H has a narcissistic personality. He has always been competitive with his (adoptive) Dad, who was quite successful in business endeavors. H has had several businesses that began well, but failed. He has the need to present himself as something more than he actually is, as being extremely successful at whatever he is doing, as if to prove to his Dad that he is worthy.
Ive seen it over and over - he has even talked about the "competition."
It is, in my opinion, a low self-esteem issue. I want to deal with that, but short of convincing him to get professional counseling, I don't know how to deal with it.
This is a problem that some BS's sucked into - trying to find the hidden reason their beloved spouse turned wayward.
I have known my ex since elementary school. What I have always like about him is that he is kind and thoughtful. I can truly say we were best friends through most of our M. If you had told me years ago that he would turn out to be a serial cheater who was so cruel, I would never have believed it.
I talked to Dr Harley about the low self-esteem thing. He said counseling doesn't do anything to help with that (raising his self-esteem) and besides, even if you did raise his self-esteem, he would still cheat and have a SSL unless he was willing to change his lifestyle. Counselors have also suggested ex is a narcissist or has BPD, I don't buy it. This behavior is standard for a foggy wayward. We see it here everyday, from people of all types of backgrounds.
Serial cheaters, they have a serious problem with having a SSL and given the opportunity to cheat, they will most likely do so. Why? Because it feels good to have members of the opposite sex meet your ENs. It's that simple.
All you can do is enforce your own boundaries. If your H isn't willing to give up his SSL and change his lifestyle to prevent further cheating, then you would be better off for your own well being in Plan B.
Trying to push him to "change" and "get help" likely just comes off as a big lovebuster and keeps you in the role of "betrayed spouse". It doesn't help your M in any way. I know it's not what you want to hear, but we don't pat people on the back here when they are making bad decisions.... Sorry
