Thanks guys.
I never knew facebook did this. You learn something new every day

You are very welcome, my good friend! We are here for you and will support you.

Yes we are.

And your H will be
pissed the freakin' lot and scary when you expose.

Do it anyway and take deep breaths as you hang on and deal with the man having his truth told to critical people around him.

You H has lived a life where he creates devastation by his choices. You don't have to participate in that.

Your child needing to be close to you to deal with the mess H made is normal for a child to do in the situation. Hold the children extra close for now.

Protect your finances.

Be a force to be reckoned with as you take charge of the situation and stand up for yourself and your family.

Note: study the Basic Concepts on this website and do not love bust. Be firm about your stand on adultery but do not love bust.

I have just done the full exposure, emailing her family, friends etc, his work friends.
I feel sick to my stomach doing it - it's so counterintuitive for me. I feel like I'm hounding this woman. I really feel horrible at the moment about myself. Whats done is done though and I have now written my plan b letter.
I will give it to hubby in a couple of days. I guess now I just have to wait for the s@@@storm Bleugh

Plan B letter below

Dear B

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I want to start by telling you that I love you. I have loved you from the start and love you exactly as I did when we married. I am honestly sorry in creating an environment in which you felt having an affair was the only option. I regret deeply my part in this. I understand now that my actions had you feeling that you had no choices in your life and you needed more me time. My desperate need for us to have more us time only succeeded in having the opposite effect to my intention I never meant to hurt you but I know I made it difficult for you to really talk to me therefore your emotional needs were un met. I don't want our marriage to end we had some wonderful times together and a lot of fun. You were my best friend and I would like to have the chance to prove that I can be your best friend again. I want to do what ever I can to put our lives and marriage back together. I want to do this in a way which will be more honest and beneficial to both of us I want us to grow old together and to be a family again. I believe that this is possible and am willing to truly listen to you. The last few months have been the most emotionally traumatic time I have to go through, the pain I am feeling from your affair is unendurable. I feel I have found a strength I didn't know I could ever posses and feel proud of myself on how I am providing a safe and loving environment for the children. However every day is a continuing and painful struggle. I feel being in contact with you whilst you are still continuing your affair is an impossibility. I hope you respect that I can not contact you or speak with you until you are no longer involved with someone else. Any matters regarding the children can be conducted via e mail or text, I will drop them off and wait in the car. You can see them when ever you want but unfortunately not in their house. I will try and minimize the impact of this decision on the children it is about me not them. They will still be able to call you when they want. I want them to have a great relationship with you. I just can not have any contact with you at all except about the kids or in a emergency I am needing this time to heal and put my self back together. Please respect that I will only reply to messages about the children. I hope you understand it is because of how difficult I am finding seeing you at the moment. This decision is for my healing and not as a punishment to you. I know that we are going through divorce it is not something I want but I feel I have no choice it is not because I don't love you or because I want to end our marriage but because I need to protect my self and the kids. Even if our divorce goes through, the door will still be open for you however I can not keep it open forever. It is up to you if you decide to step through and give us a chance at a healthier more honest and stronger marriage and family. If and when you decide to make a step it will be to someone who can forgive and put the past behind them. Although it must be done alone I can not be committed to you whilst you are still having an affair. Once you have finished and cut all contact from OW please note I will be there to listen with a view to re building our friendship and marriage.

I love you as always, I walk forward in life I want you to walk with me holding my hand as I always held yours. Jo

Jo, who is your IM? You've got a gaping hole in this letter - you're allowing him to contact you about the children. You need to be totally dark when you're in Plan B. Any contact from him needs to be filtered by your IM.

Jo, congrats on doing your exposure!! Bravo to you! Did you also send an exposure letter to their workplace? If not, I would get that done NOW so you get this all done at the same time.

And secondly, can you please break that letter up into paragraphs so folks can read it? I can't read that..

Thanks. And once again, congrats on your exposure!! Just expect your h to be furious and be prepared. Just say "I am so sorry you are upset but I felt everyone should know all about your affair. I won't hide it for you anymore."

You have done nothing to feel horrible about, so you need to get over misguided feeling right now! The ones who should feel horrible are those who lied and committed adultery, breaking up a family. Exposing their filthy deeds is nothing to feel bad about. All you are doing is shining the light of truth on their filthy behavior. Nothing wrong with that!

I still feel terrible. I am utterly petrified at what I have done - I was as nice as I could possibly be about it but I still feel awful.

I have no one that will IM for me. I will refuse to take his calls, only reply to stuff that has to do with the kids schedules and ignore the rest. I have no other option.

Letter with paragraphs below

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I want to start by telling you that I love you. I have loved you from the start and love you exactly as I did when we married. I am honestly sorry in creating an environment in which you felt having an affair was the only option.

I regret deeply my part in this. I understand now that my actions had you feeling that you had no choices in your life and you needed more me time. My desperate need for us to have more us time only succeeded in having the opposite effect to my intention I never meant to hurt you but I know I made it difficult for you to really talk to me therefore your emotional needs were un met.

I don't want our marriage to end we had some wonderful times together and a lot of fun. You were my best friend and I would like to have the chance to prove that I can be your best friend again. I want to do what ever I can to put our lives and marriage back together. I want to do this in a way which will be more honest and beneficial to both of us I want us to grow old together and to be a family again.

