That's my point - a woman having an affair is not a fit teacher. Of course it affects her ability to teach!

After you've told people they can make up their OWN minds whether they trust her to teach their children any more or not. Trying to make up other people's minds for them is kinda low down, if you ask me.

I wouldn't want my children being taught by someone who is having an affair. And I know for a fact they are not! In addition to our own homeschooled children, my wife teaches children from two other families one day a week, and I assure you I would tell those two families immediately if she was having an affair! (She'd do the same about me.)

Ar2kids, you are making strategic mistakes by not exposing to the homeschool parents. We don't care who does or doesn't care, that does not matter. That completely misses the point. The point is to leave your wife no place to hide and to bring pressure on her from all quarters. You can't afford to skip any step because your wife has had a 4 yr affair. It is very entrenched. This is not the time to be timid.

And if someone else gives you advice not to expose, then I strenuously question their qualification and would invite them to come here and defend that advice. Everyone should know about the affair who is connected to your wife.

Exposure is THERAPEUTIC, not toxic, and your marriage needs all the therapy it can get. You simply cannot afford to cut corners.

"ey are most helpful for me to consider with all the other opinions. Please understand I am not discounting what you say. I am saying that I'm done with the exposure, and leaving it in God's hands. If there is something else that you can offer - please offer it."

No it is not helpful for you to consider all "opinions," it is just causing you to be confused and to make strategic mistakes that you can ill afford.

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Yes, Markos, I have mentioned many times in the posts that I have the book and have read it.

There is the concept of the "secret fantasy" mentioned in the book. Part of that is that my WW has compartmentalized the whole secret. On all other fronts, she is the happy housewife with all of her ducks in a row. And people do trust her. So to say that she is a danger to children without reading the entirety of this string is an irresponsible rush to judgement, and I kindly ask you to refrain from such nonsense. She is still keeping it a secret and she is ashamed and well aware of Matthew 18:6.

Blindsighted - thank you for your sharing. There is one data point for me.

I can accomplish the same thing by telling WW that I've told everyone. She's not going to bother to verify - she's simply going to get more angry and think I'm more of a jerk. But none of your arguments for telling the group have convinced me.
The TRUTH is that she is only going to do what she wants to do. A crack addict continues in their addiction until someone FORCES them to stop because there are laws that allow the authorities to take them in due to the harm they cause themselves and others. In this case of adultery, I cannot FORCE her to do anything, otherwise I will get slapped with assault or worse. There are no laws against two people having consensual sex.

Your analogy is broken. The behavior is addictive, yes, but the danger to kids is different. Tell me, how do you absolutely know that the teachers are not doing something in secret that you would find objectionable? Have you inquired ad nauseum just to make sure? But yet, you find them to be good teachers, yes? There are SOME things that you may never know, and that is why we have faith in an omniscient and omnipotent God, who is faithful and just and full of mercy. And at this point, I'm going to let all the effects of the other exposures manifest themselves.

Look - God is in control. Not me. Not WW. Not MarriageBuilders.

I am not quitting or giving up. I am going to love her as Christ loves the Church, ...that she would be holy and blameless.

Hey Blindsighted - how old were your children when exposed? how old are they now? What got your WW out of the affair?

Hmmm. Total gibberish AR. Marcos is one of the most knowledgeable and experienced members here.

How is plan AR doing so far? If you want help recovering your marriage that stop the fogspeak and listen.

Your wife is carrying on an affair with a scumbag outside of your marriage. That moral decisions makes her a danger to children. If shes willing to do such a heinous crime against you than who knows what she could do with children.

Also who are you to decide whats a danger to other people kids. Let them decide. They deserve the truth.

Shes keeping it a secret because she wants to continue to have sex with the scumbag and if she's "aware" of Mat 18:6 she is choosing to spit in the face of God as well as endanger you, your family and the other children.

If you don't want help then please stop wasting our time. There are others here willing to listen and willing to follow the plan who are currently recovering their marriages.

While she screws other men?

What a terrible plan and a complete misrepresentation of God. God says to expose darkness. God says to confront sin. "Loving" your wife would be killing the affair not sticking your head in the sand.

I give up.

Satan is the prince of this world. Check your scripture. Remember, there was the fall into sin. God has provided you with resources to deal with this. If you refuse to act, whose will are you really doing?

"Look - God is in control. Not me. Not WW. Not MarriageBuilders."

Actually the devil is in control when you help an adulterer hide her adultery and allow people to unknowingly leave their children in her care. You give power to evil. You are leaving an unfit adult in charge of children for personally selfish reasons. I don't many parents that would want an unrepentant adulterer to teach their children and you are denying these parents to make the choice to remove their children.

Why? For what possible reason can you justify this?

The devil has been in control of your marriage for a long time and he is still in control today.

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." ( John 3:19-21)

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God is in control and we are his Body.


Casting Crowns - If We Are The Body

Why are you quitting? This is a war. That is what saving your marriage and your kids family. Why are you afraid to ask your kids what WW said? How else are you going to know how she lied to them? Believe that is exactly what your WW did.

Also BH's have defeated affairs longer then 4 years.

Instead of fighting you fold as if you were made out of manila.

Home school parents are a great exposure target.

You will not expose why bother to plan A?

Are you trying to prove something by fighting with one hand tied behind your back and wearing a blind fold?

Don't play games with this. Don't try to 'fake your wife out' by telling her you've done something you haven't. Stand up, stand tall and do the right thing to kill this affair.

Exposure of the affair is to expose the affair to people who are in a position to encourage your WW to end it. You don't know who that person may be.

Yep. She's going to get angry. Nothing ticks a wayward off faster than the disclosure to her world that the way she has presented herself has been a lie. They don't like to get caught in lies and have to defend their actions - because their actions are indefensible.

You don't. Of COURSE, you know that. And what they're doing doesn't matter, here - we're talking about YOUR wayward. We're not interested in what the other parents are doing.

One thing that I saw when I was homeschooling my kids: the parents were trusting of the other homeschooling parents - we were devoted to a common cause of teaching our children outside of the public school system. That fact alone gave us a certain feeling of trust. It is a feeling that is not deserved, as your sitch shows.

There is NO WAY I would have had my children exposed to an adulterer who was presenting themselves as a role model.

We are advising you to expose the affair to the people who are in the best position to encourage her to end the affair. No one has advised you to put up a banner - please show me where you're seeing this. You are being recalcitrant and are balking, which tells me that you are afraid to do the work required to expose. You need to lose this attitude. It will not help you.

No. Markos is correct. She is currently living in sin. She has zero business in guiding young lives while she is trashing her own and that of her family. That's simple logic. If you need more confirmation, do a poll at your church and ask them what THEY think. (You exposed to the church, right?)

AR, you are incredibly foggy.

No child should have to be "educated" by an adult who is actively destroying the child's family. The fact that the "adult" in this case is the children's own mother, makes it exponentially worse. Show your children the care and respect they deserve. Get them out of their mother's soap opera and into a setting where they can actually focus on their schoolwork. Enroll them in public or private school. Let WW deal with the homeschool fallout. Those are the natural consequences of her choices.