I'm glad you're listening to LR about the social media. It really is to help you not to punish you.

LR, how is your Plan B going? A whole year already?? I felt like I was dying the first few days. I started feeling better, and then today happened. You are right about closing up all avenues of communication.

It is going great. I am coming up on two years.

Just shut off social media, you can live without it.

So how long did it take before you started feeling better? You know, where you are not still wondering about WS?

How long it takes to feel better? Well the dependent factor will be how dark you are. The more holes you have, the longer it will take. The darker the plan b, the faster it will be and the true healing will begin.

Like I said, my plan b was swiss cheese, plus i was extemely stubborn and hard headed, much to the frustration of many. I could have built quite a few houses with the amount of 2 x 4's that headed my way. So it took me longer than it should because I was my own worst enemy. As Steve Harley told me, we sometimes get in our own way.

Do a better initial plan b than I did, you will thank yourself later.

I could have built quite a few houses with the amount of 2 x 4's that headed my way.

Amen, that!

jm, listen to the ladies here about social media and any other holes in your Plan B bulwarks. Rats can find any weakness to gain entrance to sustenance and comfort (where they spread crap and pestilence all over); WSs have the same motivation and abilities.

So turns out visiting my family did not exactly get my mind off things. I ended up counseling my aunt, she revealed her H had an affair 8 years ago, she found out 3 years ago, they sleep separately and they never attempted recovery.A limping marriage basically. I gave her the website, the book titles and maybe she will be posting here soon.

On another note, WH is asking my IL for help in seeing DS5. They are not helping him, they said they have no contact info for me and he should read the letter.

I had a mututal friend text me saying they are scared for WH. He is drinking almost everyday and he was never a drinker. Of course this friend does not know whats going on, we are not close. I just asked them not to update me.

I am scared for WH and so are IL and my own parents because of the self destruction.

As sad and worried as you are for WH, there is nothing you can do to help him or rescue him from his own destruction. That is the consequences of his actions and his choices. The best thing you can do is pray for him.

What self care are you doing for yourself?

Is your fb closed down?

In reality I am not dling much. Not because i want to mope etc. Financially I can't. I have been going to the library, the mall, etc. I am going to church on sunday.

I know I cant help him, it still hurts that he is choosing this path.

Yea I shut it down already.

For a person in plan B, you know way to much about WH!

PLUG THOSE HOLES

Self care need not be expensive.

Bubble bath
Splurging on a 99 cent bottle of nail polish
Going to thrift stores for items to repurpose
Finding items at garage sales
Using cloth napkins at dinner for yourself
Reading books from the library
Burning scented candles (which you found on sale )
Pulling out long forgotten hobbies
Do geneology research on your family tree



Congrats on closing fb, you will feel better.

Yup i realized that this weekend. I have since shut down FB, asked my IL to not update me on him and also the friend. I think i will keep finding some and I will patch them as I go.

Hey everyone I am back with good news I assume.

WH has asked for reconciliation, he showed up to our DS5 first day of school and asked to speak to me. I asked if he had ended all contact with OW, willing to change his number and agree to MB, he said yes!

He has agreed to all my EPs. Has agreed to MB, and anything that will make me feel safe.

He apologized to our DS5, my family, his family, and most importantly, to me.

He said he kept thinking about how kind I was, and how willing I was to give us another shot. He said he also realized, like me, that we had never really dedicated to making each other happy. He said he wants to make me feel like the most loved woman on earth, he wants to take me on real dates and find out who I really am. He knows it will take time, but he wants to know that he has given his absolute everything to me.

Now where do WE begin this long recovery process? We are planning on purchasing the MB Online program, but he wants to move back in soon. I am scared to let him come back without having the program on hand. Should I schedule something with Dr. Steve Harley, since we both have affairs to confess to each other?

I'm so very ready to begin, WE are both ready to learn how to actually love each other.

I await your expertise vets!

I'm not a vet as I'm going through infidelity myself but he should post here.

Those are some good signs.

So let's recap.

You were in Plan B, but he approached you?

What EPs has he DONE? Apologizing to your family is a fantastic start.

Has he changed his number? Did he write her a NC letter?

Can you afford coaching with Steve Harley or the online program?

What EPs has he put in place that allowed the affair?

Will he post here?

Set your bar high and don't let him choose which one of these things he needs to follow. He needs to do all of them. Honestly I'm not convinced, he needs his SF needs met and is saying whatever to get that filled since POSOW is miles away.

Have you had full disclosure of all his affairs yet?? He did tell you that he has done much worse than what you already know about. First step is for him to tell you all that has happened and be completely open and honest.

This is really great news! It is natural to be excited and hesitant at the same time. You both have much proving to do to each other.

I would start by getting full disclosure. Do you have unanswered questions that have never been addressed?

Second, if you think he is really ready to accept all your terms, he needs to move back into the house ASAP.

Third, I encourage you to go through the EP's one at a time and really discuss them in detail to make sure there are no misunderstandings. (great time to practice keeping LB's under control). Remember, these are not negotiable.

Lastly, to get the ball rolling, you are going to really have to focus on a minimum of 15hrs/wk dating each other, making as many LB deposits as possible.

The porn, social networking, friends of the opposite sex, Independent Behavior, and Openness and Honesty should be really talked about in detail.

What will be the consequences if he breaks any EP's?


I am really hopeful that you are both ready to create the M that you have both always wanted. Take it 1 step at a time and you will do great! Be prepared for many ups and downs and they will be in you future.

I highly recommend the online program! But before you take that step, I think you should schedule a few appointments with Steve (he's Dr. Harley's son). Giving Steve a chance to talk to him will be good -- Steve will be able to tell you if he believes your husband is willing to do what it takes.