LOL on your IM.

Definitely find a more impartial party....not someone who goes camping with your WH!

If you still are needing an IM, I will be happy to volunteer.

Thanks LR.

I had a session with Steve this morning. He agreed that my IM was being more of a note pusher than a spam filter. However, my WH is not currently sending anything that would need a filter. Since our legal separation is not yet final, I have decided, with Steve's input, to hold off on getting a new IM. I don't want to appear to be making it difficult for my WH to contact me. Steve suggested I write a letter to my IM, further explaining why I am in Plan B.

I know the camping thing sounds odd, however my WH turned down the offer. I imagine he didn't want to go since he knew the IM would likely put pressure on him to end his affair (as he has talked to my husband about his action previously).

However, once a separation agreement is in place I will likely get a new IM. I may be taking you up on your offer at that time.

Just checking in. I have been in plan B well over a month now. No real leaks in my darkness. I guess I am feeling better. I struggle with wanting to plan C and be over all the drama and at the same time I know that plan C will not eliminate drama but rather create it, since we would be in contact and likely conflict.

We started a new school with the boys (kindergarten and preschool) and so far everything has been handled through the IM. We have a hearing at the end of the month for separation. I have received no support or help with our mortgage or bills. He did ask for one of our TVs, to which I did not respond to the text from our IM.

My husband is still acting like an alien. Most friends/family that learn he has not given me a dime are shocked.

Have you seen a lawyer? Is there a separation agreement?

What Plan B self-care are you doing for yourself?

Does he see the kids?

I have seen a lawyer and filed for separation. The separation hearing is set for the end of this month. So no agreement in place, other that what was stated in my PBL. He is following the custody arrangement I spelled out in that letter (he is not however following the child support I stated in the letter).

So yes he does see the kids. Two evenings a week and 2 overnights every other weekend. Pick ups are done from school and drop-offs at our house. I hear him pull into the driveaway and I crack the front door at that time (so he knows I am there) and then the boys walk their selves in. I hide away in our room so I cant hear of see my WH.

He sent me a spreadsheet (through the IM) that he compiled, splitting up the value of our assets and monthly budgets. He wants me to work with him on that part to avoid too much hassle (ie. money) spent with a lawyer. I mostly agree to his values but I am not sure and need to get advice from my lawyer as to how to proceed.

As far as self care, I am painting more. I have been exercising more. A night out with friends every couple weeks. But to be honest, keeping up with the house by myself and starting the boys in school has been keeping me super busy.

Just updating...

We have our separation hearing scheduled for this week. I am very stressed about it. Seeing him. I miss him so much. Not the man he is being now, but the man and husband he was.

He is pushing for 50/50 custody to which I don't agree. I am not sure how this is going to go. I know our current visitation arrangement is above what the state mandates.

I know 50/50 is waaaaay more than he was spending with the kids before our separation. He was out of town a lot and working most evenings late. I guess I should be happy for the boys that he appears to be stepping up on being a parent. Too bad it wasnt when we were together.

I have an appointment with Steve tomorrow to go over my feelings. I know I just have to make it through this hearing and I will feel better. The anticipation stress is killer.

Have you made good documentation of his visitation?

He has only had three weekends so far. I have documented them.

That should help you. Have that ready and waiting -- he's not going to get 50/50 if he has seen them that sparingly. Courts like to keep things as they are.

Okay, so my WH and I seemed to have come to an agreement on custody and support. Nothing is signed yet, but verbally agreed to keep visitation as is. I have a question about writing in a clause for not allowing the AP around the kids. Has anyone has success with this? What was the approximate wording?

Many posters have had succes with this. That OW isn't allowed to be around the kids.

Do you know if you spell out the AP by name or just state no cohabitation for anyone of the opposite sex?

Some have done it both ways.

Some BS will put they can't bring the kids around anyone they are dating.

In my separation agreement, I have it spelled out that the WS could not have the children around the AP (full name), known felons, and any non-blood related persons of the OS.

Its been a couple months since I last posted. I don't really have much of an update. My Plan B is still very dark, not a crack. It is sometimes odd to think I haven't seen or talked to him in almost 4 months.

WH did finally have POSOSW around the boys. They went to a museum and stayed in a hotel with her and her children (per my oldest son). My WH husband didnt even explain to the children who she was. I had to explain to them that her kids were not their cousins (that is what my children were calling them)and that she was daddy's girlfriend and that it was wrong for him to have them all stay in a hotel together.

We still haven't signed anything on our separation agreement. I did put in the clause about him not having overnight guests of the opposite sex while the kids were present. He agreed.

I was the one whom filed for legal separation. I mostly don't understand why he has gone through the effort of hiring an attorney and fighting for more custody and pushing for settling our assets and why he is not filing for a divorce. It only make sense to me that he would file for a divorce (I will not). Why waste his money on a separation, if he ultimately doesn't want to be married to me?? My attorney can see no financial benefit to him waiting. Wayward fog brains are so confusing!!!

Can anyone see why he wouldn't file for divorce? Is it because he would have to make a decision, as I have been the one making the overt decisions in our separation?

I guess I also would love some advice on how to remove thoughts of dating from my head. Logically, I very much DO NOT want to date. I am married. I want to reconcile with my husband. This would not turn out good for anyone, etc. But I do let the thoughts creep in of my potential future without my husband, which lead to thoughts of other men. Grrr. I still love my husband and this is quite confusing. Perhaps it is the desire to feel desirable??

I do best avoiding these thoughts when reading my bible or reading this sight, but I can't do these things all the time. Any advice?

He wants YOU to do the divorce so you can be the bad guy. Most waywards just want to mess with their BS and have them be okay with scraps.

I know that is probably the case. I wonder if she will ever push him to file? She has supposedly divorced/divorcing her husband. I guess I just don't understand his lack of logic. He WAS such a logical person. It is just crazy how the foggy brain works.

Why are you waiting to sign and get the separation on record? It is to your benefit to do so. If there is no legally binding agreement, your WH can still bring your children around OW or other overnight guests. You have zero protection at this point.

My state automatically issues a Standing Order when D is filed; there is not such thing as legal separation. The Order addresses overnight guests and "overnight" is specifically defined as 10pm-7am. You may want to specify a time period so it is clear and doesn't give him room to abuse the clause...like she was just staying over really, really late to watch a movie...in my bedroom at 1am