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Update:
Cell phone check indicated that WH started speaking to OW using her new cell phone number. This was at 2:00 AM, Saturday into Sunday. I blocked the new number, photographed then deleted the new messages, and handed him a suitcase... ok, THREW the suitcase at him. I then emptied his dresser into the suitcase in front of his eyes. He said I looked crazed. I didn't say a word. I then took the suitcase and threw it out the front door. I went back to the bedroom and took him by the hand and led him to the door, where I pointed that he should get out. He asked what was wrong with me. I held up his cell phone then collapsed on the floor in a pile of anxiety and tears.
He fell to his knees and started to sob. He begged me to let him stay. He said he was weak. He said she got the new number and contacted him in tears because her life was falling apart. He spoke to her to calm her down. It was only for a few days.... blah blah blah.
I let him stay for now, but he knows this is his last chance.
I was angry and hurt, so I called OW on the new number from our house phone. Naturally, she answered, thinking it was him. We had a nice little chat. She confirmed that there was no sexual contact aside from a simple kiss at the airport... consistant with his record of their only visit together. She was angry with him and spilled the beans about a few of his lies. I feel like I have another chunk of the puzzle filled in now and I can see most of the picture. She was so angry with the details I gave her about how GOOD our marriage had been. He never told her that. He told her our marriage was mostly over. She told me that she was done with him. She wanted nothing to do with a liar like him. Ironic, isn't it?
Anyway... that's where I am. Yeah, that's what my now XH's OW said, too....claimed she was "done with him" a good 20 or so times before he finally left her! Don't trust her.
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Sorry to hear about this, BB  He has demonstrated over and over and over again that he does not have the willpower to stay away from this POSOW so what is going to be done to prevent contact into the future? What is going on with his phone?
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Sorry to hear about this, BB He has demonstrated over and over and over again that he does not have the willpower to stay away from this POSOW so what is going to be done to prevent contact into the future? What is going on with his phone? He has offered to get rid of the phone permanantly, but I'm afraid that will inspire him to get a throw away phone. We decided to change his phone number and put a restriction on his calls. Our plan allows me to place a "white list" on his account with the few numbers he is allowed to call or text. All other numbers are blocked. It will keep him honest... I hope.
Me: BW - 37 years old
WH - 40 years old, first offense
D-Day: 8/3/13
Married 11 years
DD#1 - 6 yrs.
DD#2 - 5 yrs, Autsim
Trying to save the marriage. Plan A. WH going thru Detox.
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Remind me, this is the fourth broken NC or is it the fifth? And how is it they keep breaking NC? Is it through the cell phone each time?
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Update:
I let him stay for now, but he knows this is his last chance. Didn't he think that the last time he broke NC ? Didn't he plead and beg the last time too ? I don't think he is remotely serious about recovery. Brainy, where is that "enabling" link ?????
me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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Sorry to hear about this, BB He has demonstrated over and over and over again that he does not have the willpower to stay away from this POSOW so what is going to be done to prevent contact into the future? What is going on with his phone? He has offered to get rid of the phone permanantly, but I'm afraid that will inspire him to get a throw away phone. We decided to change his phone number and put a restriction on his calls. Our plan allows me to place a "white list" on his account with the few numbers he is allowed to call or text. All other numbers are blocked. It will keep him honest... I hope. Changing the phone # and putting spyware on his phone will help a lot. A good cell phone spyware program will have a built in GPS too. But, you can't tell him you have done this. Will you do this? Some good ones are eblaster at spectorpro.com or flexispy at flexispy.com
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sorry to hear about this, BB He has demonstrated over and over and over again that he does not have the willpower to stay away from this POSOW so what is going to be done to prevent contact into the future? What is going on with his phone? He has offered to get rid of the phone permanantly, but I'm afraid that will inspire him to get a throw away phone. We decided to change his phone number and put a restriction on his calls. Our plan allows me to place a "white list" on his account with the few numbers he is allowed to call or text. All other numbers are blocked. It will keep him honest... I hope. I'm thinking it's about one time too many for your WH. He's demonstrated to you that he will figure out ways to remain in contact with his OW. I would suggest you go to Plan B.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Unfortunately, I have to agree with everyone. All you have done is let him know that there are no real consequences to him straying.
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Cell phone check indicated that WH started speaking to OW using her new cell phone number. This was at 2:00 AM, Saturday into Sunday. He did this in your home?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I was angry and hurt, so I called OW on the new number from our house phone. Naturally, she answered, thinking it was him. We had a nice little chat. She confirmed that there was no sexual contact aside from a simple kiss at the airport... consistant with his record of their only visit together. She "confirmed" nothing. They are both liar who simply coordinated their stories. The story about no sex is a lie. I am gong to predict right here and now that your husband is going to leave you for the OW if you don't get on the stick and get ahold of the OW''s husband. There is absolutely no way it takes this long to get ahold of a BS. You can't afford to put this off anymore. You MUST contact the OWH even if you have to drive to his town and go to his house.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I was angry and hurt, so I called OW on the new number from our house phone. Naturally, she answered, thinking it was him. We had a nice little chat. She confirmed that there was no sexual contact aside from a simple kiss at the airport... consistant with his record of their only visit together. She "confirmed" nothing. They are both liar who simply coordinated their stories. The story about no sex is a lie. I am gong to predict right here and now that your husband is going to leave you for the OW if you don't get on the stick and get ahold of the OW''s husband. There is absolutely no way it takes this long to get ahold of a BS. You can't afford to put this off anymore. You MUST contact the OWH even if you have to drive to his town and go to his house. I agree. Unless you are willing to get dead serious about killing this A, you might as well file for a D now.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Was there ever an NC letter sent to this OW?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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You've had what? 4-5 D-Days? How long are you going to keep doing the same thing (BELIEVING HIM) before you make any real changes here? You are backsliding.
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then collapsed on the floor in a pile of anxiety and tears. THIS is why you need Plan B---to protect YOU and your emotional health. If you can't do it for yourself, can you at least do it for your kids ?
me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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BB, go back and re-read this thread. Doing so will help you see more clearly where you're at. You've been in denial about your WH's role in this mess and you haven't been that tough with him. Go back and re-visit everything that's been said here. It might help you wake up a little more.
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And collapsing and sobbing is pretty lame on his part. Good heavens, what dramatics! I would NOT let him have even one second of feeling sorry for himself. Because he does and it's unacceptable.
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