC letter to her.

This experience is going to be very painful however it goes. R is extremely difficult and so is D. That is why A is such a bad idea. Any path you chose is going to be very hard. Both you and he's best chance at happiness is with each other.

My FWW lied to me numerous times after dday and we are now on our way to full recovery. You have to take calculated steps now. No LB's. You can only control your actions. But, you can most certainly share your thoughts on things with him!

Since he isn't in the house your options are more limited. Do you know for sure he is speaking to her? can you get solid evidence?

BH and JK, I will start making Plan B. I was reading other threads on letters etc. So I will start.

MrE, will do. Usually have my son with me and I don't want to break down in front of him.

HHH, will work on my thoughts. Some days I am very angry and blame it all on him, others I feel very guilty.

20YH, it is very painful to find all of that out.
I already offered him my willingness to try and repair M, he said no never again. As far as no contact, he does not want contact from me unless it is money or DS5. I do not want to approach him for fear of driving him farther, especially since I am still having LB problems.
Definitely will come here before replying to him.
I don't know how else to get evidence. Any ideas? I have her number, that is it. Been looking for her email but nowhere to be found.

I have been reading older threads regarding Plan A and Plan B. What they are and how to do them. So far my Plan A has been horrible. Plan A is recommended up to 3 months for women?
It is not me pleading begging or trying to get him away from OW, its me showing him what he will lose if he chooses her. My LBs have been in the way and did all of it wrong.

So you don't know for sure if he is in contact?

Why don't you write Dr Harley a question on the radio program? See what he recommends.

Do you know what Plan B is? Have you educated yourself on it yet before saying that is what you want to do? Your call but I think you are too premature to put energy into this. Dr. Harley recommends a stellar Plan A for a BW for 3 weeks. You have not done this. Get your LB's under control. Why should he consider coming back into the same old M?

So you did some things wrong. So be it. That was yesterday. Put that in the past! I would guess you also did some things right too.

Start fresh today doing a better job getting these things under control. MB is about change. What are you going to do to change yourself?

That is all you can control. That is what is going to lure him back. You have to get control of your emotions right now. They will lead you astray.

Use your HEAD and your logic. Your emotions are going to change every 5 minutes. Use your head. Slow down..relax.

20YH, definitely not sure. And I do not know how to make sure. I found the Q&A articles regarding the Lovers perspective, and want to send it to OW. Should I?

I wrote to Dr.H, but have not gotten anything back. If I try again, what should I write?

I really, truly believe Plan B is not right at the moment. He maybe somebody else at the moment because of A. But we were making progress together with my Plan A before he was fired, lost all his income, lost the vehicle. He has never been fired or been without work since he was 11, it means everything to him to provide for us. Today is a new day, and I will think before speaking, texting with him so that I do not commit any LBs. He is still seeing me the same way, so I am still doing some things wrong.

20YH, today I am going to write out a list of personal changes and goals i will set for myself to accomplish. And I will try my best to keep my emotions in check, they tend to get out of hand.
We texted this morning, normal how are you, how was first day of work. I asked if he wanted to have lunch later this week with our DS5 and I, he said yes. He wants us to to go together on first day of school for our sons first year of Kindergarten. We lol'ed a lot and I kept the convo light.
I think I finally did good .
SAA is still not here, so reading other books such as HNHN.

Dr Harley would probably not advise you to plan A for 3 months.
Typically he recommends women Plan A for a couple weeks and then go into Plan B.
The reason is that most women will start developing various types of mental and physical problems in Plan A.

In your case, since your husband is in an active affair and has abandoned his family and refuses to speak with you Dr Harley would recommend you just enter Plan B.
You should contact the welfare department and an attorney for help.
You should prepare a Plan B letter (just copy the one on the Plan B thread) and find an IM for child exchanges.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
My (ex) wife basically left my kids and I for her affair partner.
When you are faced with this you need to focus on your kid and yourself.

JK, he has not abandoned us. He gave me all the money we had left, I kicked him out, I exposed to his job and he was fired.

He had DS5 the whole weekend, so he is involved with DS5.

We just spoke this morning, if you read above, and had a decent convo.

He may be in active affair, but I thought that was the purpose for Plan A, to not force or coerce, as I have done in the past. I thought it was to put myself in a good place, show him that I have made my mistakes but that I am willing to work on them?

So as I continue to replay DDay and the two other serious convos we have had since then I realized that WH also expressed the ILYBNILWY and has repeated that he wanted to leave for a few months but did not know how. Obviously, his wanting to leave were from my LB's.
Is this all normal?
Will a well executed Plan A give way to better memories? And I guess hope?
Also, other threads recommend not separating during Plan A, which I can't change now. But how can I do well executed Plan A while separated? Even when we text, I draw blanks on what to talk about...
Will once weekly meetings work?
Sorry, I'm still trying to learn.

I suggest you email Dr Harley.
I do not think you should plan A at this point.

Men typically come back hat in hand asking for forgiveness.
Yours is nowhere near that point.

People say ILYBNILWY (I hope I got those initials right) when they are in an affair.
Your LB didn't cause the affair.
His poor boundaries did. He chose to have an affair.