Right now I get to see them all the time because I haven't fought against him and don't fight with him. But te second we go to court I don't know how long it will be.

If he has full custody, what do you mean you see them all the time?

When the cops came and arrested you what were the charges on the paperwork?

Rehashing the past does little to address your marriage.

What are you doing to earn back the trust of those you have deceived by omission of the truth as well bald faced lies?

Until you are 100 percent truthful and be counted on to be that no matter how difficult the circumstances, little else matters.

I'm being 100% honest. As of today we haven't talked for nearly 3 weeks so what do I do? I am willing to do anything to try and save my marriage.

When you were arrested what were the charges on the paperwork?

There were NO CHARGES and NO PAPER WORK. Hence how I successfully sued them

Is he with anyone else?

Please tell me why you want to stay with a man who has you falsely arrested? Are there any other despicable things he's done?

I think this horrible man is the XH who has full custody of their children. Tragic situation.

Thanks lw.

Ss83,

It's going to be really tough on your marriage with your current H with your XH having so much involvement in your life.

Can you go completely NC with your XH so you can work on your marriage?

If I do I won't be able to see my boys. That is why I am so confused. I don't want to lose my husband. My ex husband uses my boys to his advantage and he knows I am in love with my husband and knows I am torn in between knowing what to do. Yes I can get a court date but it will takes months to get in court and then the outcome will be scary because of my exs money and power over our county. I have 100% proof of all my ex and has done and my husband does know how he is. This is so hard.

If anyone wants to email me a question or anything I can answer more quickly as I don't know how to get notification of someone posting on here.

Personal Notifications arent allowed on this site, unless approved through the MODS.

Have you POJA this with your H? Is he on board with going to court and fighting for your kids?

Yes he was on board but now he won't even talk to me. It's three weeks yesterday.

When was the last time you tried?

Last Thursday. I will post the letter I sent him. He replied very hateful and mean to me.

I don't really know what to say or how to say it. Or maybe where to start. I have learned so much about what I have done to hurt you emotionally. I would have never known, yes sad but true, if it had not have been for you just completely abandoning me and ignoring me. I thought I was doing so well and I could save the world by our marriage and us when I went to counseling the first time. Only to learn that the counselor told me some things just to learn how to deal with pain and my depression and denial. But didnt really fix the problem. You see I still never understood your side and how much I hurt you emotionally until this past week. I begged God for help. I begged him to let me see the truth and know why you hated me. Still nieve I thought the only person that could answer that was you. But you wasn't the only one that could answer it. I could answer it myself I just chose to STILL be selfish and think because I went to counseling I had done something for us to save our marriage. I realize now that I couldn't save our marriage because I wasn't able to emotionally accept the things I did to hurt you. I just thought well yeah I messed up but since I went to counseling my husband should forgive me and be ok with it. We should be able to stay married and be ok. I realized through many trials and several long nights of crying, reading marriage books, and praying and begging to God for answers and help many things. I finally found a counselor that didnt just see my side, they showed me yours to. I walked in every time with the whole outlook of saving my marriage with only my side as being the one that I had to fix and then you would just forgive me and love me again. Like love and forgiveness is so simple and I can just fix it by showing you a few things of me changing. I realized so much through other people's eyes and couples that are undergoing counseling. How cruel and brutal and heartless I was to you. I realized how many things I have been through the years and continuing to get worse. I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. First because there are no words to even describe the guilt and pain i feel now, and second because it wouldn't help you anyway. When I was in counseling in Colorado they led me to believe there was hope for our marriage. That I could be fixed by myself and then focus on us. Almost like you would just see me and be like ok she has changed. I have been attending seminars and counseling for couples and I have to say it is the hardest most painful humiliating thing I have ever done. When I walked in that room I had my head held high with the attitude I was going to get answers that were miracle ones and come get my life back. I got slapped in the face with brutal reality in a hurry. I realized the emotional trauma and pain I caused you wasn't just a hey I am going to get help and come get you thing. Yes I know you have been telling me that the whole time but I guess I had to realize it before it could make sense to me. I realized how much hurt you have been feeling and enduring. I wanted to die inside literally when so many people looked straight at me and said no wander he feels that way. No wander he is still hurting. It made me so sad to know I done all of it to you. I can't tell you how bad it hurts. I realized how selfish, gutless, sorry, hateful, vindictive, and mean I was. I truly seen it when so many people said look at this. Then they asked why did you do it? Of course my answer at first was well the counselor told me that's a natural reaction to protecting ourselves from a bad childhood. There reply was and everyone uses that excuse. I had no idea. This has been such a hard and degrading experience for me. I have learned so much so to late. I learned that I never deserved the time I got with you, I never deserved the relationship that we had or you could have offered. I learned that you probably will be and was the only person in my life that truly loved me enough to hold me accountable for my actions. That I took advantage of a true sincere love that I will never get back. I learned that lieing is something you have to be taught not to do and if you aren't taught that strictly at childhood you have to learn it the harsh way at adulthood. My actions as an adult are my own choice, and I can't blame anyone but myself for them. Now for my actions and thins I have to live with and fix. Yes I have finally woke up to them to. I have to deal with Kent and eventually get to where I have no contact with him at all. For that's the only way I can ever have a relationship with someone again is completely let him go. Yes I realized that in counseling. I didn't realize how much damage I done to our relationship by keeping him in my life and using him for his money. By my other actions of lieing the relationship with him only compounded you believing I had an affair with him. I never could realize why you felt that way. I only seen my side of the story which when you lie and manipulate someone like I did you, you of course are going to think the worse.

