On FB, you can select the Privacy Settings to whatever type of viewer can see the Friends list, or individual friends. Best to allow no one to be able to view the family members you want to shield from blowback.

During UA time, there should not be any R discussions. It is to be Enjoyable Recreation time fulfilling EN's.

LTL

Thanks LTL, okay her exposure is done. I appreciate the help with how to hide things on FB!

I figured about the UA time. Makes sense. Just fun time (tough to think of doing that right now, but I WILL!).

Blindsighted, did you also re-expose this to your daughters? They need to know their father has continued his affair despite all your pain and your efforts to recover. Ask them to put pressure on their father to end his disgraceful affair with the OW immediately. A father's adultery very much affects daughters, because they often feel the adultery also betrays them.

Is everything regarding your finances completely transparent to you? Do you have passwords to every single account? Do you regularly monitor them? Have you checked your credit reports? You should make sure you see the monthly statements for every financial account.

That is exactly the truth. No talking about the affair during UA time.

Yes LWFH and now there is new news. I sent out 62 exposure messages through FB and got six responses from her friends, but NONE from her family (at first...I have now gotten one...but keep reading).

I told my husband how I thought it so odd that her family did not even respond asking me to stop, and my husband then proceeded to admit to me that he borrowed someone's cell phone at work and left a message on her home phone to warn her of the exposure!!!!

We had both been reading on here, we had BOTH made the decision to expose. He brought it up! And now this.

I cannot afford a polygraph until at least this coming week, and with that, we will not be able to pay the budgeted bills if I pay for the poly instead. Seems that is what I have to do though, right?

As for the family member's response, it was only one of her sons. His message looks like he copied it off of FB's policy. It came from the son and is not a message from FB. I did not get this message until 4 hours after the last exposure went out, so all damage did get done, and I got receipts for each $1 charge to my inbox. I sent them at least 3 minutes apart like it said to do in Melody's exposure thread.

..(copied from FB inbox)...Facebook does not tolerate bullying or harassment. We allow users to speak freely on matters and people of public interest, but take action on all reports of abusive behavior directed at private individuals. Repeatedly targeting other users with unwanted friend requests or messages is a form of harassment.

Sorry, I haven't kept up with your full thread, Blindsighted. Just so that I am sure I understand correctly: Your husband called the OW?s house?

I THOUGHT that he realized. I really did. Obviously, I was wrong.

Today I told him that we may have to decide for him to quit his job with my brother and now work only with me. If he does that, there is a large chance that we will face financial ruin, as the bills from pre-D-Day are still way too high for my business to support them all.

But what do we do? Choose to save us? Or choose to save our finances? If we get a divorce, our finances will face certain ruin.

Another idea that we had is to buy a voice activated recorder that he must leave on from the second that he pulls out of our driveway each day to the second that he returns. They make tiny ones now for about $150 and he IS willing to do this.

I also suggested that if we did that, the very first time that it "malfunctions" and doesn't record, he quits his job that day.

I just don't know if that is enough for me now. Even if it "malfunctions" one time, I will never be certain that he hasn't lied to me and made contact with her again.

He also said that he is willing to sign a post-nuptual agreement signing everything over to me including his retirement account, if he makes ANY contact with her ever again.

What do you all think?

We both heard you loud and clear. He is outside cutting up a tree from that snowstorm that we had the other day. After that, he is coming in and opening a screen name here and will make his first post.

Amen! Obviously it's all coming out now. I sure hope that this is ALL of it.

How do we make sure that all opportunity is gone? I've honestly been babysitting him like a hawk, and he has ACTED fine with it.

Rocket, I did sign up with spokeo, thank you very much for the tip.

LWFH, yes I had re-exposed to our daughters, and thanks to your tip, I also texted them today to let them know the new info about him warning her.

Thank you to all of you for looking out for me and for THINKING for me when I am so tired. I appreciate it more than I can type adequate words for.

Yes, he used someone else's phone at his work, so that I could not know. He admitted it to me that he called and left a message on her answering machine. HE states that he said "you're going to be exposed" and hung up. I have no way of verifying.

Your husband contacted the OW? Surely I am not reading this right.

The fact that he is still in contact with the OW would make me consider going into Plan B. He obviously didn't mean the no contact letter he wrote. This is all a sham.

Unfortunately, you read it right.

Should I do so immediately, Melody? I can do it right now this second if you think that is the only hope that we have.

Read my couple previous posts to see what else we talked about today. But if you tell me plan B right now, I'll do it.

He's supposedly read lots of MB material.

Yet he called her house.

I'd like to challenge him to come here and explain to me, just what part of "no contact" does he not understand? Maybe he & I can dialogue it out & get to the bottom of why he thought calling the OW would ever be an OK thing to do.

I am in shock that your husband is so brazen that he would accept your "forgiveness" and turn around and call the OW ............AGAIN!! You are nowhere close to being in recovery, my friend. You are just being played. And I am not sure why. A WS who will continually contact the OW after he KNOWS how devastated his spouse is, is downright dangerous. And certainly not sincere.

He lied to you about ending contact and is still in contact with her. That is Plan B time, my friend. This guy is not serious in any sense of the word.

Blindsighted, your husband's warning to the OW and her family is why MB strongly recommends exposure with NO warning. It's a completely unexpected tsunami wave of truth. Try not to worry about the response you received from OW's son. It's sad that a person would respond that way, but that is often the case with exposure. Your H and OW probably told them you were "nuts."

You are trying so hard to be nice and negotiate with your husband, but he's still foggy and addicted to OW. Don't negotiate with a wayward. You have to play "smart."

Have any of the people who responded said they would try and help? Can your family, each and every one of them, call your husband and tell him he's making the biggest mistake of his life? Will your daughters each call their father and tell him to stop his despicable behavior, that they hope and pray that their husbands never do this to them? I would ask them all to help you as much as possible by putting pressure on your husband to end his affair.

Meanwhile, Blindsighted, unless you can make absolutely certain that all contact has ended and your husband is accountable for the minutes of his day, you should be considering a dark separation. As long as your H contacts the OW, he will be emotionally unavailable to work on your marriage. His destructive behavior will quickly drain his account in your love bank. Also, the strain on you is going to ruin your health. At least start thinking of a plan - how you could finance a dark separation, where you would live, that kind of thing.

He just came inside this second and is begging me to please still let him post here and then see what you all say. What do you think I should do?

He cared more about forewarning the OW than he did his own marriage. That should tell you how serious this guy is.

How about bringing him here to speak to us? I am afraid for you now.

okay he is going to make a screen name right now and I will come here and post a link as soon as he makes his first post. I take it that it should be in surviving an affair and not here?

Tell him to explain to me why he thought contacting the OW is OK for a guy in his shoes? (Shoes I've walked in, by the way.) I wanna hear if he's planning to dress up as a tree stump for Halloween, or if he's actually as dumb as one. You can't recover from an affair untli you "get" (meaning: understand, internalize, and scrupulously adhere to) no contact, forever.