I posted before you did.

Great job in locating contacts!

Yes, I would expose to all those people, including neighbors. They will make it harder for OW and your H to carry on their affair in front of their eyes. Ask them for their help in ending the affair.

Letting everyone know will put pressure on the OW and on your husband. It lets the light of day shine on the affair, taking away the thrill of the secrecy. Now everyone will know what they have been doing. It won't be as much "fun" anymore for either of them.

Be prepared for possible negative feedback. Seems like most of the time, there are a few people who think it's wrong to "shame" others by exposing, but they don't know how to deal with infidelity. Some will hopefully actually be proactive and help you. But at least they will all know and they will be looking with disgust at the OW. And probably at your H, too.

Blind, you must also pay $1 when you send those PM's to her family members. Otherwise, it goes in their spam box and they never see it. Send them from a PC and not a tablet or phone.

OMG!! I never knew this!! What an amazing resource. Thanks for posting this!

Rocket, can you share the site that you use to reverse look up cell numbers? A small monthly fee sounds very worth it.

Melody, are there instructions someplace that I can find to learn how to pay the dollar fee on Facebook?

Thank you, more later everyone. I am reading as posts come in, but We had a snowstorm today and lost power, so I am not as efficient at keeping multiple windows open on my iPad.

Oh and I did talk with my brother for a long while this afternoon, it was wonderful to unburden my life to someone that cares so much. He is definitely going to support our marriage. He is going to go with me to expose to my dad. I sent my brother a link to my posts here. Hi Brother!

It should pop up when you try to do it. Just go to their "message" button, write out the message and hit send. If you do this on a PC, a box will pop up giving you the option to pay $1 to put it in their inbox.

Ahhh okay, I will have to wait until we have power then. I've only ever messaged people that are already my friends on FB.

Thank you!

Sure, I use spokeo.com. I think it's like 5 bucks for 3 months.

We got our power back late last night, yay!

My brother is going with me today to tell my Dad. After I tell Dad, then I will stop at the post office to send the NC letter certified mail.

Then I will come home I will write out my exposure letters to the rest. I will post them here before sending them.


I appreciate all of this reminder, LWFH. I have a feeling that I will need to keep reminding myself of all of this. It's going to be tough for me to see my H go through this. But obviously necessary and I will do it.

I promise that I won't purposely deviate in one single thing. You all feel free to 2x4 me if you see that I am getting slack in anything.

I still have to deal with his email (she is blocked, plus I have the password and can see it at any time...but better to close that account and open a new one).

Also, I hear what Jedi says about a polygraph, so I will find out how to schedule that. We WERE saving up for the extra for the coaching part of MB, but I think that a polygraph just became more important, agreed?

LWFH, I don't know about only allowing certain numbers on his cell phone. I know that there is some sort of parental controls for websites and apps, but not sure about phone numbers. I will check.

Thank you Rocket for sharing your tip about spokeo. I totally missed that they had a monthly option. Appreciate it!

Don't want you to think I was giving you a 2x4, I was using your post as an example to others. Many come here thinking "well, we can skip that part" or decide not to expose. I hope your story shows them that you can't pick and choose

Oh my goodness NO Rocket, I did not take anything in your post as a 2x4. I definitely WANT all of you to analyze every single thing that I say on here. Same with H as he has promised that after this exposure, that he will register and post here also.

We absolutely NEED all of you!

And yes, if others can learn anything from our experience, that will be wonderful.

Here.
Polygraph Testing

well this sure feels like a big pile of POOP, but I exposed all over the place to both his and my family today, and our neighbors.

My Dad was wonderful and I'm so happy that you all talked me into telling him.

I also went and sent the NC letter via certified mail. She should have it on Monday.

When do I expose to her family and friends? Do I wait until Monday or should I do it now?

Here is the exposure letter for her side of the family, what do you think?


Hello,

My husband XXX has been having an ongoing affair with your mother, XXX.

XXX did work at your mother's house, and in approximately 1999, a physical affair ensued. This went on for 1-1/2 to 2 years, ended, but then resumed in 2007, and continued until I discovered the affair. My husband states that he does NOT want a divorce and we are trying to heal our marriage.

Your mother has continued to contact my husband in spite of his request to end all contact. I would like to ask for your help in asking her to stop attempting to wreck our marriage.

Thank you,
XXX's Wife of 32 years, XXX
_________________________
DDay - May 7, 2013 (I discovered his 12 year affair)
DDay #2 - October 22, 2013
BS - Me, 50
FWH - Him, 52
Married 32 yrs.

How about,
"My husband states he does NOT want a divorce, and we are working to repair our marriage."

"Trying" is too iffy, I think...

Thanks catwhit, changing it now.

So when should I expose to her side? She should receive the NC on Monday.

Expose now! You don't need to wait for her to get the NC letter.


I think what you wrote sounds fine, Blindsighted; I added in a couple of changes in red that I would use if it was me sending the letter.

You are doing great so far. Keep it up and be sure to take good care of your health. Is there any way you two could get away for a while? No phones or computer?

Your husband will have to radically change his lifestyle in order to completely end his entrenched long-term affair. Do you and he realize this?

We have had a few LTAs on this forum and the ones that were successful were so because they now spend all their time together and/or are accountable for every minute of the day.

He must not have the ability to contact that OW by phone or email or by driving to meet her somewhere.

Please don't have him rely on willpower; willpower doesn't work too well. It's better to have the temptation completely removed. Logic is also not going to work too well for him. He is running on his emotions right now. And our emotions are not very intelligent.

Got it LTWF, thank you!

YES, H is home now and we are going out with each other. No phones or computers.

Talk with you later, THANK YOU ALL!!!!!

G'Morning all, I have our family photo ready to post to my FB and do exposure on her side.

Before I do that, I want to ask....will her family be able to see MY friends and family names on my FB? I don't care if they start contacting anyone else, but I don't want them to be able to contact our daughters.

I'm thinking YES, so should I make a new FB account (say in my and H's name) and use that to expose?

two more questions...

1) H is getting very worn down with us talking about this all again. I understand that it truly is awful for him, especially after the mass exposure that I did yesterday...except that now I know that I do NOT have all of the details. Should I still just shut up and wait for the polygraph? It could be a couple of weeks before I can come up with the $ for that.

2) UA time...last night when we went out, I tried my best to be positive, but I could barely think of anything else. I would say that I talked about it about 25% of our time together. With UA time, I AM supposed to shut up about it and focus only on positive, correct?