Stop, I'm sorry to hear that you are still involved in the drama. Do you realize that you have allowed his cake eating for going on 2 years now?

We have told you time and time again to go into plan B. if you are serious about doing it this time by going completely dark, I am still available to be your IM.

RQ, can you PM me? I will give you my email address. I need help. I really don't want a divorce. For 4 months we didn't talk, then he wanted to talk and I fell right back in and now he filed. I think it was a knee jerk reaction but he still filed. I don't want this at all. The Total Silence on my part WAS working, then the trigger... He just kept saying he didn't sign anything but he had to have if I got papers. I have to call some lawyers tomorrow, I am contesting it if only to drag it out. He even said who knows if he will regret it in a month or a year that he has at times already.. what the ... he makes no sense and I know it's because I've listend to the crazy for way too long...

ANd is this really drama anymore? He filed, doesn't that pretty much end the drama? It's over. Right?

Contact the mods and tell them to give me your email.

You can drag out the divorce, but talk to the lawyer and find out your options.

Be prepared to change your phone numbers, emails and any other way your WH can reach you.

It will be quiet here today but hopefully some more savvy posters will stop by with some advice.

ok I did.. I am so confused... I don't want this at all...

Email sent

Can you name OW in your D proceedings?

I don't know. He wanted to try and slide by with an uncontested internet quicky divorce. I have proof. Aside from that they are out in the open, I have texts and pics her husband sent me in 2011...

You're going to talk to a lawyer, correct?

Ask your lawyer.

Stop, are you ready to go dark, friend?

I am dark. My mind isn't. Ugh. I just dont want this.

I am going to pamper myself. I went out on Sat, got some cupcakes and junk food while I was with friends, slept early.. tomorrow is my bday, will get some more cupcakes lol (I will be alone) and celebrate ME.

I can't help but hope he wakes up. I also know it's probably too late if he's doing this now and has decided to be with her is easier. I know that as more days go by with no contact I will think of him and what I PERCEIVE (because come on, how he's treated me isn't great) as a loss will feel less and less... I know this.. but the heart isn't listening to me yet lol..

Happy birthday, StheBS...

I need to eat well and sleep. I plan to use the next few weeks creating a realistic schedule for sleeping and eating and also adding time to spoil myself.

I have lived on the edge of my seat for so long now that it's all over and I am heading where I don't want to go, I am trying to regain NORMAL.

He really does not get the damage he did. No one does. They all think I wanted this as much as he did. He has convinced himself and everyone else this is so. He tried to tell me I wanted this too, but come on. Really? I don't even know what I want now too? lol..

So, going dark is a beautiful thing. I've been seeing an IC and working on letting him and this marriage go so I can move on. I've been learning alot about myself, unrelated to this situation as well. Before I went dark, I said I wanted to sit down and talk that leaving this the way it was isnt good idea. I think though I wanted to sit down because I was thinking that I could have an influence, I was STILL on the "lets fix this" track. I give up now. I don't care if we fix it or not. I love him. I want to save our marriage, but I have done all I could do and all he did was fog babble, double talk and cake eat while rewriting our marriage and changing his "story" every few days or weeks. First he was so miserable he could never come back then it was he was never miserable but poop happens and he just wants to move on. I love the distance/detachment and being in counseling. I will catch you up on the past month or 6 weeks or so ... Not saying it doesn't still hurt because it does, but it's more like I am seeing this as an outsider and not a participant...

After I got the papers I freaked out. On my birthday he called me and left a message about how he wishes me happy things. I texted after I listened: Don't you think this is a mixed message? He responded, did you think I would forget your birthday, I said yes. Isn't he SUPPOSED to forget it? WTH? I also said lets talk. I was still in my own fog (its more of a mist for me now lol). He just ignored me since my birthday. Last week, he got some very serious looking notices from the state, each one looking more important. I texted a quick, hey you have mail from xyz it looks serious, where would you like me to drop it off? No comment. Next day I texted again, said these letters look serious, if you're not concerned I won't be either and will discard them. Please respond, I give up, this is not a ploy to get a response from you. He left a voicemail. I swear he is not only in a fog but he's living in the past... I have NO idea what he read in those simple lines honestly but I got this voicemail ... my friend heard it and told me to tell him to go f himself and to just move on with my life, I plan to let my IC hear it as well. His tone, his attitude AND that he addressed nothing I actually said and seemed to respond like I was upset or begging for something made me listen a few times to be like what in Gods name did he hear? I even went and read the texts to see what I may have "implied" without realizing. Nothing, It was to the point. It was formal. His response was full of sighing and put upon arrogance, like geesh I have to tell her AGAIN how we're done. He said he was afraid what to say because I read into things (um, just wanna know where to send your mail) and he says the wrong things (SIGH) and how he just wants me to be happy (SIGH) and how he heard I am in counseling and how he's so sorry but he's glad I am getting help for myself (SIGH) and how he wanted to stop hurting me and this is the only way to stop that and he knows I will end up happy in my life and (SIGH) how he's glad I have a job I love and that I will end up fine and he knows I will find happiness... HUH? Ok, but where would he like me to send his mail? I ended up writing NOT AT THIS ADDRESS across the front and leaving it for the mailman. He also said he knows I wanted to sit down and talk and we can do that, but he really just wants my happiness and he will always care about me just because we aren't together doesn't mean he doens't care about me.. SIGH...

So.. I am not sitting down with him... Not here, not there, not anywhere (hehe)... To discuss what? He won't even hear me. He didn't even hear my question. I have NO clue what that speech was about or what warranted it... OMG.. do they all get so caught up in their own denial bubble they really DONT know time moves on and things change and they STILL hear your OLD words and nothing else? I am beginning to feel sorry for him actually. What else in his life does he not see clearly?

Text messaging is not "dark plan B" or any type of plan b
Plan B is NO CONTACT

I am really not in a plan anymore. We are getting divorced. There is nothing I can do about it. He just doesn't love me anymore. We are in plan D, he filed, it's in process, there is no going back.

And I contacted him for that mail, I didn't press it. ANd as a matter of fact, it made me realize that I don't care anymore. I am tired of that tone, tired of his behavior, just plain old tired. I am lifting not a finger to help him with this divorce but I am not fighting for our marriage anymore. It's over. I know this now.

yes RQ that is what I have done all this time. I heard him this time and was disgusted. By him and his behavior and tone and the fact I did not file myself 2 years ago. I banged my head on a wall all this time and for what? To ultimately get what I was fighting to avoid. I should never have tried.

Going dark is for me to heal... going to IC is for me to heal. I shouldn't have contacted being dark, but the outcome is... I threw up a little. He is a pathetic cheater who not only lies to evryone he lies to himself. He isn't going to change, he never wanted to save this marriage. ANd if I am or was the glue bonding them then I will wish him well when it ends but I won't be there and I will never take him back now. And it's not because I broke NC it's because NC's silence showed me what a complete idiot he is and how we never would have gotten anywhere. She can have him. He deserves her. I am too good for him.