I believe that this is possible and am willing to truly listen to you. The last few months have been the most emotionally traumatic time I have to go through, the pain I am feeling from your affair is unendurable. I feel I have found a strength I didn't know I could ever posses and feel proud of myself on how I am providing a safe and loving environment for the children. However every day is a continuing and painful struggle.

I feel being in contact with you whilst you are still continuing your affair is an impossibility. I hope you respect that I can not contact you or speak with you until you are no longer involved with someone else. Any matters regarding the children can be conducted via e mail or text, I will drop them off and wait in the car. You can see them when ever you want but unfortunately not in their house.

I will try and minimize the impact of this decision on the children it is about me not them. They will still be able to call you when they want. I want them to have a great relationship with you. I just can not have any contact with you at all except about the kids or in a emergency I am needing this time to heal and put my self back together. Please respect that I will only reply to messages about the children.

I hope you understand it is because of how difficult I am finding seeing you at the moment. This decision is for my healing and not as a punishment to you. I know that we are going through divorce it is not something I want but I feel I have no choice it is not because I don't love you or because I want to end our marriage but because I need to protect my self and the kids.

Even if our divorce goes through, the door will still be open for you however I can not keep it open forever. It is up to you if you decide to step through and give us a chance at a healthier more honest and stronger marriage and family. If and when you decide to make a step it will be to someone who can forgive and put the past behind them. Although it must be done alone I can not be committed to you whilst you are still having an affair. Once you have finished and cut all contact from OW please note I will be there to listen with a view to re building our friendship and marriage.

I love you as always, I walk forward in life I want you to walk with me holding my hand as I always held yours. Jo

Another question - At what point, if ever, do I contact ow?
When exactly should I email the plan b letter? Actually I'll write it out and put it through his post box

jostar, you really must find a way to cut off all contact or it will be a waste of time. If he is allowed to send you any emails, it defeats the entire purpose. He will drive you insane if he is allowed to get through. This continual contact will drive you crazy while allowing him to get his fix. You will inadvertently be propping up his affair.

As long as you are still in his life, you will remain a point of focus for your WS and his OW. As long as they have you around to demonize, they don't have to focus on the inherent problems in their affair. When you remove yourself, their affair will start crumbling.

So start thinking about some non-relative you can ask. What about someone at church? It is really a very easy job if done right.

Ok I will try and find a friend to do it. The main problem I'm facing is that my friends are all his friends and don't want to get in the middle. I really don't know who to ask

Think of someone who is not his friend. This does not have to be someone who lives in your area. All communication can be handled via email. So even a close friend who moved away will suffice. Do you have a sister or brother would agree to remain neutral who would help you?

Do all of your mutual "friends" support his affair? Is there no one who is supporting you?

This won't work, Jo. First of all, any contact with him will set you back in your healing from the damage of his affair. Just SEEING that there is a text or email from him will set you back. The whole point of Plan B is to protect you emotionally from the craziness of a wayward's fog.

Second: regardless of your initial determined commitment to not respond to his texts or emails unless they're about the children, you will find yourself drawn into responding to lengthy diatribes from him, justifying his affair. (He's doing this to make himself feel better while he's getting his fix of YOU, so he can ignore you later.) You need to remove yourself from that circus.

Remember - Plan B is for YOUR benefit. It is to keep you emotionally safe while your WH is in this addiction.

How many people have you asked to IM for you? Have you NO supportive friends?? You have NO ONE who is willing to help you remain safe??

They all seem to be of the same opinion. He is wrong to have done what he has done but he is their friend/family. They all seem willing to be introduced to OW and will treat her nicely as hubbys new partner.
I don't think any of them view it as infidelity, just hubby falling out of love with me and into love with someone else.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be hearing "Just get over him and move on" sometime soon. Hubby is doing everything he can to replace me completely with her. Him (and therefore her) have already been invited to family events which I have not been as they think it will be awkward. I'm in a deeply depressing situation. I feel like not only have I lost the love of my life but also the kids (on weekends) and his family who I love as much as my own. I feel like I almost don't exist any more. He seems to be trying extremely hard to replace me with ow. She seems very reluctant about it all.

Girl, don't you DARE feel terrible! Good for you for refusing to hide this disgusting affair! I understand your feeling of being petrified, because you don't understand yet the strength of exposure. That's okay. You may get some negative responses from OW's friends on FB - that's okay. They aren't in the business of saving marriages. Ignore those.

You need to feel your POWER. You are his WIFE, for crying out loud!! You have a RIGHT to be enraged at this tramp!! She should be petrified at the thought of YOU! That skank! I'm pissed on your behalf!

You have delivered the bomb. Well done, madam.

How many have you asked to help you save your marriage?

Are ALL of your friends moral retards? Or has he been allowed to spin the story? How do you explain that ALL of the people in your lives are so morally impaired?

Was this a matter of your husband painting a story to them so they don't really understand what happened?

Really? Really? I just find this shocking. They ALL condone adultery? NONE of these people care about your husband or you? NONE of them? What if he were a serial killer or a heroin addict? Would they still enable him?