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Joined: Feb 2012
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
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Did you move out to conduct your affair? How did you come to move out? And when was your last contact (of any kind) with the OM?
Will your husband allow you to move back? I guess I did move out to conduct the affair. Last contact with OM was more than a year ago. OM's tried to contact me since by dialing me and then hanging up. But nothing. DH will not allow me to move back....for right now, I think. He doesn't want to get hurt again. I can understand. We're taking things slowly.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12 |
Did your husband come here in 2012?
Im curious why you registered in 2012 while having an affair? Registered in 2012 when we were starting to split up. I wasn't really active in the forums or reading through all the articles back then.
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Joined: Feb 2012
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12 |
This book is my main suggestion to you. If you have the older one, get the new revised edition that came out this year.
Dr. Harley's basic position, which he lays out early in the book, is that after being the victim of infidelity, he would not fault anyone for ending their marriage. But he does have a program for recovery, described in the book, and he encourages people to read through and consider his plan before making their decision. For couples where both husband and wife have followed the plan, the result has been not just marital recovery, but the happy marriage that they always wanted.
The book will lay out many things the two of you will need to do to make a happy marriage. In doing these things, you will be able to make compensation to your husband for the damage you did to your marriage. He will not come off looking like a fool - he will come out as a very happy married person. Ordering the book now.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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RW, have you been completely honest with your husband about the affair? Have you been forthright about the fact that you moved out to have your affair? Does he know everything?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Did you move out to conduct your affair? How did you come to move out? And when was your last contact (of any kind) with the OM?
Will your husband allow you to move back? I guess I did move out to conduct the affair. Last contact with OM was more than a year ago. OM's tried to contact me since by dialing me and then hanging up. But nothing. You will need to change your number to make it impossible for OM to contact you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12 |
RW, have you been completely honest with your husband about the affair? Have you been forthright about the fact that you moved out to have your affair? Does he know everything? He knows everything.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 12 |
You will need to change your number to make it impossible for OM to contact you. What I've done is blocked his number and any unknown numbers that he might use, as well as restricted numbers that don't show up on my caller ID. I can't be sure but OM is sure to get the message when he tries calling me and gets a reply "Calling restrictions put on this phone prevented the completion of this call" If it does continue, I will change my number. I'm not attached to my phone number. Restoring what I had is more important.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Your first step would be exposing your affair to family and friends, invluding your children
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Joined: Mar 2010
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I'm not attached to my phone number. Restoring what I had is more important. Then go ahead and change it.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Secondly you should write a letter a no contact letter to your affair partner (as detailed in the book ) (others can post sample letter language If you request) and send it to the other man, copying his sigmificant other or wife and a copy to your husband.
Separately, include a letter of apology to your husband and tell him that you are willing to worlk with him to create a loving romantic marriage where both of your needs are met and that you have contacted MarriageBuilders.com for a plan if he is willing to consider this
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
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If it does continue, I will change my number. I'm not attached to my phone number. Restoring what I had is more important. You can't know ahead of time if he continues or not. If he borrows a phone you haven't blocked, and calls you, even if you hang up on him, it will be a pain and an offense to your husband. You must eliminate the risk of that happening - not wait to see if it's okay to tolerate some risk.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship. Sincerely, XXXXX
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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