I feel like a part of me has died, and will never live again. It used to be the part of me that kept me alive. This part of me was all I lived for.

Love has been a big force in my life this last year. I fell head over heels in love, and enjoyed every second of it. Every kiss, thought, touch and smile brought me joy. Whether it was wrong or right I did not and do not care, for wherever there is love there can only be good.

I prioritized my love over everything else. Over my job, my friends, even my family. I still looked after my family with care and strength, but not with my heart, because my heart was elsewhere. I chose to put it elsewhere, because I loved elsewhere.

It is rare to find a love like mine was. It is in fact unreal and uncommon. And in that lies the tragedy, because unreal and uncommon things never last. Only the real and common things last. And today, my love begins her real and common life. And I must let her go do it, if I truly love her.

Not a day has gone by over the last year and a half, where I have not wished and wondered. One, I wished for this to last forever. And two, I wondered how this will end. Would it end with a bang, or a whimper? Would we stand strong and true, or just go quietly and secretly back to our lives, back to the dark real and common lives we had. Today I have my answer.

Today, I am much wiser, because I know fairy tales don't exist. That even a love as strong as mine cannot win. That it must always lose. That is it's curse. Today also makes me confront some truths. It makes me confront the fact that I am not happy at 'home'. I need to do something about that now-I can't ignore it any longer. This past year I have been so much in love that I have been able to ignore it. But now that my love is gone, I am left with some questions I should have confronted a long time ago. Such as, why was I unhappy, can I fix it and be happy again, or must I leave. These are questions I don't know the answers to. But I must find them. I must use the time I will now have on my hands to find these answers.

So what does it feel like to be a man whose love is marrying another man today? Let me explain. The first strong feeling is foolishness. I feel like a fool for falling in love. And I think she is a fool for doing this. But that is just ego. Time kills ego.
The next emotion is strong and profound sorrow. Stronger than the death of a loved one. Stronger than a breakup. Stronger than watching a loved one make a mistake that you know is going to hurt you. This sorrow I feel is stronger than all those things because it is a combination of all those things in one. It is the death of my relationship and love, she is also breaking up with me, and making a mistake at the same time. The pain is harder than anything I have ever felt. It is paralysing. At least with death there is closure. With this there is no closure. It is always around, torturing and tormenting you. Reminding you that what you wanted will never happen. Utter hopelessness.

Time time time. It is my best friend because it will make me feel less sorrow eventually. But my worst enemy, because it ran out.

I can't cry just yet. My insides are rigid with shock and sorrow. I wish I could cry. I read somewhere it makes you feel better. Who knows-the tears may never come. Because the part of me that was alive is dead. And dead men don't cry.

And in that lies my only relief.

gentlemanX, are you married? Was this "love" an affair?

Are you married? And you are in love with some other woman? And she is getting married?

Can you be more specific?

GentlemanX,

Please do the right thing and inform this man your GF is about to marry that she has been cheating on him, it sounds like the whole time they were engaged. Then leave this woman alone for the rest of your life.

Your GF and her fiance have no chance of a happy marriage because of what you and GF did.

Become the Gentleman you claim to be in your screen name.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes, yes and yes. Pardon me I have never spoken of this before.

Sorry I haven't been specific. It wasn't my intention to appear vague-i just havent spoken about this before.
Yes im married and I have been having an affair. And always knew it would end today (although she is messaging me right at this moment as she prepares for her wedding ceremony, telling me how much she loves me and wants me to hang on)

Every man has a line. And I guess this is mine.

This is such an inversion of basic morality that I hardly know where to start.

Where there is an affair there can only be cruelty and destruction. You have destroyed your family and broken their hearts for this affair.

What help are you looking for? You haven't actually asked for help. You've posted a "heartfelt letter" (gag). Why did you post that here?

I read your signature and understand your pain. I was looking for objective words of advice (for after all, I am in pain too) but I will take my troubles elsewhere. Thank you for reading and sorry if I troubled anyone. It truly wasnt my intention.
I will try and delete this topic as I dont wish to re awaken anyone elses pain.

GentlemanX,

I was in the position of your GFs fiance, and I wished OM had come to me to tell me what had happened.

This is beyond cruel what you and your GF are doing to this fiance.

I think everyone is not writing about their own pain btw, but feel genuine compassion for the fiance.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma yes youre right. I shouldve done that awhile ago. Or never started.

Did you come here for help? Would you please tell us what you are seeking help with?

gentleman, it is not "pain" you are awakening, but revulsion. Adultery is revolting to outside observers, whether they have experienced it or not.

In reality adultery is about as romantic and beautiful as 2 pigs getting it on in the pig pen.

You are the falling down drunk who has vomited all over himself and believes he is beautiful and fancy. Objective observers are looking at you in a realistic right with a look of revulsion. IT stinks in here.

GentlemanX,

If you have any sense of decency please tell her fiance of the marital disaster which is in his future. The fiance might find it in his heart to forgive his new bride. In any event your GF will continue to long for you.

It's bad enough that you have committed this crime, but your hiding it is an even greater crime.

Not to mention what this has done to your children and wife.

The sense of urgency in the postings is due to the time you have to correct this disaster.

God Bless
Gamma

Actually it is not true that a love as strong as yours cannot win. You could have the same thing with your wife. Wouldn't you like to have those same feelings for your wife?

We could show you how to get that. And it would be a lasting love, not some cheap affair that has to be hidden like some filthy, stinking rag.

You would do well to listen and learn from "anyone else's pain" in order to discover what you have done to your family, and learn how to begin putting it right.

Learn about the devastation your behaviour has created for your wife. Learn about the unhappiness of children whose families break up. Pay attention to mine and everyone else's "pain" on here, because you are willingly inflicting this on your wife, who didn't ask for this and doesn't deserve it, and on the children you brought into this world.

Thank you. That is what I came here for. And John 8: 1-59 brought me here.

Do you mean John 8:11? "And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

With special attention paid to the SIN NO MORE part.

You hurt your wife badly and yet you made nearly no mention of her until prodded by us.

This is not about your pain. Guess what? You brought it on yourself by engaging in a putrid affair.

You are not a fool for "falling in love." You are a fool for doing it with someone else's fiance, and hurting your wife.

Oh, and it's not love, you were just higher than hell on the affair fantasy.