Denied the truth your 7 yo was left without the info to properly place the responsibility for his families break up. Quite often the kids place the burden of blame on themselves.

The time to tell them was when you first found out. Half muled exposure is never effective. There is no reason to delay. Tell the kids that Daddys GF was the reason.

Kids, dad has a GF. When mom's and dad's get married they do not have GF/BF's and go out on dates with them.

Dad had what is known as an affair with this GF. Dad left us to be with this GF.

I agree. If you had found out today I would DEFINITELY say tell them now. But really tell them now even though you have delayed. Because if you don't your children will develope a relationship with this OW and THEN when you tell them they will feel torn and confused.

Do it matter of fact and keep the venom out of your tone.

Mason,
I feel for you and your children. My parents were married for 14 years, 10 of which my father was having an affair with the woman he's been married to now for almost 20 years. I am the oldest of three - my sister is 2 years younger than me, my brother 7 years younger so he was only 3 when they divorced. My half sister is the exact same age as my sister.

My mother never hid the affair from us. I cannot recall a time in my younger years where I didn't know that the reason Dad wasn't with us was because he was with his other family. My sister also was aware, my brother had no idea until he was much older. I am not sure what it means that I grew up to marry and divorce after infidelity, and that I honestly do not know what a healthy relationship looks or feels like. I haven't had any contact with my father in about 10-15 years. His wife told my mother one day in court that she would not stop until he didn't give a s*$& about us, and she succeeded.

I recall a day after the divorce when my dad took us 3 kids out for the weekend. Suddenly, the OW was there too. I panicked at the site of her - I was the oldest and I knew the pain this woman had caused my mother, and that she was the reason our family fell apart, and I was unbelievably angry with my father for expecting us to like her, let alone spend 5 minutes with her. I needed to protect my sister and brother from her. I called my mother in hysterics - to me it was like coming face to face with the devil herself.

This sort of thing stays with kids. Plenty of memories have come and gone; memories like that day 20 something years ago are as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.

I'm glad I knew of the affair because I would have been very upset to establish a relationship with her as a child only to grow up and learn the truth. It did make me grow up much faster than most kids do.

Good luck and God bless.

Thanks, you are right, they need to know why we are divorced.
I need to control how that is told.

Would something like this acceptable:

You know when you met OW a few weeks ago, she is daddy's gf and she is the reason daddy left us. Whem Mommy's and Daddy's are married you do not have gf.

Your response is good.

When mom's and dad's get married they do not have GF/BF's and go out on dates with them.

To do so is known as an affair.

Dad had what is known as an affair with this GF. Dad left us to be with this GF.

ok, it is done, feel better. Lies are over. They said I thought she was Daddy's work friend. I explained the best I could that I did everything I could but Daddy wanted to be with OW, I also said that OW is not our family. Went ok, although a bit over their heads. Not sure if they will see her this weekend but atleast they have the truth. God help me!

Feel good!

Good job mason. Do you see how confused they were about OW? The truth will set you free.

That is good.

Vague.

Can you tell us how you broke the news to the kids.

Repeating the same message over and over will allow them to heal better. My kids are very young, and after a year of repeated truth telling... they get it. The real reason their dad is gone.

that is pretty much what I said to them. It was a quick conversation, but if they see her this weekend, at least my 7 yo will know who she is. Then we made popcorn,
I just want happy and well adjusted kids. I did not want this life for them and I hung in there for a long time. Too long.

If you're a healthy adjusted mother your kids will see that and learn from that.

Good job. Heads up, if they tell your xh what you said he will be enraged. Mine was furious...he kept telling me for an entire year that our divorce wasn't caused by the ow. Ha. Whatever.

Your kids are pretty young....even my 9 year old, who KNEW what adultery was clarified with me a few days after exposure that his dad and ow had sex. So prepare for questions as time goes on.

But good job. Truth is always best.

God already helped you, mason, by giving you the knowledge to tell them the truth. Well done, being honest with your kids. It will help them to know the truth.

Thanks for the support. Luckily POSOW was not in the picture this weekend. I am taking my boys to the beach for a few day. Good for me!

POSOW was in the picture and I guess will be from now on. Told WXH that with sports starting soon, that he can take my son on his wknds and I will take him on mine. I do not want to see him or POSOW at the games. Hope he follows my request.

I do not want to hurt my son by not having his Dad there but I do not need him to parade the woman that broke up my family in front of me.

So the boys have to be around her? Good for staying dark. You will heal.