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okay he is going to make a screen name right now and I will come here and post a link as soon as he makes his first post. I take it that it should be in surviving an affair and not here? SAA is fine. He sure is not in recovery!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wife & I are going out for steak. I'll be back later to talk to TreeStump. Which would be a good username for him.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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okay he is typing now. I set him up on my work laptop so that I can still post here too.
He has to type one-handed due to losing fingers on his left hand, so he takes a minute. I told him to make a fast introductory post and then I will link it here.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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I can see him. Dumbman, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know it is water under the bridge, but do you see now why you should never tell a WS about exposure?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can see him. Dumbman, right? Hahaha, yes I do believe that is him! Too bad I didn't read GloveOil's idea for a screen name first. Melody and Glove, and all of you....I love you, you just made me laugh. THANK YOU!
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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I know it is water under the bridge, but do you see now why you should never tell a WS about exposure? oh definitely, Melody. Not a very smart excuse for me to say this...but it was almost HIS idea! The other day as soon as he admitted to phone contact until Sept 19th, HE told me that we needed to start everything from scratch and do a nuclear exposure. And HE told me that he would write that NC letter on the spot. I'm soooo stupid to have believed him!
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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I know it is water under the bridge, but do you see now why you should never tell a WS about exposure? oh definitely, Melody. Not a very smart excuse for me to say this...but it was almost HIS idea! The other day as soon as he admitted to phone contact until Sept 19th, HE told me that we needed to start everything from scratch and do a nuclear exposure. And HE told me that he would write that NC letter on the spot. I'm soooo stupid to have believed him! And it was a SHAM. It meant nothing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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What will stop him from going to work tomorrow and calling the OW again?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What will stop him from going to work tomorrow and calling the OW again? Nothing. One idea was a VAR on his person at all times. I already have the GPS at all times. But I don't know any more if I want that total worry, to be honest with you (worrying about if it malfunctions and I can't believe him). Which is why I suggested that he has to quit his job with my brother and work for me. I will only be able to afford to pay him half of what he is making now. And we will run the risk of going under financially due to his A. But if we D then we face certain financial ruin. He DID say earlier that he would do a post-nup and agree to signing over everything to me if he ever contacts her again. He has a sizable retirement account. I could negotiate the pre-nup that he has to retire now (he is totally vested) and take that $ as a lump sum to put into an IRA. So if we later divorce, I could take all of that $.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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I know it is water under the bridge, but do you see now why you should never tell a WS about exposure? oh definitely, Melody. Not a very smart excuse for me to say this...but it was almost HIS idea! The other day as soon as he admitted to phone contact until Sept 19th, HE told me that we needed to start everything from scratch and do a nuclear exposure. And HE told me that he would write that NC letter on the spot. I'm soooo stupid to have believed him! BS, I am trying to get caught up on your thread but you MUST STOP viewing this very foggy wayward as someone who has your best interest at heart. Do NOT believe a word that comes out of his mouth, do you understand me? It is very clear from the little bit that I have read that he is using your kindness and trust against you.
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Is everything regarding your finances completely transparent to you? Do you have passwords to every single account? Do you regularly monitor them? Have you checked your credit reports? You should make sure you see the monthly statements for every financial account. Yes, I now have everything LWFH. All passwords, all balances. Yes to credit reports but his is trashed due to pre-A. I do see all of the monthly statements.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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I know it is water under the bridge, but do you see now why you should never tell a WS about exposure? oh definitely, Melody. Not a very smart excuse for me to say this...but it was almost HIS idea! The other day as soon as he admitted to phone contact until Sept 19th, HE told me that we needed to start everything from scratch and do a nuclear exposure. And HE told me that he would write that NC letter on the spot. I'm soooo stupid to have believed him! BS, I am trying to get caught up on your thread but you MUST STOP viewing this very foggy wayward as someone who has your best interest at heart. Do NOT believe a word that comes out of his mouth, do you understand me? It is very clear from the little bit that I have read that he is using your kindness and trust against you. Nope, not believing anything now. Thank you Susie. I am willing to kick him out tonight if you all tell me that is what needs to happen. I am also willing to make him live 24/7 with me, quit his job and work for me if you think there is ANY hope at all. This is WAY THE HECK bigger than anything I've ever had in my life, even ovarian cancer. I am numb and in a nightmare right now, but I am NOT weak. I will do what you say.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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Don't negotiate with a wayward. You have to play "smart."
Have any of the people who responded said they would try and help? Can your family, each and every one of them, call your husband and tell him he's making the biggest mistake of his life? Will your daughters each call their father and tell him to stop his despicable behavior, that they hope and pray that their husbands never do this to them? I would ask them all to help you as much as possible by putting pressure on your husband to end his affair. Backing up to reply to this. What do you mean LWFH by playing "smart"? I have been trying to follow MB but that is because I thought that he was being honest. Now by "smart" do you mean that I call all of the shots and no more POJA until I (hopefully) am certain that he has NC? Or do you mean that I don't tell him anything that I am thinking? Sorry to be so naive, I AM naive obviously...I need it spelled out please. Yes, I asked my girls to call and neither of them want to get into the middle of it. Same with other family members. After 33 years, everyone loves both of us. Everyone is sorry for us. Everyone wishes us the best. Everyone is staying out of it. 
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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Walk in there and tell him to stop playing the dumb and stupid card. You can tell him it won't work here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Who is the "friend" whose phone he used to call the OW? Can you drive over there and take a look at his phone log?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What will stop him from going to work tomorrow and calling the OW again? Nothing. One idea was a VAR on his person at all times. I already have the GPS at all times. But I don't know any more if I want that total worry, to be honest with you (worrying about if it malfunctions and I can't believe him). Which is why I suggested that he has to quit his job with my brother and work for me. I will only be able to afford to pay him half of what he is making now. And we will run the risk of going under financially due to his A. But if we D then we face certain financial ruin. He DID say earlier that he would do a post-nup and agree to signing over everything to me if he ever contacts her again. He has a sizable retirement account. I could negotiate the pre-nup that he has to retire now (he is totally vested) and take that $ as a lump sum to put into an IRA. So if we later divorce, I could take all of that $. I wouldn't do a post-nup. But I would be brainstorming to find ways to affair proof your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I should clarify my previous post. My brother was cheated on and left high and dry last year, and so he IS trying to help in any way possible (and is a wonderful support for me right now).
He is reading my thread and just called to tell me that he is willing to hire a laborer that has to ride with my H to all jobs, and this laborer will report to my brother each day about my husband's every move.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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Who is the "friend" whose phone he used to call the OW? Can you drive over there and take a look at his phone log? No idea Melody, but I did just go in and tell him to stop playing dumb and stupid. He looked at me wondering what I was meaning, if that helps at all. As for the friend, it was someone he worked with at that job on that day. Should I tell him that I get to go there on Monday and look at it, and if I see her number and HOW LONG they talked, then he gets to stay? And if I don't get to see it, then he is out of here?
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good!
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