We have been separated since April of 2013! The reason we separated he said is because I lied to him and he can't trust me again. I wasn't truthful about all of my last because it was so bad and I was scared to tell him. Then when I did tell him he got furious and then got over it again. We have been off and on since April as far as getting along. I don't live there with him. Actually I live three and half hours away now. But before I moved out he was looking at personal ads on Craigslist. Said it was just to make me mad because me and my ex get along because kids. He is very jealous of me ex but I love him so much and would never want to be with my ex. He told me I couldn't ever talk to his kids a week ago and we have a very strong bond. They think of me as there mom. And he hates my guts then he lets me talk to them. But I haven't talked to him in a week. He won't call text or anything. 3 days before that he said he loved me and said he was mad because I never came back to try and make us work. He says I am a horrible evil person and hates me but he lets kids go with me everywhere when I come down o see them. He is talking to one of his ex girlfriends before me. What do I do?

Welcome to MB, Ss83.

Are you legally married to this man? For how long have you been married?

Yes we got married in September I last year 2012

Ss83,

Am I correct that you held back on sexual details? Or was it that you cheated on your ex? or financial?

Did he say he would not have married you if he had known?

God Bless
Gamma

All of your last what, Ss? There is a word missing in this sentence.

Past I am sorry

I never cheated on him. It was financial business mixed in with my ex husband. And also I did cheat on my ex husband and have a child with the man I cheated on him with. He said he was hurt because I didn't give him the opportunity to know the real me. I didn't give him a chance to know all my past. Including being raped.

No he didn't say he would not have married me he just said I lied to him by not telling him about it. I went to counseling for lieing because if I get scared or uncomfortable that is always my way of escaping hurt and pain.

Everybody feels uncomfortable telling unpleasant truths about themselves. Everybody. They don't go to counseling for that. You can make a choice to stop lying.

I did make a choice to stop lieing. But I needed counseling to overcome my fears and demons from my very abusve and domesticate home when I was a child.

I have not lied to Him at all and have been very honest about everything he asks now. But he gets angry and says hurtful things. Which I understand.

So he is jealous of your relationship with your ex. It sounds as if you are close friends with your ex, and I am not surprised that your H is jealous. When you got married, you should have severely reduced your contact with your ex and cut out the friendly interactions. You and your ex had an intimate relationship and you still have and will forever have accounts in each other's love banks. You could very easily begin a romantic affair with your ex, as you could with any man with whom you have a good relationship. you need to develop and demonstrate good boundaries around men in order to keep yourself safe, and to make your H confident that you are honouring your marriage. you have had an affair before, after all.

You didn't, as your H says, go back to make things work. What do you want to do about your marriage now?

Ss83,

Was your H cheated on or lied to in other ways in previous relationships?

Does your exH know the child is not his?

God Bless
Gamma

Are you saying that you didn't tell your H anything about these things until after you were married? Why not?

I was uncomfortable telling him about my past I don't know why. I was scared of him being ashamed of me for what happened. His ex wife cheated on him and abandoned him and his kids 15 years prior to us getting married

Yes my ex husband knows the child isn't his he has raised him as his since he was born though

ss83, but why wouldn't you tell him the truth? Everyone is "uncomfortable" about telling unpleasant truths about themselves, that is not an excuse. Why did you chose to trick him?

Do you think that being "uncomfortable" is justification for bad behavior?

I'm not surprised that, when he found out you concealed the fact of your affair in your last marriage and the fact that it produced a child, he told you to leave. That is a pretty significant fact about your past, wouldn't you agree? Didn't you think your future H had a right to know this?

No not at all. And I am very prepared to pay the ultimate price of losing the man I love for my actions if he can't forgive me. But that doesn't mean I will not continue couseling and trying to save my marriage.