I agree with Mreureka, he oftens sound advice in dealing with the OM. I too have a ton of resentment toward the OM, and for about the same time (13) months have managed not to act on my emotions becasue I know the result would not be good for my own future nor my kids.

I agree you should not spend so much time focused on the status of the OM and his relationship, but a part of me feels as if the hard evidence should have been provided to the OM wife. She deserves to not question wether or not this A did happen in the way her lieing husband portrayed it.

The OMW got "his" version of this and I am sure it was watered down.

When I confronted the OM after discovering my FWW A he actually said to me that his wife had issues with depression and she has some knowledge of his A with my W, but wished to handle it by telling her in "small doses".

Well, I told him that even though he "thinks" everything is in his control, that he had one chance to provide me with his wifes cell phone number or the Atomic bomb exposure was forthcoming. The last word(s) I heard from the POSOM were "You do what you gotta do".

I DID.

After a two hour conversation on the phone with his wife throwing her all the evidence I had compiled over weeks and extending an open line of communication for the future, I said my peace and felt that I gave her the same opportunity I had to either stay in her marriage or leave for good reason.

My faith in the Lord keeps me going with reagrd to the other male. I pray each day that justice is served on the OM, and know that if the OM is truly repentant for his actions that he needs to be forgiven by me and the Lord. I bank on the fact that he is not and depend on the Lords swift accountability for those that he oversee's.

You got to make sure you got to know that the OM could not rug sweep the affair to the OMW.

Yet you advise this BH to fall far short of where you reached.

His WW should and needs to do all in her power to make sure the OMW gets fully exposed. His WW had no problem putting out for the OM she should have no problem putting the truth out there for the OMW.

Agree, I just thought it best for him himself to expose this thing at all levels. If she isnt't doing it, pronto, then I he should.

Not sure if the WW would quit tell the affair details to the OMW as I would want.

This has nothing to do with the FWW "putting out". It is far more important to maintain NC than to encourage contact in hope of getting back at the OM. Telling the FWW to contact the OM's BW is a little too close to telling her to contact the OM. What will happen if she gets through to the OM by mistake?

I maintain that responsibility for exposure ended when the poster contacted the BW directly. If she chose not to believe, then forcing proof on her is not required. Doing so as a means of seeking revenge is a poor motive and is too likely to backfire.

Please allow me to elaborate on my prior post.

It is important to realize that not all BSs come from the same point of view. While there are those of us who are taken totally by surprise by our spouse's infidelity, there are others, particularly those of serial cheaters, who have come to accept the infidelity in some way or another. When the BW of my wife's OM was informed of the affair, her response was "women just can't help falling in love with my husband". She was a total enabler. I came to find that she suspected the affair from the beginning. It was his standard MO. He had done it many times before, and she had come to accept the behavior.

Since the OM in this case is also a serial cheater, I suspect that the BW is in a similar pattern of enabling. I doubt that she thinks he didn't do it, but she is likely to participate with him in blameshifting. Such situations are beyond the reach of your help.

When you are recovering from an affair, your first task is to repair your own marriage. The OM's marriage is not your first responsibility. It may well be an impossible situation, and you need to concentrate on your own recovery. There will be justice for the OM in the end, but it is not your problem to deal with. Success for you will be recovery of your own marriage. Forget about the OM. Exposing the affair to his wife was all you had to do. You don't have to prove it to her.

Have you read the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Willard Harley?

Phinz13,

He told his wife I was a crazy jealous husband who made up this whole A. I did contact his wife who believes I overstated their relationship and believes her husband.

There is an enormous insult here and that is not only did the OM violate your marriage and harm your children, but he attacked your reputation and called you a liar.

Expose this OM to his church, family, children, if his restaurant is a franchise inform the home office.

If I understand your posts correctly your WW knew OM for quite awhile, I would suspect they were sexual before this affair and kept it alive with emails.

You should also get DNA tests for your children and a polygraph for your WW.

God Bless
Gamma

Agree. Expose this A and exposure is best when it is supported by hard evidence of the extent of the A. The OMW is in denial becasue of the BS her H is throwing her way. The OM and my FWW both threw loads of BS my way trying to cover the A and minimizing its extent. Get the facts as best you can and expose indisputable facts.

Then work on your marriage.

I suggest you email Dr. Harley directly for advice.
First, you never answered my question and I suspect you are not following his recovery plan as detailed in Surviving an Affair.

Secondly, he advises talking about the affair and then NEVER mentioning it again. It causes massive love bank withdrawls when it is mentioned. So proposals to have your wife call OM wife one year after the affair died will not help your marriage.

Obviously you are getting conflicting advice here so email Dr Harley and he will answer your question.