I'm just so depressed and fed up with this. Our house is off the market. he says he's looking for another job, but he isn't. The hospital has cut overtime, so now we are making less than usual and he is stressing. But he won't talk to me. And of course this means more hours at his second and, yes, third job. He does PRN at 2 other places. So this means more time away from home and more overnights. The paychecks come in, so i know he's working. But how do I know he isn't stopping to see her on the way home or to work? How can I believe him? We have no money. So I can't do a polygraph. I'm not lying when I say we have no money. We have enough for bills and food.

what kills me is that he won't talk to me about his problems and stress, but he was able to talk to her about them. That's why they were so close. he has NEVER talked to me about being stressed or worried or anything unpleasant at work. He says it's because he doesn't want to worry me or scare me. To me it just says that I'm not part of his life outside this house. I don't mean enough to him to open up to me. But in another text he says that he has been opening up to me and telling me but I just don't care. How can I show i care if he really isn't telling me anything? He is still being dishonest with me. He just goes around in circles around my statements.

He's been making statements about how he has to go to work because he's the only one making money. He's never said this before.I understand he's stressed because he isn't able to work as much overtime. But he should sit down and talk to me. Not make mean statements while walking out the door. I've been a stay at home mom. We have 3 kids all 1 year apart and started 4 months after being married. he was in the military and when he was home would never help out with the kids. he was a crappy dad and husband in the first years. he has come light years since then. But because of that I couldn't follow my dreams and go to college. Now we can't afford it. So I am stuck at age 33 with no skills and no way to bring in extra income. It will literally take me 3 weeks of working minimum wage to make what he makes in 1 night at his PRN job.

So he isn't saying it, but I should go get a job working at McDonalds because that's all I'm qualified to do, and be unhappy all day, then come home, cook, clean, and take care of the kids. Because it's my job and the kids job to do these things, not his. he works full time all day. he's tired when he gets home and just wants to sit and watch tv like he has done for 14 years. His job makes more money than mine so it's more important and I have no reason to be tired. I've held a few part time jobs, 2 were working at horse stables busting my butt and very tiring. But this was his answer. My job is just part time. i have more time ot do the household chores.when I work full time and make what he makes then I can complain about him no thelping.

Oh sure he has gotten better and has started helping out more. Every now and then these responses come up though and the Ahole comes out.

I'm sorry. i literally have no one to tlak to. i have no friends here. I go to church and people there talk to me, but not once in 5 years has one called me on the phone or invited me over (except for the traiter who decided she wanted to be best friends with the OW). So I guess it sounds like I deserve all this pain. I must be an awful person. The OW is super sweet and wonderful and everyone loves her. I guess he made the wrong choice when he decided to choose me.

Yes he makes a lot of money. But it all goes to bills. being in the military and moving and then losing a job and being without a job for 3 months and then living apart for a year and then owning 2 houses for a while racks up a lot of credit debt. We are in over our eyeballs. But we have enough to live on and be happy. But that isn't enough for him. It's enough for me and the kids, but nothing has ever been enough for him.

No one deserves to have their spouse cheat on them. You may be 50% responsible for the state of your marriage, but he is 100% responsible for his affair.

Can you put a GPS on his vehicle? A VAR in his vehicle? Do you check his phone to see whom he may be talking to?

We have verizon so I have his texts coming to my computer and I am the main account holder so I have the phone records. Nothing on the phone or facebook. I have checked both his truch and bike regularily and never found a burner phone. But he could be calling her from work. He won't take her number off his phone. he says he needs it to be able to keep a block on her number. That's bull. He keeps telling me that there has been no contact "with that individual". He gets upset though when I won't let him stay after work to do a bible study with a few of the men there. I told him he can't do anything without me or the kids present except for work. Of course now it seems he's working more die to his decrease in pay. I tried a GPS on his phone but it didn't work. I'm thinking of getting a recorder, but I doubt he'll do anything in his jeep. he's very intelligent. I just feel like he's still lying to me and keeping more from me. i feel like he's still seeing her, but I have absolutely no evidence. Just gut feeling. When he takes 20 extra minutes to get home, I wonder where he was. He tells me there was bad traffic. Of course I'm not in the vehicle so I don't know. What GPS would I be looking for and where would I find it?

Of course the fact that I don't believe him could just be due to the fact that he has lied to me for so long that I just cannot trust him or believe anything he says

Has anyone done the voice stress analysis test, it's a voice polygraph done over the phone?

Here you go GPS Units

He needs to change contact information. Have you ever driven to his job unannounced to see if he's there?

Did he write the OW a NC letter and you send it?

I have never driven to his job unanounced. He could be anywhere within the 4 miles of hospital. It is in a terrible part of town that I'm scared to drive through. So I've only been to his work a total of 3 times. I know setting myself up.

