Thanks everyone. I am back to snooping secretely. I am going to call the girl in other city and I am going to contact OWH. I know in my head that none of his actions make any sense at all and obviously he is very very careful. He crosses boundaries with girls all the time. Just the other day he told me a girl he is good friends with at work asked him what lingerie to buy to wear for her boyfriend. I mean really???? I need evidence and proof before I react like I did last time. Everyone close to me including you all have been telling me the same thing.......something is very odd and happening whether physical or not.

Good girl.

What spyware do you have in place?

GPS? VAR? Spyware on his phone? Keylogger on his computer?

Spyware on phone. Getting it today. Right now I am literally shaking trying to decide what to do next. I really feel like I just need to call this girl in other city but I am scared too. Also, I really just want someone to tell me what they think about this coworker situation. I don't know why i need someone to tell me what I already know, i guess i just like other peoples take on it to make me feel like i am not crazy.

boo, my WH had an affair with a co-worker as well and I understand the uncertainty that you feel. That being said, do not let fear rule your actions. You need to find out the truth about what is going on. I would recommend a VAR in your WH's vehicle as well as the spyware on the phone. This will catch any conversations he has on the phone with her or if she is in the car with him. It was only through hearing the hard proof with my own ears was I able to know what was going on and have no more self doubt.

Your WH is a huge flirt with no boundaries (just as mine was)and it is very likely he is having an affair with one or more co-workers.

Slow down, take a deep breath. Make a list of actions to take and don't let fear get in the way.

And no, I wouldn't bother calling girl in city. She will just lie to you and add to your self-doubt. Been there, done that.

I would second that. It is important for you at this stage to snoop as discreetly as possible. If your husband knows you are snooping and questioning people, he may take his business further underground. Just take the keylogger and the var for the time being. You can always use the girl as a last resort, but chances are, her loyalty lies with your husband, rather than with you.

Thanks Rocketqueen! I just really want to know the truth about what happened all those years he was in other city. I guess me thinking calling her would at least give me peace of mind.

He has not contacted the co worker nor has she contacted him using his cell phone since I found the sticky note. I have a feeling that the reason she ran to their supervisor was to cover her butt and so her husband wouldn't find out. I also think that my husband was trying to help cover for her and that her taking things out on him is because she is mad at him for trying to reconcile with me? Did I mention that 4 days after all this happened with the sticky note he was group texting with his "clan" at work, which includes her....is that wrong or is that just me? I don't know.

The other girl friend at work is constantly texting him about personal issues and the lingerie text really bothers me.

Rocketqueen...did you H talk about the OW or did he not mention her? Would he avoid you coming in contact with her?

He worked with many people but no, he never really mentioned her. He also worked 45 minutes away so I never went to his work. My husband's job was basically his SSL (secret second life).

You can find out the truth through a polygraph, should you decide to recover with him down the road.

Right now I really don't know what I want. I am tired of being told hateful, mean things regarding my affair and him not accepting that he has done (and from everyone thinks is still doing) anything wrong and I do not believe him.

1) get spyware and install on his phone
2) get VAR (you can get these at radio shack, best buy, etc) an plant somewhere in his car
3)......

Right now, just focus in getting info while being the best wife that you can be. Meet whatever EN's of his you can and avoid lovebusters (AO's, DJs, etc.)..

Well well well. I just found two condoms in a compartment in his truck. So now what?

Well well well. I just found two condoms in a compartment in his truck. So now what?

Put them back (wait, or are they used?) and continue on with your plan.

I'm sorry about the pain you are feeling but you are getting closer to the truth.

(hugs)

I think they are from the past with girl out of town due to the lot no and expiration date and where they were.

Ah yes, I remember the 'So what if we text constantly and we spend time together every day! That's just what friends do!"

Boo, I know its hard but you must trust your instincts.

You had an affair yourself. You know what an affair looks like. We know what an A looks like.

He's almost definitely having an affair.

Now that the dose of anti-gaslighting is administered, take a deep breath.

Can you snoop? Persistently and discreetly?

Can you act like nothing much is wrong while you do that?

You keep alerting your husband before the detective work is done.

Act happy and reassured and so get him to relax and slip up.

You still need to know WHO.

So don't go letting any cats out of bags until you've got the whole story.

It would be easy for him to lie his way out of this.

A PI could definitely get the goods you need here, boo. Can you sell something or loan money?

Friends also make good PI's

So a friend and I investigated te dates on the condoms and the condoms. They either come in 3 pack or 12 pack. They are really old. 2008. So based on the dates we narrowed it down to when e was out of town. Plus he never uses his truck for this job. In fact I drive it. He used his truck a lot when out of town to travel and forth and when he drive his work vehicle he left his in other city. So how in te world will I found out about 5 years ago and during 5 years?!

When you find the evidence and expose and then if you are on the road to recovery you can have him take a polygraph?