Very sorry to hear this

Agree with markos and Prisca x100000.

I think it would be foolish to ignore this advice, given your WW's history

Pius, I am working and don't have the time to pull quotes from your last couple of posts but you are using the language of an enabler.

You are going to help keep your WW wayward. Is that what you want?

Never NEVER shield a wayward from the consequences of their actions. It will ONLY backfire on you.

Pius,

I'm very sorry to hear about the current breach in your marriage by your WW. Have a lot of people I promised to offer prayers for, but you will be on my list.

However, as a couple of others have stated, you are now dealing with a WW in an elevated category - repeat cheater (serial cheater). And, after only about six months from your last D-Day. That's total disrespect for you. IMHO, giving it a little time won't cut it for you. Attempting to tighten or add to EP's won't cut it at this point either. You need to expose again! Your WW needs to experience this fire. Consider the fact that all the time and your effort the past several months is naught now. If relatives feel that the marriage should end, well that is not their decision, altho that is a reasonable conclusion regarding a serial cheater. Their concern would be for your welfare.

Prayers for you, and I do hope you do not avoid the advice here.

Tom

That is not a good excuse to avoid exposure. It doesn't matter what people tell you, rather it matters what you tell them.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you are going to expose the affair and implement extraordinary precautions. If not, welcome to your future!

Your wife is not an accidental cheater, she is a serial cheater and this is her way of life. A timid, soft, girly approach will avail you nothing.

Do you want to save your marriage? Or do you want to be an enabler who is facing more affairs in his future?

You are hurting your wife and your children by being an enabler. Enablers don't make it.

Time to expose is now.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

I agree with Prisca, you need to think of this as an addiction.
(others give the mindset of an Alien inside their spouse.)


Uproar is great. It means they hate the addiction. It means that they still love her. It means that they would still support someone that loves her and has a plan to pull her through this.

Pius your wife is a serial adulteress and the dynamic is somewhat different to a garden variety affair. She is not addicted to one specific person - she is addicted to infidelity itself.

Recovery is going to be difficult. You need every bit of help you can get. Somebody here can probably round up some links for you to radio shows about serial infidelity, but please write Dr. Harley and talk to him directly about your specific situation.

This is not something where you need to attempt recovery on your own. Use the resources God is giving you.

Big red flag that you used this language.

Recovering with a multiple offender, never mind a wayward who went LOOKING for an affair, is ALL ABOUT implementing EPs. I have talked to Dr Harley about this and have listened to a ton of his radio shows where he discusses it. Your lifestyle should be set up to where cheating would be almost impossible for your WW.

She probably shouldn't have internet access and if she does it should only be while you are right there with her. What is plan regarding this? What about her phone, what kind does she have and does she have internet access there?


Dr Harley discusses this in one of his serial cheater radio clips. He says it is very common for a serial cheater to be willing to agree to almost anything and beg for another chance after being caught, yet again. My own WxH did the same thing - and had yet another affair. So these words mean nothing.

I hope I am wrong but don't think it's an accident that you did not list out what extra EPs your WW was willing to agree to. Please come back and tell us.

Of course the BW of POSOM needs to be told. Today.

This NEVER should have been discussed with your WW to begin with. I am in shock that you would even question this as a BS yourself. And if you don't expose to her, you become a partner in the crime being commited against her.

And it needs to be said that it is another that your WW doesn't want you to expose to her. Those are the actions of a WAYWARD - not someone who is remorseful.

BrainHurts posted multiple links to radio segments about serial cheaters in my thread about my WW.

LTL

Thanks for the reminder LTL.

Please read this Pius and listen to the clips at the end.
Serial Cheaters

I believe the radio show yesterday addressed Pius' email to Dr Harley. He has caught his wife in yet another affair after she posted an ad on Ashley Madison. Dr Harley told Pius that his marriage is over and he needs to a) expose her affair and b) divorce her.

Apparently, she is playing the suicide card to prevent him exposing. Dr Harley told him to expose the affair and file for divorce. The clip is around 40:00.

Yikes, I will have to listen :-( Things have been tough lately for sure.

It is right here, around the 40:00 mark: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=6375

Thanks Melody, I'll be listening to this shortly.

URGENT advice requested. I want to expose to OM's wife but OM is ex military and I fear he may be violent and seek revenge against me. I was thinking I could ask his wife not to reveal her source and to do her own investigation. However she may not listen. Thoughts? Is this a realistic fear?

Pius, I'd say that's a very typical fear, but not very realistic.

My position is that any time you are worried somebody might do you physical harm, you need to alert the police. If OM actually makes any threats against you, alert the police and ALSO seek a restraining order. That outcome would actually be wonderful, Pius, because you can typically get a judge to issue a restraining order keeping OM away from you and your entire family - including your wife!

PLUS, if OM makes any threats, that is yet another reason why you will need to MOVE. For recovery you will need to get yourselves far away from him for many reasons, and this can be one of them.