I return after some years of absence with something very troubling. My husband has returned to viewing pornography and I need advice. He is watching it, lying with excuses to be alone and trying to hide the internet history. I'm fearful of confronting because I know he'll push the blame towards me for not having enough sex with him. Am sickened over this return behavior pattern and don't want him to touch me. What should I do? He promised he would never go back to his old ways.

I would begin by confronting him immediately and coming up with a plan to prevent him from ever using porn again. For example, he can either stay off the computer or you can place some software on it that will prevent him from ever doing it again.

Secondly, you should read your thread again and follow the advice that will help you create a romantic marriage. If he wants you to have sex with him, he needs to help you create the environment that will help you desire SF with him. Obviously he is not doing a good job of meeting your needs and this needs to be resolved.

He has to commit to an exclusive sexual relationship with you. What do you mean by not having "enough sex" with you? Your sexual relationship should be mutually enjoyable in every way, including frequency. If you don't feel like having sex at a certain high frequency, you shouldn't. You should meet his needs in a way that you enjoy too.

Sometimes one of my children come to me and say that a brother or sister called them "stupid."

I always ask them "Are you stupid?"

They always answer no.

Then I teach them that they shouldn't spend time with someone who says disrespectful and judgmental things to them, even if it is their own brother or sister.

He can say you are to blame, but you aren't.

Looking at porn is a choice he made, and not something you caused him to do. If he blames you for it, that is ABUSIVE and you should not tolerate it.

I can tell you what my wife would do if I were looking at porn - she would let our extended family and church know what I was doing, and she would change the locks. She certainly wouldn't waste any time on a discussion where I judge her for my own offensive behavior.

As MelodyLane said, if he wants sex, there's a way to get it - building a romantic relationship with you. It's up to him. The information he needs on how to do that is all here for FREE.

I'd let him know that if he continues to look at porn he is going to lose you because you can't continue to tolerate that kind of pain.

Deep wounds, do you have spyware on your H's devices? I just reread your thread and see that your H had a long history of serial cheating and pornography. If he is hiding pornography use from you, I would be very concerned about what else he is hiding. I would get some spyware on his phone and computer and a VAR in his car asap.

I also notice you come once a year or so to give an update on the fact that your marriage is not happily recovered, but then do not respond to the posters who try to help you and just disappear. Are you serious about getting some help this time? These problems will not resolve themselves on their own.

I do not have any spyware on his devices but do try to monitor the best I can. How many times do we need to come up with a plan to prevent his porn use if all he needs to do is say he won't do it again? We come up with a plan that works for a while then it happens, then the apology, then another plan.. Such a vicious cycle that has destroyed me on so many levels.

I have trouble coming to this site often because I must hide that I am here. I have promised to make my life an open book with no secret activities. This is a secret activity and I feel really guilty being here. I must plot out and be very careful on when and how an opportunity to post can happen to not get caught.

DWounds, if he says he will not look at pornography and does it anyway, I think Dr. Harley would encourage you to start preparing for a separation.

I agree. If he has continued to break his plan then you need to plan to separate. Will you do this?