He did not write a NC letter. He called her against my wishes and ended it. Hasn't spoken to her since. Or so he says. It's been 4 months. I did not know about this site till well after he did that. I also never exposed to his family. I exposed to mine, exposed on FB so some of his family did see. But I feel that if I expose to his parents now it will set us back and seriously piss him off. How is that going to help our marriage? Or should I have him write something and send it to them in front of me. Tellin ghim I need him to do this to help our marriage recover?

Your marriage can survive his anger but not his affair.

So what do I write to them? Can it really survive his anger? i never told her family either as i do not know her or her family. I did speak to her husband, but he believes nothing happened and was fine with them being friends because she always told him where she was going and what she was doing. It wasn't kept a secret from him. So do i try to send something to her family as well? None of them live near here at all. From what i hear she isn't really on speaking terms with her family either. Plus if I send something now I'm afraid she'll issue harassment charges on me.

I really want to put this past us and get out of this deep depression that I am stuck in.

Expose to EVERYONE. All of them.

So what do I say so I don't get slapped with embarrassment charges. Especially since its been 4 months and she's telling everyone that they were just friends. They both swear there was nothing physical and no feelings. Just a friendship. So I'm the crazy paranoid wife.

What do I write in the letter to expose them?

Please read this.
Please Explain Gaslighting

Let's recap.

So you know he had an Emotional affair with this woman and she came to your house a handful of times, but they are trying to make you believe you're paranoid? And you never exposed their affair and OW's own BH told you he believes nothing happened? This is going on for four months and he hasn't given you just compensation? You live very close to OW and may have to see her at your kid's school? You just can't prove if they are still in contact, but he's acting distant from you? And you never exposed?

Is that about it?

I'm surprised you haven't suffered from PTSD.

Have you seen your doctor for some ADs?

How is the house for sale going? Job hunt?

Please tell us exactly what proof you have? Your friend's word?

Well that thread sure sounds familiar. Story of my marriage. But it usually ends in an apology. Unless its the, I never said that, or the, I told you last week 3 times, yet this is the first I've heard about it. He gets frustrated at me and says I have the memory of a goldfish.

However that isn't the issue here. She is the one who said I was being paranoid and this was 4 months ago. That's why I am afraid to contact her family as she will defend herself by saying that. She already had 4 months to say that exact thing at church. I believe the majority did not believe her though. I did expose the affair on Facebook immediately and to my family and some in the church, but not to his family or hers. I didn't know I was supposed to. I also didn't know it was an affair, I just knew he had lied to me about being friends with a woman for 6 months. I did some research and that's when I learned of EA's and this website.

Just compensation? Not sure what that is. H is usually being good about doing what I ask. Not goin anywhere without me or the kids. Letting me read his phone or tablet whenever. Accounting for time. But then there's the occasional outburst claiming he isn't allowed to have friends or a life outside work and this marriage. He isn't really acting distant from me. But I arch him in little lies every now and then. I just feel like he hasn't told me the whole truth. If it was innocent he never would have deleted her texts and messages immediately after receiving and sendin them. He covered all his tracks. Now he wants me to believe there was no PA. And she was alone at my house with him more than a handful of times. This was at least once a week for over 3 months. She started coming over in march and this ended June 23. But the "friendship started early Feb or late January.

My proof was phone records. That is all. Also his word. What he told me happened. As I said he deleted everything else. Also the word of my friend and copies from messages from her an a couple texts from the OW to her.

I have not spoken to the Ow since June. I messaged the oW husband in Aug and she sent me a text telling me to leave her family and friends alone. Then one of her friends, another former friend of mine and sister to the traitor friend, sent me a threatening text. I still have them.

Husband has rally been trying and ha been really good. But work stress is getting to him and he is not keeping his word about being open with me and sharing his frustrations and everything else with me. I've been a little distant because I just feel like something isn't right.

House is off the market. He is not looking actively for a job. There is no plan in place. There was no plan when the house was on the market. Just we hope to sell and find a job at the same time. Everything has to just fall into place. He knows I need to move away and says he is doing everything he can. Which happens to be nothing at all. Which is why I think something may be going on.

Please read this and listen to the clips.
What is Just Compensation?

As I've asked at least twice before.

What do I write to his family?
What do I write to OW family?

Or should I have him write to these people confessing what he has done. Making him expose it all. Honestly I think that will make me feel so much better. That would be Just compensation for me. It's like him screaming off a rooftop that he did something wrong.

There are some days in which he says he did something wrong, but occasionally he will say he didn't do anything wrong, except for having a friend. Not a female friend, but just a friend. He says he will not have any friends ever again. So he really still is only just telling me what I want to hear.

It needs to be exposed. Will your WH be honest and tell his and your family the truth?

Excellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark