I have been in therapy even before D-day, his gaslighting was making me ill. I do not speak to anyone in his family at all. Stopped reaching out to MIL because she would tell me things.

This affair is not going to end, it has been going on for over three years. I know from this board those affairs rarely end.

Emotions get the best of us and this has been the hardest thing I have been through. I even say harder than my mom passing away, atleast that is true closure.

When/how did you learn to know the future with such certainty?

I just remember seeing Dr. Harley saying if an affair does not die in two years it is a lost cause.

I want the affair to die so my children do not have to meet her, which they will after the divorce is final.

Mason, he said the MARRIAGE is a lost cause. He didn't mean the affair. An affair that has gone on for 3 years certainly can collapse.

Let's hope so for my children's sake.
Thank you for clarifying.

What I love most about Plan B is reality is starting to be clearer. When one takes the blame for so long and they begin to believe the lies it can throw you into an altered reality.

Life doesn't work like the waywards think it works. More often than not the wayward's emotional and behavioral age is that of a petulant adolescent. It becomes clear after time that as a thirty or forty or fifty something adult ... dealing with this grown petulant person is simply too exhausting.

I am still pinching myself today because I can't believe how great my life is turning. I lost everything with my WxH's adultery, divorce, and abandonment, so I know what if feels like to have nothing left.

Life is building itself better ... hard work ... time ... and a sense of honest reality makes for a pretty good combination.

It is difficult to watch them spiral out of control and turn into something that is far from what you know they can be ... but in the end it is their choice.

Like you I gave my WxH an open door all the way up to the divorce. He even called me four days after our divorce. I handed him the list of EP's, but he didn't take hold. He didn't want to give up whore. She still had that strong of a hold on him.

It is okay ... dating is okay ... life is okay.

Plan B for me is this sanctity away from crazy world. Now I couldn't imagine ever bringing my kids and I back into that world. It is truly frightening in there!!!

How's it going? Did you ever talk to your sister about being your IM?

An update:
Mediation this past Friday, what makes me mad is that as far as judges go...they do not care about the affair, it is all about what each of us is willing to give up and then meet in the middle. No one cares how we got here and all of the pain and suffering. It makes me sick.
We were in separate rooms whic was good, but I hate that I still have some sort of feelings for him. When will that end?

As I think back I never should have read his letter, he just justified everything and saying he was unhappy for a long time. Makes me sad for me and my little ones.

Divorce sucks!
Plan B is still in place.

Stay strong mason. The hardest thing in life is to make the decision that you WILL NOT continue the fight. The committment to be "all-in" or "all-out" is a tough one, maybe the hardest for people in our shoes. The real you is still in there. The happy, healthy you will be back with the help of plan B.

I loved your comment about being a poster child for how not to plan B. We are all that poster person for how not to do some things in this process. Mine was how not to expose. We all struggle with the final decision though and some will second guess that decision for a long time. You however, should not second guess yours and stay focused on moving forward.

You really are "almost there". They say that it is darkest before the dawn so you should soon be able to see the daylight.

Thank you, it takes me a few days to rcover after mediation. Anger is a pwerful emotion. Next session is June 11th.
If Child support pans out we should be done!

I think you are right, letting go of the fight and letting go of the hope of keeping your family together is hard. He has moved on....I need to as well.

Update:

Everything was finalized last month. I was numb in the court room. He gave me everything I wanted except our family in the end. I am working on becoming independent and to stop thinking about if things could have been different.

My boys met the OW about a week ago. Came out very innocently in the car. She is just known as "daddy's friend" I felt sick.
They all went to a family party together. Just seems like they get to be happy and are thrilled that I am out of the way. They are validated and it makes me sick still.

I cried for a bit but dusted myself off and know I will have a better life. I guess it us just the sting that the woman that broke up my family has the priveledge of being near my boys.
How is that justified.

I know how rough this is. It was the hardest part for me, knowing the OW was around my son. Did you expose to your sons?

My ds was a bit older (9 at D-day) and he told his dad he didn't want to be around the OW. So for over 2 years my ds did not have to see her at all. Recently, 4 years after D-Day my Wxh and the OW broke up.

They have only met her once. I asked. Let it be someone else in their lives instead of the OW that broke up our family. I did not expose to them. My 7 year old was having anger issues and is finally understanding the Mommy and Daddy our divorced.

I can only wish they would break up.

Looking back I am in a much better place but these feelings perk up from time to time.

I was the same way...please let it be anyone except her.

I would like to have your last tag line added to mine. I would love to remarry a wonderful man. I have dated a bit but nothing really clicked. I decided to take a break because emotionally I am not ready.

and yes...Anyone but her.

I think a break is good....your divorce was just now final right? Mine was final for 9 months when I met my current dh....we were married 11 weeks later. I did date someone immediately after my divorce which was a big mistake huge disastor type situation...by the time I met my dh though I was ready to make a good decision.

There are good men out there. (((Mason))) Don't give up.

Yes, my divorce was just final last month. I went on a few bad dates. It was too soon. I am learning to be happy by myself before I can be happy with someone.
I still get angry, but much less now. Everyone said this is a process that you have to go through. I am just happy I am heading around the pass.
Thanks for answering!

You should expose to your children so they know why you are divorced.

I agree.

They should be told the truth.

They will know when she becomes more of a fixture in their lives. To be honest, after four years of hell as I am now referring to the "dark ages", I need a break from talking about it. They will know. I did not go through all this to protect him. In good time.

I feel so sad when I see new posters, it is such a long road, one that I never want to go down again.

I finally feel hopeful and more happier than sad. I still have my moments but I am no longer debilitated.