My parents are both deceased but had I turned up at their home in the fog talking about confusion and dating other men, my parents would have said I could stay there one maybe two nights but then to stop acting immature and go home and save my marriage or file for divorce. They would not have allowed me to cake eat, wallow in confusion while hurting lots of people and ultimately making a mockery of marriage. And I guess I just don't understand how all these other people allowed it and turned the other way...

What did you tell his mom? Did you ask her to put pressure on the affair?

Not this time I didn't. But in the past, when this all first came out and I exposed I did. I also asked his sister in law and brother who all said they told him ONCE this was wrong and he should end it and that she is not even an appropriate partner for him etc he blew his top and they said they left him alone after that to figure it out. They welcomed her into their homes and all the while kept saying to themselves and each other but never to him how they knew this won't last but they don't see how this actually encouraged him to continue. And when I got the papers his mother was devastated and I asked, "do you think you want to get involved NOW?" and he yelled at her so she said I just need to sign them now and have no choice he wants this. But then said she doesn't take him seriously and we can remarry when he wakes up. NO I WILL NOT REMARRY HIM IF THIS GOES THROUGH.

They are inviting her to functions and telling him it's ok to bring her and her children... but they don't see this as actually helping them destroy our marriage because they claim well he would still be with her anyway we might as well allow her to come here or we won't see him. HELLO... that might have actually made him see the wrong he's done... I just don't understand people at all.

I'm so sorry SBS.

So are you going to let the D drag out? Has OW filed D yet?

When the 3rd D-Day came, her husband ran and filed and got the divorce. Got custody of the children and the house too. She makes it seem to everyone INCLUDING my WH that SHE filed, SHE got the divorce, SHE did all this for HIM. I told him a while back to go to the courthouse and see the paperwork to learn the TRUTH, he never did. Funny isn't it? All her lies are so easily exposed and he doesn't want to see them or look for them, he wants to "TRUST" her... she who lied and cheated on her husband with my wh, he believes CAN be trusted lmao!

Yes I am letting it drag out, I am refusing the sign the papers.

I am hoping that one of us will wake up.. either he will wake from the WH Fog or I will wake from the BW fog... the stalemate will then end either way. By me filing myself or by him realizing his mistake and making amends. As time goes on, I think it will be me who wakes up first.

So do it. A pixie isn't going to come along with a wand and do it for you. Stop all contact and heal.

I agree with Indie, You have to still take care of you. I do not see how you can do this in your present situation.

I am sorry you are going through this but you can't just sacrifice who you are in the process. If you want any chance of him waking up the only way to do that is remove yourself and If he sees you are gone and misses you It will help you in the long run one way or the other.

Clay

x2. I've been tellingyou this for how long?

I know, I know. And for the most part we have no contact. There were just those 2 times and his mom.

I am in IC now and I am hoping to be able to just move on and sign these papers.

I'm sorry, what? That is not mostly no contact. That is up to your neck in contact.

Would you stay in such contact with your rapist? Because it's the same type of trauma trigger.

You are FULLY aware of everything going on in the mind of your rapist. You give your rapist full permission to waltz into your life whenever the mood takes him so he can torment you in whatever fashion pleases him and his accomplice best.

It wasn't me who said the following:



These insults and wounds from his family are going to keep happening again and again through this door you insist on leaving open. Close the door for the love of sanity.



Being in IC is perfectly useless while you insist on remaining under attack. Not to disparage her, I am sure she is a lovely person to chat to, but how can she help someone who won't help themselves?

So your plan, is to keep getting wounded and insulted by your attacker - but every now and then show those wounds to an IC?

Does that make sense to you when some simple actions can STOP these attacks?

Do start living up to your username.

So.. last night I got a text from my soon to be xMIL... Inviting me to Thanksgiving. I declined. I said it would be weird and awkward for me but to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving for me. Why would she invite me? Doesn't she realize we have no hope to reconcile? Does she want ME to be uncomfortable when him and the POSOW come or are they not invited? Or is she trying to make the POSOW uncomfortable? I dunno... either way I declined. Why are they trying now? This is the 3rd Thanksgiving of our separation... and the first time she invited me. WTH?

I actually thought that until he filed the papers no one thought it would go this far. They did nothing to help me. They let him "find himself"... well he found himself straight to her bed/apt/life and then made a beeline to a divorce lawyer. It's far too late NOW to try and push us back together don't ya think? SMH...

And honestly... the ONLY way I can see the scenario of me and her being at the same Thanksgiving dinner is that it would end badly, in drama and a fight... a fight where the POSOW makes ME leave or demands I leave and my POSWH telling me to get the F--- out of his mothers house because I don't belong there. He told her to take my pictures down because they upset POSOW and to never speak to me for the same reason... she is just pot stirring isn't she...??

My cell phone number is being changed in Feb. Its work phone and it's published. I explained the situation to my manager and she is re-publishing a new number but we have to make sure people no longer use this one before we retire it completely. Soon... I will get no more pokes from any member of his family. Or him. And no more "private caller" hang ups (I know it's most likely POSOW, but no proof)

And I keep telling myself... one day... I won't care anymore. Me and him have not seen each other in 6 months because I refuse to see him... and we have not spoken since I got the papers and he gave me the speech along with his shock we won't be "friends" now. Why do they want to stay our "friend"... they don't even like us. Why would they want to be "friends" with someone they have such little regard for? I won't be friends with someone who crapped all over me every chance they had... and he says I did that and it's why we are like this... (yes he did it to me even worse) and its why I won't be his friend.

Ok that was it. The rest of the day is WH free for me. No more thoughts.. got a new bed and new bedding... makes a huge difference... now off to run errands... Hope you're all enjoying this beautiful Saturday!

indie, I just read the post... I didn't mean that his family was standing united against me as the interloper, the WH and his POSOW do.