I have to get the boys life's straight and fix my problems with them. And meanwhile I still have to continue to fix my problems and life events that I have brought upon myself by my adult actions and choices. So am I anywhere near ready to fix my marriage to you? No. Are you anywhere near ready to love me enough to help me fix this all? No. Will our marriage survive this and all the deep trivials and drama and problems I have brought upon it? No. Which leaves me to realize the mistakes, problems, choices I have made have hurt me, you, and our children. And sadly many others I am sure. But the only people that matter the most is the ones I have hurt the worst. Nobody else matters. I have really made a mess of my life. I realize it sincerely and deeply. The only thing I can do is live and learn from my mistakes and choices as an adult. And learn that I can't blame everyone else and nobody can take the fault for my own actions. I have to accept the consequences for my actions. And all I can do is pray and ask God to help guide me through each mistake I made to make it right the best I am allowed and ask God for forgiveness and the strength to never commit the same mistake again. I have been given so many curses but yet so many blessings in this lesson and heartache. I have lost my husband and best friend, but I have been given a second chance with God and myself to change the horrible person I had become. I have been a second chance with my relationship with Carrie and Justin. I realized how horrible I had been to them, and the example I showed them to follow. God gave me a chance to amend my wrongs learn from them and I still have the ability to have them in my life. Not for my own good and intentions. But for our good and love together. I never realized how much I had missed them both telling me there troubles and triumphs in life till I lost that due to my own stupidity and selfishness. I can't tell you of all the things I have told you today how to learn to forgive myself because I don't know how to yet. I can tell you that I will not give up on becoming a good person. I will continue to fight and chip away every battle that I am facing right now. Honestly I know I have no reward for it except I change my life. I know in my heart I have lost you and our marriage. And it's all because my own selfish actions. I can't tell you I have quit praying for a miracle and God can save our marriage and relationship. But I have accepted it will never probably happen. Unless of course that is what God wants to happen, then of course anything is possible. So with that I wake up everyday pray to God for his love, strength, perseverance, wisdom, and guidance to continue to become a better person myself and fix all the wrong I have done to others. To have enough compassion in his heart that if he thinks I deserve to have my life and husband back someday he will give it to me. If not he can give me the strength to overcome the trials and pain and heartache of losing you. And let me stay humble so I can learn his intentions and purpose for me as His child on this earth.

Sorry that was long. But need some insight and help and this was my heartfelt feelings

You have one ex-husband who is some sort of criminal.
And your now-husband, did not tell you about his bankruptcy and you did not tell him about your affair and child. You say you and your husband had a bad fight. What do you mean by bad?
Was he ever in any way physically agressive to you? (that includes pushing and shoving)

It is very good that you are looking into your own mistakes and that you are working on becoming a better you. Please read the materioals on this site, so you won't make the same mistakes in the future.

Marriage builders will give you the opportunity to save your marriage if it is salvable (and sometimes even when it is not).

God bless

Happyheart

He was very abusive verbally. We talked today. He Told me didn't want anything to do with me because he needed to heal and I hurt him and made him look like a fool in front of our friends