p.s. you can download Surviving an Affair on amazon and read via kindle for PC's.

I can. I already have one that I've talked to that comes with high marks from one of the top law firms in the market. I would have to quietly move some money around that could launch a red flag, as we are both dialed into our collective finances.

That is what I would try to do. You can get the information you need much faster and more efficiently. The faster you get the evidence, the sooner you can move onto next steps. Could you avoid that red flag if you put it on a credit card?

Has OM changed his number? Are there restricted numbers calling your W? All OM has to do is type *67 to hide his number.

I remember seeing one guy who installed a nanny cam to capture the password as it was being typed.

Credit card option may have legs...but what can a PI get? Corporate phone records? iMessages that I can't get?

These are very peculiar circumstances...the OM is not local. So ALL communications between trips are either electonic through a work computer, texts or phone calls. Just curious how a PI is able to crack that code.

Have checked for unknown and blocked numbers. Nothing.

Again, if they are still talking (and I have to believe they are), then its using her work cell, which has no texting capability and is not a smart phone.

Would love to see the call history on that.

I like the nanny cam idea.

One more note.

The OM is single, lives in FL, is eight years her junior and is a player. Party boy that posts pics of his weekend escapades on boats with young bikini-clad woman (girls?...they look young).

Bottom line, the dude is a player...and I believe he is using my wife to check-off "MILF" from his bucket list.

The other scary part is we are very financially very successful. And I wonder how much about our lives she has "given" to him and now my wife is the hunted by some scumbag gold digger.

I've been through a lot of crud in my life....but never anything that comes remotely close to this disaster of a situation.

My wife now wants to hop in a bath with me....WTF.....I'm sooo confused. WIll provide update in the am....

Thank you for the support and advice.

He would follow her on a work trip and get the evidence. He might also have some ideas on how to get her corporate phone records.

This is something you will want to watch. It is not uncommon for men/women to pursue an affair in order to get to the target's finances. And when a WS is in "lurve" they have been known to hand over money and even give an OM access to a teenage daughter. We have had a few cases where a OM was pursuing an affair to get to a teenage girl.

As you read others thread you will see the similar things going on with your WS. I hope you follow the advice of the posters here, good luck and God bless as you go through these struggles.

I know. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever go through. That is why you need a PLAN to keep you focused and keep your W from distracting you with fogbabble like "It has always been about you" and "you just want to control me."


This POSOM will need to be exposed. Player boy most likely will threaten you with a lawsuit (that one always makes me laugh) and throw your W under the bus. Your wife will be furious. Just be prepared for that and EXPECT it.


Exposure is how you kill the fantasy which is feeding the addiction. Reality.



From Exposure 101 :


Copy and paste OM contact's into a word document now. While you still have access. POSs love to shut down their facebook when things hit the fan. Then you will have a hard time doing an effective exposure if you do not have his contacts. Try to locate contacts that look like family and good friends.

For those of you with WSs who have Snapchat accounts, I would HIGHLY recommend you download snapchat and add them as a "friend" to your friend list. By doing this, you can then click on their name in your address book (or any name, for that matter)and see their three "best friends" which is generated by Snapchat, not the user, and based on the "recent" frequency of activity between the user and their top-three friends.

Well....last night, I added Snapchat to my iPhone after not having it for nine months (had been on my Android, but never downloaded it once I got my iphone). The OM, who my WW swears is just a friend, despite long telephone conversations at night when I or she travels, inappropriate text messages I've intercepted, and her use of words/terms that she's never used before, is a "best friend". He's actually her #2 best friend behind our 16 year old child.

So....here is my question: Do I reveal that now? Question her why this POSOM is her #2 friend on Snapchat? Or keep quiet for now?

The more and more I go down this road, the more I feel like I should go ahead and file for divorce. Her actions are downright sketchy. And though she denies it, I believe there is no question an EA has blossomed and probably a PA as well.

Please stay on your original thread; generally its best to hold on to such info for intelligence gathering

Had started a new thread with the below....sorry about that. Here is the new info:

For those of you with WSs who have Snapchat accounts, I would HIGHLY recommend you download snapchat and add them as a "friend" to your friend list. By doing this, you can then click on their name in your address book (or any name, for that matter)and see their three "best friends" which is generated by Snapchat, not the user, and based on the "recent" frequency of activity between the user and their top-three friends.

Well....last night, I added Snapchat to my iPhone after not having it for nine months (had been on my Android, but never downloaded it once I got my iphone). The OM, who my WW swears is just a friend, despite long telephone conversations at night when I or she travels, inappropriate text messages I've intercepted, and her use of words/terms that she's never used before, is a "best friend". He's actually her #2 best friend behind our 16 year old child.

So....here is my question: Do I reveal that now? Question her why this POSOM is her #2 friend on Snapchat? Or keep quiet for now?

The more and more I go down this road, the more I feel like I should go ahead and file for divorce. Her actions are downright sketchy. And though she denies it, I believe there is no question an EA has blossomed and probably a PA as well.

Why confront her when you know that she will just explain it away as she always does. Don't give away your sources.

How good is the evidence that you do have? Are you prepared to expose?



Do you have your conditions to stay in the marriage prepared?

Quit her job and all traveling jobs

Hand write a NC letter to OM and commit to NC for LIFE

Take a poly to prove it was not a PA

No OS friendships

Complete transparency including all usernames and passwords for both computer and phone.

No overnights apart... which means that you will also have to stop traveling unless she can go with you

Commit to a marriage recovery program (MB but don't mention it by name yet)

Etc...

Marriages with a long history and kids still at home have good odds for recovery. You will need nerves of steel.

Have you downloaded and read SAA yet?

What are you doing to clean up your own side of the street?

You need to be in a stellar Plan A and making changes to become the best husband and person you can be.

Pokerface....you are a Godsend...and my heart hurts for you because I know the advice you provide is partly or mostly derived through many hard times of your own.

I need to get my list of conditions in order, but there are two key factors you should consider about me and my W:

1. I do not have concrete evidence that a PA has occurred. I believe it's a stretch for her to explain away an EA given the phone call, text and now Snapchat records. Still, there is no hard evidence. There have also been no phone calls to attorneys or other professionals, at least from her office, cell and home phone. So I think I continue to monitor and be the best husband I can be.

2. Perhaps the biggest issue I face with the MB protocol is this: in the late 1990's, while a trader on wall street, I took some liberties at work that resulted in my being fired and having to start over in a new sector. It was a HUGE mistake and when the issue broke, I sat down with my W, came clean and explained everything to her. She was devastated and pregnant with our second child. She and I worked through my knucklehead issue at work...and we told no one. It remains a family secret and something I hope never has to be revealed. But as I head down this road, I am seeing that it could be revealed which would hurt a lot of people and perhaps affect my current career and future career path. Bottom line, if I expose her to the masses, there is certainly on my part that she will reveal my work-related issue from all those years ago.

What say you?