Yeah my WW didn't really push the D conversations and try to till separate until her counselor filled her head with crap and validated the affair as some kind of empowering thing.

Would you mind shooting a short email to Joyce on the radio show telling her this? They are discussing the dreadful advice that comes from counselors on the radio show today. Dr Harley told a caller to lose her counselor and he said "I bet the people on the forum are cheering!" Her email address is mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Kiss and I were in counseling when things were going bad in our amrriage and I knew he had a "friend" but did not know the extent of their relationship. I remember bringing it up in counseling and the counselor completely ignored it. Now I know that the OW was the REASON for our marriage problems.

I no longer have any faith in "marriage counselors".

9 days ago this guy thought he had his wife snowballed and gaslighted enough to present her with a separation agreement surely dividing up everything all semi-fair and square including the blame for the breakdown in the marriage. He was probably already practicing his speech to the children about how they'd grown apart and how sometimes mommies and daddies stop being in love but they both really really love them kiddos (while he continues lying to them and destroying the family with his selfishness...and looking forward to the day he and OW can play house with his kids all happy for him and OW)

He used the counselors to validate, promote and sell his position. One of the problems I see with local face to face marriage counselors is they are too easily snowed by these manipulators. It's almost like they instantly become non-objective and mesmorized by the wayward's fake smiles and lies. A professional like this wayward probably even gets even more instant respect and credibility. This wayward is probably even well known in the community which make local counseling even more suspect. These counselors get drawn into the crazy and merely nod their heads...hoping not to offend the wayward.

If he doesn't tell you the truth you'll obviously be divorcing so you better depose him, the OW and every person that knew them both in discovery. He owes you the truth about your life one way or another prior to any divorce. The truth is step number one in recovery anyway...so it's likely once the reality sets in that he's losing his wife and family he will hopefully be seeking you out to tell you.

I also hope the husband comes back here someday asking us for our help about how to get his wife and family back. My instincts tell me this guy isn't capable of recovery but I've been wrong before.

Mr. W

Mediamom, how are you getting on in preparing for Plan B?

A cheating husband who has been at it several years - well he isn't going to become decent marriage material overnight.

Some waywards are remorseful from the get-go but I doubt you're going to see him with his hat in his hand this week. Possibly in Plan B if you let him hit rock bottom without you.


You must get away from this gaslighting where he makes out he had a long running affair simply because you were not a perfect wife. Emotional cruelty on this level will cause you to break down. After all, you still love him.

Trust us, even if you were the perfect wife, a wayward would call you 'too perfect' to justify his A. They don't seem to get that they have to remain faithful even if their spouse is in a coma meeting NO needs at all.

How does introducing a whore into the dynamic help? Not very much.

So while your husband is practicing his 'How to beat my wife down with blame' plan, you must protect yourself.

In Plan B, your husband may discover remorse but that's not the reason you do it.

You do it to stay safe and so that you never hear another vile word of pompous blame flung in your direction from your unfaithful husband ever again. EVER.

If you do end up going for a divorce in Plan B, it will hurt less than if you are under this kind of verbal attack.

Good luck.

Sorry Mel didn't see that until today. I'll still send that email though.