No it doesn't, but this does Operation Investigate

Ah, check out the Operation Investigate website that BrainHurts linked for you, but it is also imperative that you go to the link that MelodyLane has in her sig line. Please click on that link and educate yourself on what you're dealing with and what you need to do.

Ah75,

This program works if you follow the advice. You have been asked to snoop to rule out an affair. If your W is having an affair then no amount of you trying to fill her LB is going to work. Her bank is closed to you.

The affair is over. She said she was "discusted" when she sees him. The events that lead to the affair are over. Can not sell the house or move. My roots are too deep. She is thinking about moving into our rental house.

How do you know?

They have no contact! Not to say her emotions don't.

Have you verified this?

Have you made any progress in helping your wife talk through her thoughts, to vent, without asking her the tough questions?


Have you told her that Family Honor is important to you?


Is your support important to the children getting through college, or is your wife independently wealthy?

Being a good mother, often means keeping the father reasonably happy, so that grounds for divorce are not established. Have you spoken to an attorney about he laws in your state? Usual divorce procedures in your county?

If your wife moves out, that may give your grounds of desertion.

Once child support is set, then other obligations are voluntary. Does your wife want you to re-marry? Does divorce in your jurisdiction usually include child support for grad school, college, internships contributions?

What other complaints about you has your wife mentioned that you find hurtful? Can you ask her to be less hurtful, after listening to her ideas for 15 Minutes?




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We talked this through for months. I'm at the end of my rope. No talk of divorce. She feels trapped because I'm the sole income provider. She needs to find her self. Always been the giver and never the taker.

The affair is not over. Do you live in a communist dictatorship where you are not allowed to move?

Ah75, are you really serious about saving your marriage? If you are, then you should be snooping, getting the goods, and making plans to move to a new community. The affair will never end as long she lives in the same community as the OM.

***EDIT***

Your wife has a loving devoted husband, and children who love her

***EDIT***

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Allowing the WW to move out is her ploy to be free to bang her OM. This affair is not dead for this reason alone.

WW's are liar's.

You can not trust a Liar.

That is why you must verify that there is NC.

As to not selling the house. You call the relator and have them list the property. Then you make new roots some place new.

Ah~

You said you live in a very small town -- Is it so small that it's impossible for your wife not to see OM? Because if that's the case, then you are gonna need to hire the Roto Rooter man or somebody to dig up your "deep roots" and high tail it outta there. That is, if saving your marriage is the goal.

First and foremost you must VERIFY that there is no contact between your wife and OM. Do not ask her -- that won't work. You must snoop. Put spyware on her computer and phone -- a GPS on her car, voice activated recorder in her car, etc.

Now, it IS possible that she and OM aren't in contact, but she is just still in that nauseating state of reliving the affair in her head. I am a FWW, and I remember doing that, though it sickens me to admit it. My affair was in 2005 and my husband [MrWondering] and I are recovered and happily married today -- it can be done. What you can't do though is cooperate with ridiculous notions of "finding herself". And for goodness sake, get your rental house rented IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT let that be an option for her!!! I distinctly remember telling MrW after my affair that I wanted to move out -- and by the way, he also is the sole bread winner in our family -- anyway, he very calmly and firmly told me "no". During that time MrW continued to plan fun things for us to DO -- he did all that he could to engage me in conversation -- he was as affectionate with me as I would allow. Pretty much he did things that recreated the atmosphere that had allowed us to fall in love with each other when we'd first met. I was definitely reluctant a lot of the time in the beginning, but he stood his ground and continued until I followed, and it worked beautifully.

Ah, do all those things while simultaneously VERIFYING that the affair is over. That part cannot be skipped, ok?

Finally, the power of moving after an affair should not be underestimated. We were not forced to move because my affair was long distance -- the OM lived 750 miles away. As I told you, it happened in 2005 and certainly by 2010 we felt fully recovered, but we did sell our house and move that year and it was like a weight was lifted by our doing that. Our old house still contained memories of Dday and other assorted triggers that we really weren't even aware of -- the new house represented a fresh start -- a place that was not haunted by ANY icky affair stuff. A place to build memories of just us, as it should be. I hope you will give this careful consideration.

Mrs. W

If she sees him in public, it`s not over. Over is no contact for LIFE. Besides, have you verified this yourself - because I am sure she never told you she was having an affair, so why would you believe her now�

(Sorry my question mark does not work)

Moving is not an option

Then unless the OM moves or there is zero possibility of her having contact with him ever again, you will be choosing your location over your marriage. This is your choice to make, but your marriage cannot recover when there are reminders and occasional contact/sightings with OM.

I'm giving her space and time to think. She said I'm not listen to her. So no more sharing a bed. No more back rubs. No more kisses. She needs time she is getting it. At least she is home.

I try to never assume, but I again think you should snoop. Your wife's demeanor as you describe sounds very much like she is still in an A or that her breaking of NC is NOT accidental when it happens.

No she doesn't need time or "space." He needs you to leave her alone so she can conduct her affair.

She has been apprehensive about sex for many years. Always tired. So theropy made her realize she has not wanted me for years before the affair happened.